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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man being asked if they're pregnant??

223 replies

CC2021 · 10/02/2021 16:24

Had the covid vaccine and as a female, was asked if there is any chance I'm pregnant. Fair enough question I thought. But a male friend was asked too and the nurse told him "you can't be too careful these days". Umm what??

AIBU to think it's ridiculous to ask a MAN if they're pregnant?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 10/02/2021 16:25

You've not heard of trans men then?

HOkieCOkie · 10/02/2021 16:25

lol sure she wasn’t joking? That is ridiculous

SoupDragon · 10/02/2021 16:26

(Don't get me wrong, I think it's daft but she might have a point)

Tellto · 10/02/2021 16:26

I think its fairly obvious why they may start to ask

StillCoughingandLaughing · 10/02/2021 16:27

Well it depends. If he’s 70 with a beard like Brian Blessed, then yes, you probably CAN be too careful. If he’s androgynous-looking with a gender-neutral name, it’s a greyer area.

Original poster
CC2021 · 10/02/2021 16:29

Well yes of course there are trans men but it's fairly safe to assume the vast majority of people presenting as males are in fact born male and if they weren't born Male they aren't pregnant or if they are pregnant, they'll tick the box on the form rather than have to announce it to everyone in the waiting area.

OP posts:
CakeIsEternal · 10/02/2021 16:30

With the way trans stuff is going now, it seems sensible. They really cant risk putting an unborn child in danger because a transman hasnt been clear that they are trans and are pregnant.

Original poster
CC2021 · 10/02/2021 16:30

@StillCoughingandLaughing well he's young but has a definite male name and definitely not androgynous looking.

OP posts:
Original poster
CC2021 · 10/02/2021 16:32

Slightly off topic as not specifically related to trans but I'm not sure why a person would be more likely to say yes to a verbal question but no to a tick box on a form anyway...

OP posts:
Trickyboy · 10/02/2021 16:34

This reply has been deleted

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DobbyTheHouseElk · 10/02/2021 16:34

My mum was asked if she was pregnant. She’s nearly 80. She thought it was hilarious.

unmarkedbythat · 10/02/2021 16:35

Maybe she thought the person could be a trans man?

growinggreyer · 10/02/2021 16:38

This puts the nurse in a vulnerable position. I have worked with some young men who would not respond well to this sort of inquiry. I can imagine them punching first as their masculinity is fragile and their sense of self is all bound up with the feeling of being disrespected.

growinggreyer · 10/02/2021 16:39

And by 'worked with' I do not mean as colleagues!

KingscoteStaff · 10/02/2021 16:40

My 89 year old mother was also asked this question!

Lancrelady80 · 10/02/2021 16:41

*Either you are a female where this is an appropriate question. Or you dress and behave as a woman. In which case by all means ask.

If however you are male. You CANNOT get pregnant.*

What about women who are presenting as men/transitioning to men but have fallen pregnant in the meantime?

I remember it being all over the tabloids a while ago where that had happened...in fact, I've got a nagging feeling it might even have been a deliberate choice.

Here's a link actually:

www.theguardian.com/society/2019/apr/20/the-dad-who-gave-birth-pregnant-trans-freddy-mcconnell

You can argue the should and shouldn't, rights and wrongs of it, but if the world we live in now is one where this might happen, unborn children deserve to be protected and I guess that involves what on the face of it is a stupid question to be asked.

JustCallMeGriffin · 10/02/2021 16:42

YANBU.

However in a litigious society I do see the value in making it a "ask everyone" question in the same way that some bars in America insist on ID even if you look like Methuselah.

It would only take one transman who is pregnant to slip through the net and have complications for there to be a massive issue. Far safer to get everyone who presents for the jab to verbally confirm - if it's asked at every jab then the responsibility is firmly on the individual to be truthful much in the same way that declaring you packed a suitcase is you legally acknowledging knowledge and ownership of the contents

TheTeaCosyofDoom · 10/02/2021 16:44

My partner (74, and definitely male) was asked if he might be pregnant by a very embarrassed nurse - "Sorry about this, we have to ask". I was with him because he has dementia and Parkinson's Disease and I am his carer. I said, "If he is, it's nowt to do with me". When it was my turn the nurse said, "You know what I'm going to ask, don't you?" I said, "I wish I was, I could make a few bob out of it at my age." Bonkers.

TingTastic · 10/02/2021 16:44

It’s probably just habit so they don’t accidentally miss anyone. Or have to make a judgement as to if anyone is trans / young enough to be pregnant

Not really worth starting a thread about!

Hugoslavia · 10/02/2021 16:48

This made me chuckle!

Original poster
CC2021 · 10/02/2021 16:48

Not really worth starting a thread about

Sorry, are you the thread police? You didn't have to click on it and / or reply.

@TheTeaCosyofDoom that's crazy your DP was asked. At least my friend is actually of child bearing age (if he had the right parts)

OP posts:
Okokokbear · 10/02/2021 16:48

I know trans people who look male or like men but could still get pregnant so Yabu. Not many but some do exist. Think a quick question is better than a miscarriage.

AIMD · 10/02/2021 16:49

@TingTastic

It’s probably just habit so they don’t accidentally miss anyone. Or have to make a judgement as to if anyone is trans / young enough to be pregnant

Not really worth starting a thread about!

Yes I agree. I think they’ve probably got to check and rather than assume someone is to young/old/ is/isn’t trans they just ask everyone.

I guess they don’t have access to specific personal data when doing the jabs then?

Original poster
CC2021 · 10/02/2021 16:49

@JustCallMeGriffin shouldn't the onus be on the person to tick yes on the written consent form too though (which equally applies to females)?

OP posts:
StanfordPines · 10/02/2021 16:51

If they ask absolutely everyone then they won’t miss anyone. It saves the nurse in question having to make a judgement call.
Trans men do not look like Annie Lennox.
Look up Buck Angel.