To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

[8bitgame]

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

LolaSmiles

I said I had stuff to do. I did and it’s done.

And if 1,000 people read something into my posts that wasn’t there because of their own biases, they would still be mistaken. Every single one of them. If you can show me where I suggested the child should be punished, I’ll take that back, but you can’t.

Good result 8-bit
👋Pink

@LolaSmiles please stop trying to create an ‘us’ vs ‘you’ dynamic on this thread with AStudy.

She has shared her opinions respectfully but lots of you are trying to gang up on her. Everyone is allowed their view and ‘lots of posters’ have an alternative view then that doesn’t make her wrong.

stackemhigh

Cheers.

Not fun being misunderstood and misrepresented?

Child was not rude.

@8bitgame glad that HT has admitted your DS hasn't done anything wrong, hope he's okay?
My boys are 9 and I think they'd be upset deep down.

stackemhigh
Discussing the topic with someone isn't us and them, nor is it ganging up on anyone.

It's funny that disagreeing with an adult is 'ganging up', but a couple of adults in positions of authority who can't be bothered to apply common sense before misrepresenting what a child said isn't ideal but the child probably had it coming to him.

In fact that's worth 20 pages of saying a child was rude, needs to be told how to communicate, needs to have manners, has broken 'the rules' (which obviously exist and anyone who disagrees is just pretending the rules don't exist), and claims that a child was making personal comments about the teacher's appearance in order to have a joke at the teacher's expense.

But adults questioning the relentless insistence that a reasonable explanation from a child is rude and mocking a teacher are 'ganging up'.🤷‍♀️

In fact that's worth 20 pages of saying a child was rude, needs to be told how to communicate, needs to have manners, has broken 'the rules' (which obviously exist and anyone who disagrees is just pretending the rules don't exist), and claims that a child was making personal comments about the teacher's appearance in order to have a joke at the teacher's expense.

But Lola - very simply, people were talking to me about it, including you. It’s not like I went on about it for no reason.

I imagine the reason the school reacted the way they did was partly due to the misunderstanding, and partly due to setting the standard.

For example, if they let miss lots like an 8 bit game slide and the whole class sees it.

The next child might comment miss looks like Mario.

The next one miss looks like bowser.

And before you know it something rude is said and the child in question can go, 'but so and so got away with it'.

And then you have parents getting upset their child was singled out.

And the general flow of class is interrupted.

If this happened at school the teacher would have a quiet word with the child. Obviously that can't happen at the moment without it seeming a bit intimidating. Which is why I imagine you were called.

Schools have zero tolerance policies so they don't have to deal with the fact that children don't fully get nuance, what's social appropriate etc. And what is appropriate in a small group of adult professionals and equals on zoom is not always appropriate with a class of 30 children still learning social cues, with a different hierarchy.

I'd just generally steer clear of jokes about the teachers' appearance. Apart from it being rude you risk them repeating it and getting in trouble. I realise the initial comment wasn't, but the 'she fancies herself 3/10' comments are inappropriate.

Several posters, including me, question the incessant drive from your first post until now to place the responsibility for adults not applying common sense on the shoulders of a child.

This is exactly how some parents feel that some heads/teachers think they're beyond criticism and can't accept mistakes.

The head did exactly the same 'yeah but...' approach when the OP showed they had knowledge of safeguarding. The head started bluffing about safeguarding to avoid accepting the mistake and then when challenged started down the route of 'yeah but we don't know what they see online', which still implies that the teacher/head were right to jump to silly conclusions.

When school staff adopt that approach it undermines their credibility with parents.

TheBuffster
But that's exactly what classroom management is. It's the ability to differentiate between a child with technological issues explaining the image of their teacher looks like an 8 bit game (factual description of what their screen looks like) and a child saying a teacher looks like a cartoon character.
In this case it isn't about the students not understanding nuance. This adults were the problem.

Several posters, including me, question the incessant drive from your first post until now to place the responsibility for adults not applying common sense on the shoulders of a child.

And again, I didn’t do that. I am placing the child’s actions on his shoulders. And only those.

As above, I have not said - or implied - he should be punished, only that he is responsible for the portion of his actions that went against the expectations of his school as to how the chat group should be used. It doesn’t matter that you think I should employ more humour (perhaps I think you ought to employ less). It doesn’t matter that you think the adults were completely out of order (I happen to think their interpretation was wrong but plausible). What matters right now is that you appear determined to misrepresent what I have actually said, for some odd reason, and object to my continuing to post to challenge you on it.

Classroom management also is following the school policy and being fair to everyone.

The school can head off any future miscommunications by confirming that personal comments are not appropriate. As stated before, it's not about this comment, it's about potential future comments.

Yes, it was heavy handed, but it's more difficult to have a quiet word which would be appropriate classroom management, particularly if it was shouted out as it would in real life.

The school is having to adjust classroom management and it's not going to translate perfectly. I don't think there's even a chapter on it in 'getting the buggers to behave'.

TheBuffster
I agree on the policy front, but nothing about this suggests the school were following policy.

If the school did have a zero tolerance on anything, including telling students they are only to explain technical issues in certain ways, then the phone call would have been something to the effect of "hello OP, we wanted to have a chat about something your DC said. He was having technical issues but used the chat box inappropriately by saying..."Had they done that then I'd be inclined to say heavy handed and shows limited professional judgement but fair enough as some schools give staff less professional judgement than others.

They didn't though. They called a parent to essentially accuse her 9 year old child of making inappropriate sexualised comments about a member of staff, something that 30 seconds of checking would have clarified. They then deleted the chat. Then when the OP has followed it up, the head continued pushing a safeguarding angle and then when the OP showed they knew about safeguarding, the head continued with 'yeah but we don't really know what they've seen' (so continued to justify reading sexual undertones to a 9 year olds message).

That doesn't sound like a school following a policy. It sounds like a teacher who didn't bother to check what something meant before reporting to the head, and a head who would rather continue to bullshit parents than acknowledge that their staff didn't check before reporting.

Very well said LolaSmiles.

I think I made myself clear how this is not about the individual. It's about school policy that personal comments are discouraged. There was a misunderstanding which is a separate issue, which it look like the school apologised for.
I am at risk of repeating myself and have offered my take. I won't be offering further perspective.

*For example, if they let miss lots like an 8 bit game slide and the whole class sees it.

The next child might comment miss looks like Mario.

The next one miss looks like bowser.

And before you know it something rude is said and the child in question can go, 'but so and so got away with it'.*

But that's not the same thing at all. He was describing how his screen appeared; it wasn't personal. Saying Miss looks like Mario or Bowser is totally different.

I'd just generally steer clear of jokes about the teachers' appearance

It wasn't a joke, he was describing the appearance of his screen. OP has already confirmed this wasn't a joke.

@stackemhigh thank you for being respectful to the user with an alternative opinion.

he is responsible for the portion of his actions that went against the expectations of his school as to how the chat group should be used

I've asked this many times and you're yet to answer; how else should he have contacted his teacher? He used the chat as instructed.

As far as I see it, this is nothing to do with "alternative opinion". This is about establishing what is factually correct. That's what it boils down to. The school have now done that, so job done.

There is absolutely no point anyone else saying "he was rude" because they would be factually incorrect. Some people are showing a real lack of understanding of children's language and they way they use technology, plus a complete lack of knowledge around youth culture and trends. I'm really surprised that they describe themselves as experienced professionals.

People who are STILL insisting that it was inappropriate or impolite, despite many explanations of what "8 bit game" actually refers to, ie. the image quality not the image itself, are veering into the territory of "I perceive this to be an offensive comment so therefore I am offended." What next - "I identify myself as offended."

I've asked this many times and you're yet to answer; how else should he have contacted his teacher? He used the chat as instructed.

I am not yet to answer. I’ve made several suggestions.

Op has had a perfectly sensible and reasonable conclusion that included school clarifying that DS had done nothing wrong and this was a misunderstanding.

Why are people continuing to argue over whether DS was inappropriate?

I am not yet to answer. I’ve made several suggestions.

You've given suggestions of alternative wording but not answered the question I asked. You've said many times he should have spoken to his teacher, and her only. How?

You've given suggestions of alternative wording but not answered the question I asked. You've said many times he should have spoken to his teacher, and her only. How?

Like I am speaking to you only when I say, “Yes, ILoveYou3000, I have answered you.”

@8bitgame did you really have to call her Miss X? Now we know where your son gets it from🤣

Seriously though they must be so uptight, I would have died laughing when the mistake was explained...completely odd anyway that they translated his comment to such a creepy extreme.