To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

[8bitgame]

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

Still making things up. Lots of things are “possible”. I’m quite sure the OP would tell us if they happened, though.

What am I making up?

Surely, the logical conclusion considering the facts is that the TA is the one communicating with the children on the chat function.

Ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️ So, was he wrong to communicate with the TA?

There’s no evidence he was trying to communicate with the TA. From the perspective of the teacher, he spoke to everyone, not her (when they were clear he was only meant to speak to her). I’m not saying it’s a dreadful thing in and of itself, but combined with the nature of the comment, at least the teacher and the HT and perhaps the TA appeared to think it looked like something he had been asked not to do. So it was obviously not a clear attempt to communicate with the teacher, and yes, maybe he addressed the TA, but that’s not clear. He made a general comment to the whole group about the teacher. It came across as rude to at least three involved adults, plus five or six on this thread, including me. I definitely think it was impolite.

Surely, the logical conclusion considering the facts is that the TA is the one communicating with the children on the chat function.

No it isnt. The OP says the chat function is for communication with the teacher.

You’re really not getting it, are you pink? He was neither impolite nor disrespectful; he was simply using a simile to describe how how Miss X looked on the screen.

I get that that’s what happened. I think using similes to describe your teacher is very dodgy ground. Hopefully he won’t do it again.

The misunderstanding was due to her and then the HT’s woeful lack of IT knowledge.

And this is all a bit silly. The HT and teacher are experienced professional women. I am an experienced professional woman. I’ve never heard the phrase “8 bit game” before yesterday. I’m not a gamer. That’s not “woeful”, it’s just how knowledge works; without exposure to something, you probably don’t know what it is. It’s not part of their jobs, don’t be daft.

@8bitgame

I have had a long chat with him about only posting about work in the chat channel and not disrupting lessons if he is having issues. But.........just such an odd thing to think about a 9 year old.

So odd! I feel for you, I'd hate it if they thought that of my boy! I guess to get closure you want them to acknowledge that's NOT what he meant! Bless him x

@Cissyandflora

Also a solid 8 is not something to be sneezed at.

Sorry, but .... ew.

From the perspective of the teacher, he spoke to everyone, not her (when they were clear he was only meant to speak to her)

I've asked this a few times now, how else was he supposed to communicate his tech issues to the teacher if not using the chat function?

No it isnt. The OP says the chat function is for communication with the teacher

🤦🏻‍♀️ or the teaching assistant. Does the OP really need to be that specific for you to get it? The TA replied to his comment, what does that indicate to you?

I get that that’s what happened. I think using similes to describe your teacher is very dodgy ground. Hopefully he won’t do it again.

Still not getting it. He was describing his screen, and how it appeared to him.

@AStudyinPink

I disagree.

This chat can been seen by the teacher, TA and all children in the class but the children are not allowed to chat to each other on it. It is for communication with the teacher.

They are not allowed to chat to each other. It is for communication with the teacher. So the polite way to do that is to address the teacher, and when a 9 year old doesn’t do that and instead talks about the teacher, it isn’t unreasonable to conclude that he is using it for chat. I get that the OP says he wasn't, but it’s not an unreasonable conclusion.

He needs to be taught how to communicate politely.

"He needs to be taught how to communicate politely".

What I think you fail to realise - in this thread and I expect your day-to-day life - is that for a lot of us humans, humour is the thin net stopping us from falling into the abyss.

Having a sense of humour is so important, and is definitely something I wish to nurture in my child.

Obviously there are certain kinds of humour that aren't acceptable, but this is not an example of that. The boy made a funny comment, maybe one that was slightly cheeky given the circumstances, but that's it. End of.

Your determination to come down hard on this child is so weird. Such a sad and bitter hill to die on.

He really wasn’t describing the teacher as such; he was describing her appearance on the screen and using the best way he could to say what he was actually seeing. So he was being descriptive and specific. Of course he could have been less specific and just said the screen is rubbish which also would not have been describing the teacher as rubbish.

Alright. Look, I’m in the minority. I get it. I think he should have done as he was told (and the OP had a long chat with him along those lines so clearly accepted he hadn’t).

But I’ve got stuff to do and there’s more rudeness happening anyway. So I’ll leave you to your ranting.

I think using similes to describe your teacher is very dodgy ground.

Very dodgy? Really? I can only assume that you have an unusual idea of the normal relationship between nine year-olds and their teachers. In non-Covid times I work in up to 5 primary schools a week. I don't think any of the teachers in those schools would find it remotely 'dodgy' if a child made a remark like the one the OP's ds did.

I can also think of other examples where describing the teacher using a comparoson would be just as uncontroversial. "Miss, you look like a snowman!" etc. There is nothing inherently rude in making this kind of observation. It's what children do with people they are comfortable and familiar with.

It would take a very rigid, humourless and formal teacher to react badly to that sort of thing. And what the child would learn would be to be wary and restrained in their interactions with the teacher.

I’m sorry op you op made me laugh- it is exactly the sort of thing my ds would say.
Mentioned to my dh who is a governor at our school and he said he’d be furious to hear a teacher making that assumption of a 9 yo.

I think the school have some backtracking to do- it’s a good example of now everyone’s gone a bit crazy in lockdown. I hope you get your point across and it gets resolved. Yanbu at all. And hope the sorry state of affairs has gone above your son’s head.

lazylinguist
I totally agree with you.

There's a certain amount of good natured humour that works in a classroom. I'm in no way a matey teacher and am strict with my classroom management, but being strict doesn't mean being humourless. Actually, I'd go as far as to say that having a sense of humour and being friendly makes it easier to be a strict teacher because it's a firm but friendly approach. Colleagues I have worked with who had either been cold and humourless, or quick to escalate behaviour tended not to have the same sort of positive relationships as those who are firm and friendly.

I would hate to work anywhere that actively looked for offence in everything a child said.

So I have just read through to see if anyone answered my question about what the supposed joke or tomfoolery was, and no-one has explained.

Come along now posters, share the joke with the class. We all want to know what was so funny.

I will say, as a last comment, that I agree: a level of humour in the classroom is a good thing. But online communication and face-to-face communication aren’t the same. The rules are stricter for good reason (Lola Smiles knows this - she’s pretending). What would pass without comment or a gentle correction on a snowy Tuesday afternoon in a classroom is more easily misunderstood in a chat room, and therefore has to be treated slightly differently.

Anyway, have a good morning, those people who haven’t been intolerably rude to me.

And this is all a bit silly. The HT and teacher are experienced professional women. I am an experienced professional woman. I’ve never heard the phrase “8 bit game” before yesterday. I’m not a gamer. That’s not “woeful”, it’s just how knowledge works; without exposure to something, you probably don’t know what it is. It’s not part of their jobs, don’t be daft.

So I’m silly and daft but you’re accusing others of rudeness. I would assume that Miss X is young enough to have done some IT in school; certainly enough to have heard of a bit and a byte, while the HT is of an age to have played an 8 bit game (even if not aware it was called that). I’m not a gamer nor an IT buff (certainly no IT when I was in school) and I’d never specifically heard of an 8 bit game either. However, while using IT at that particular time, and IT now being very much part of the job, in the context of a screen breaking up, I would certainly be able to work it out.

Bye Pink - I look forward to your next last message in about half an hour's time.

There’s no evidence he was trying to communicate with the TA.

Other than the fact the TA was on the group chat and even responded to the child. If your thinking is this narrow, heaven help your students. Your kind of teaching will provide the people currently coming into the work place that need micro managing and can’t think for themselves. Great if we were back in the industrial revolution, not so great when we need all the out of box thinkers/entrepreneurs as possible.

I will say, as a last comment...

Well I think we all know that won’t be true!

OK everyone, let's be sensible. We really should be teaching our children that any technical issues during class zoom calls now need to be submitted on headed paper, studiously avoiding any similes or descriptive language.

"Dear Miss Teacher
I am writing to you to convey my deepest sympathies, despite your clear effort to provide me with a good education via zoom it appears that I have missed some of the informative lesson provided due to poor connection issues on my end. My screen appeared pixelated, I hasten to add that I do not feel this reflects any of your physical qualities and is indeed a aberration that only affects your digital representation. Once again please accept my sincerest apologies for inconveniencing you with my personal issues, I shall henceforth refrain from interrupting you and shall indeed suffer in silence.
Your ever faithful student, DS"

The rules are stricter for good reason (Lola Smiles knows this - she’s pretending).
I'm pretending?
There is a huge difference between what you think is unacceptable for a student and 'the rules' (for a start there isn't a set of 'the rules').
Schools have their own policies for remote learning and there are generally rules about misusing technology. A child using the meeting chat to describe how the screen looks using perfectly normal English isn't against 'the rules'.

The teacher didn't understand what an 8 bit game is and didn't bother to find out before jumping to conclusions and involving the head, who also didn't check before calling the OP. They look a bit silly and instead of saying 'ok, there's a misunderstanding, don't worry about it', they've doubled down in a way that makes them look silly and undermines their credibility with parents.

Based on your understanding of 'the rules' I should have written behaviour reports up for:

• a student commenting that my face had frozen
• myself for asking a student to repeat themselves as it sounded like gibberish on my end

Thankfully my school acknowledge the benefit of friendly interactions and haven't banned humour in our online classrooms.

IsabelleSE19

*I will say, as a last comment, that I agree: a level of humour in the classroom is a good thing. But online communication and face-to-face communication aren’t the same. The rules are stricter for good reason (Lola Smiles knows this - she’s pretending). What would pass without comment or a gentle correction on a snowy Tuesday afternoon in a classroom is more easily misunderstood in a chat room, and therefore has to be treated slightly differently.

Anyway, have a good morning, those people who haven’t been intolerably rude to me.*

Is it not intolerably rude to tell someone they're pretending i.e. lying? It's also rude to not answer questions that have been put to you directly.

Also, is humour not more important than ever at the moment. A little lightness.

Alright. Look, I’m in the minority. I get it. I think he should have done as he was told (and the OP had a long chat with him along those lines so clearly accepted he hadn’t).

And I'm the one you say is making stuff up. The OP had a chat with her son, she never said a long chat "had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about" Reads more like a gentle reminder.

I will ask you again, how did he not do as he was told? How else should he have let the teacher know he was having technical difficulties if not via the chat function (which is how they'd been told to let the teacher know)?

I have had a long chat with him about only posting about work in the chat channel and not disrupting lessons if he is having issues.

👆

ILoveYou3000
The pretending comment is just clutching at straws and trying to deliberately confuse fairly typical online learning policies with a child expressing their technical issues in a way that that poster doesn't approve of.

Lola I was out by about six minutes