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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:

Arobase · 11/02/2021 07:22

Okay, so we all perceive that there was only one teacher (as the OP dodged that question)

She has talked all along about "the teacher" and "his teacher". How could that lead to a conclusion that there were two teachers? Goodness knows, currently schools struggle enough putting one teacher in front of a class, let alone two.

Therefore, if anyone - particularly those suggesting I am the one with the comprehension difficulty - can explain how someone talking in the third person about that same teacher is addressing that teacher (as the DS was asked to use the chat function only to talk to the teacher and not his peers) rather than talking about them, I would appreciate it.

It's a 9 year old boy in a fast-moving informal discussion during an online class lesson. Children in that situation don't really go in for finely-honed sentences, and they tend not to be too fussy about their phraseology.

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 07:35

Arobase

Because the only way to reconcile the two contradictory things - the child talking about the teacher and the child talking to the teacher - would be if I had misunderstood and there were two teachers.

But there weren’t. There was one teacher, and the child - who, of course is only 9 and will make mistakes - was talking about her. And it wasn’t a polite and respectful comment.

So he shouldn’t do that, and these misunderstandings won’t happen.

ILoveYou3000 · 11/02/2021 07:41

*Okay, so we all perceive that there was only one teacher (as the OP dodged that question).

I’m not going to engage with anyone who can’t use their manners.*

Your questions have already been answered. OP has said exactly who was in the chat: Miss X, a TA and the 30(?) children in class.

The child posted on the chat to say he was having technical difficulties. He then explained what he was seeing on his screen. As there were two adults/teachers in the chat (Miss X and the TA) he was specific in saying which one was pixelated 'Miss X' rather than just saying Miss which could have been the teacher or TA.

ILoveYou3000 · 11/02/2021 07:43

*But there weren’t. There was one teacher, and the child - who, of course is only 9 and will make mistakes - was talking about her. And it wasn’t a polite and respectful comment.

So he shouldn’t do that, and these misunderstandings won’t happen.*

He really wasn't. He was simply describing what he was seeing on his screen. Nothing impolite or disrespectful in it.

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 07:47

I’m not going to agree. He was asked to talk to the teacher and only to the teacher. He shouldn’t be comparing the teacher to 8 bit games, as it’s not polite, or any other visual thing, and the sooner he learns that the easier it will be for him.

Those saying he wasn’t talking about the teacher are deliberately misreading because they’re irritated/angered by the nature of the misunderstanding. I also think the misunderstanding was unfortunate, but it was avoidable if the child had done as he was asked.

ILoveYou3000 · 11/02/2021 07:59

*I’m not going to agree. He was asked to talk to the teacher and only to the teacher. He shouldn’t be comparing the teacher to 8 bit games, as it’s not polite, or any other visual thing, and the sooner he learns that the easier it will be for him.

He wasn't asked to talk to the teacher and only the teacher as there isn't the facility for him to do that. He was asked, as were the whole class, to let the teacher know of any issues via the chat function. This is exactly what he did. He also wasn't comparing the teacher to an 8-bit game, he was describing how his screen looked. Honestly, why do you consider 'Miss X looks like an 8-bit game' so offensive?

He also didn't just randomly say, 'Miss X looks like an 8-bit game' he used it to explain how his screen appeared after stating he had technical issues. It's quite possible he was asked what the issue was and used his 8-bit game analogy, as that's what made sense to him as the best way of describing the problem.

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 08:05

I disagree.

This chat can been seen by the teacher, TA and all children in the class but the children are not allowed to chat to each other on it. It is for communication with the teacher.

They are not allowed to chat to each other. It is for communication with the teacher. So the polite way to do that is to address the teacher, and when a 9 year old doesn’t do that and instead talks about the teacher, it isn’t unreasonable to conclude that he is using it for chat. I get that the OP says he wasn't, but it’s not an unreasonable conclusion.

He needs to be taught how to communicate politely.

Koolandorthegang · 11/02/2021 08:06

“The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks “a bit game”.”

It sounds like the school is under the impression that your 9 year old is Danny Dyer

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 08:06

Honestly, why do you consider 'Miss X looks like an 8-bit game' so offensive?

I don’t, and haven’t said it’s “offensive”. I’ve said it’s not polite.

TheQueef · 11/02/2021 08:06

Fukinell Pink are you still labouring your point?
School is wrong on this occasion, it's ok they are allowed the odd slip up if they handle it well. Which OP will find out later.

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 08:07

TheQueef

I am answering people who have spoken to me, not labouring my point. Talk to them if you have an issue.

CecilyP · 11/02/2021 08:08

Can you believe the cheek of them! Not only were they making personal comments about my appearance, they sought to spread malicious rumours to their peers that my face had been exposed to sub zero temperatures.

Much worse than that, Lola; he could have been implying that you had been using far too much Botox! Is that even allowed during lockdown?

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 08:10

It's quite possible he was asked what the issue was and used his 8-bit game analogy, as that's what made sense to him as the best way of describing the problem.

Well, let’s not make things up. The OP just said it transpired that he put this in the chat, not that anyone said, “Can you describe the problem?” Because obviously that wouldn’t be the same.

saraclara · 11/02/2021 08:12

@AStudyinPink

Okay, so we all perceive that there was only one teacher (as the OP dodged that question).

I’m not going to engage with anyone who can’t use their manners.

The OP has said that a TA initially read and responded to the comment on the chat. So that's why he was talking about the teacher and not to her. I imagine the TA was mopping up questions on the chat while the teacher was actually teaching.

ILoveYou3000 · 11/02/2021 08:13

*They are not allowed to chat to each other. It is for communication with the teacher. So the polite way to do that is to address the teacher, and when a 9 year old doesn’t do that and instead talks about the teacher, it isn’t unreasonable to conclude that he is using it for chat. I get that the OP says he wasn't, but it’s not an unreasonable conclusion.

He needs to be taught how to communicate politely.*

He was communicating properly with his teacher. He wasn't chatting to his pals. There were two adults in the chat. He was describing what he was seeing on screen. If he'd said, 'you look like an 8-bit game' they wouldn't have known who he meant. Therefore he was specific in using Miss X.

Or its possible the TA was the one communicating with him which is why he used Miss X, as the TA did ask him to explain what he meant after he made the comment, so it does sound like she was handling discussion in the chat (perhaps allowing the teacher to conduct the lesson without having to deal with tech issues). Again, he was doing as he'd been asked.

Please explain how else he could have let his teacher know he was having tech issues if not via the chat?

Faultymain5 · 11/02/2021 08:13

@AStudyinPink

And your a secondary school teacher? I’ve avoided responding to everything you’ve said all day, but I came back for light relief and after several flounces you are still here? And still getting it wrong!

So much so that I can’t resist this: it’s you’re.

I know it’s you’re, predictive text which I noticed after pressing send, but mumsnet fails to put an edit function in and I’m enjoying the post so much I didn’t want to waste a post with a correction! It actually irritates me when others do it when it’s quite clear what it meant.

It’s funny how you are able to see and highlight that error but don’t seem to realise how a chat function works or how the OP explained the scenario that took place.

I’m going to see if I can clarify something for you. A chat function gives you the option to speak to individuals and/or everyone. Most chat functions are used to communicate answers to questions, ask questions and notify of technical errors. It would appear, according to OP, his original statement was to anyone who needed to be aware within the ‘everyone’ group. His statement wasn’t to have a laugh (as you assume high school level of clever and place it on a primary schoolchild) and, it was informative, (quite a good description on all accounts) of what he was seeing. He was even asked to clarify and did. I’m literally not sure how ‘miss x looks blurry’ is factual or any politer than ‘an 8 bit game.

Th bottom line is you (and your ilk) are going to insist this child was rude and/or trying to be funny. Unless OP comes on this morning to say her son admitted he was taking the piss, I’m going to continue to agree with the other 98% (which is unusual for me as normally I’m contrary for the sake of it).

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 08:14

We can imagine whatever we like. I’m just going on what it says here in black and white. He was told only to use the chat to communicate with the teacher. To me, that would look like (even if we accepted “like an 8 bit game as polite, which I don’t): “Miss, you look like an 8 bit game.”

A third person comment isn’t to her.

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 08:15

A chat function gives you the option to speak to individuals and/or everyone. Most chat functions are used to communicate answers to questions, ask questions and notify of technical errors. It would appear, according to OP, his original statement was to anyone who needed to be aware within the ‘everyone’ group.

Yes, which is what he was asked not to do. He was meant to use it only to communicate with the teacher.

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 08:16

I’m literally not sure how ‘miss x looks blurry’ is factual or any politer than ‘an 8 bit game.

Then you literally have bad manners.

ILoveYou3000 · 11/02/2021 08:19

Well, let’s not make things up. The OP just said it transpired that he put this in the chat, not that anyone said, “Can you describe the problem?” Because obviously that wouldn’t be the same.

Not made up at all. Perhaps give the OP's posts another read. Slowly this time so you don't miss anything.

From the OP:

He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

So he stated he was having connection problems, then followed it up. It's very possible after his initial flagging up of his connection problems, he was asked what those problems were. And as the TA asked him to explain his 8-bit comment, it's possible the TA asked him what his tech issue was hence his response of 'Miss X looks like an 8-bit game'. Or he could well have added that himself as a visual explanation of his problem. Either way he was doing as he was asked.

Cissyandflora · 11/02/2021 08:20

Also a solid 8 is not something to be sneezed at.

AStudyinPink · 11/02/2021 08:20

ILoveYou

Still making things up. Lots of things are “possible”. I’m quite sure the OP would tell us if they happened, though.

BettyBooth · 11/02/2021 08:22

@growinggreyer

I think you should send an email of the 'thank you for your call today where we discussed ... and we concluded ...' just so that it is on record. Schools do keep information on file and you don't know what the Head or the teacher herself have written. It might seem to have blown over but could come back up later on and they might not have the same memory of the phone call as you.

I agree with this. It needs nipping in the bud op so it doesn't follow him through his schooling.

ILoveYou3000 · 11/02/2021 08:22

*We can imagine whatever we like. I’m just going on what it says here in black and white. He was told only to use the chat to communicate with the teacher. To me, that would look like (even if we accepted “like an 8 bit game as polite, which I don’t): “Miss, you look like an 8 bit game.”

A third person comment isn’t to her.*

Ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️ So, was he wrong to communicate with the TA?

CecilyP · 11/02/2021 08:23

^*But there weren’t. There was one teacher, and the child - who, of course is only 9 and will make mistakes - was talking about her. And it wasn’t a polite and respectful comment.

So he shouldn’t do that, and these misunderstandings won’t happen.*^

You’re really not getting it, are you pink? He was neither impolite nor disrespectful; he was simply using a simile to describe how how Miss X looked on the screen. That’s on the screen; not her general appearance! The misunderstanding was due to her and then the HT’s woeful lack of IT knowledge. His only mistake was not to realise his teacher didn’t know something that he thought was common knowledge.

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