To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

[8bitgame]

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

On your part, I would email the HT explaining the situation and letting them know that they had jumped to conclusions about what your DS was saying. I'd ask the HT to pass this on to the class teacher so the teacher is aware your DS wasn't making any inappropriate comments about her (as this might affect their relationship and how she views your DS going forward). I'd let the HT know that you will gently remind your DS only to use the class chat for appropriate reasons but that you don't really feel that this calls for a telling off or anything like that. Then I'd apologise for your internet connection being bad but point out that this is unfortunately one of the issues which remote learning brings and they have to accept that sometimes connection problems will get in the way of children fully accessing the lesson.

Maybe approach it from the angle of wanting to be sure that this incident has been removed from the records as originally reported, as you do not want the records to show that your son received complaints for sexualised language when it was based entirely on a teacher's mistake.

Those are good suggestions on how to approach it - thank you

@AStudyinPink obviously thinks it would have been better for him to say 'Miss X, you look like an 8 bit game' in the class chat, I suppose.

Also, his comment was productive because they now know about a technical issue and can bear it in mind.

I wouldn't mention your apology unless they do. And if they do, you can turn that into one of those 'empty' apologies. Never thought there'd be a good use for one of those. But, you were sorry she felt upset, not sorry for your son's behaviour.

You're doing right by your son to stand up for him against this unpleasant misunderstanding. He can't remain suspected of saying what they thought he said. You were initially mortified because of how horrible the inference is. The responsibility for this hiccup needs to be put in the right place before it gets dropped.

@TenaciousOnePointOne

Your DS wasn’t adding anything productive to the chat so while the head calling was extreme it’s worth dealing with that anyway.

I'm astounded at people here who expect kids to be taken out of their usual classroom environment, asked to do their classes remotely, dealing with connection issues and suddenly stop behaving like kids!

I got a bit of a telling off - teachers do not have the right to tell parents off - they are fellow adults. It is wholly unacceptable.

I can understand that there might be situations (not this one!) where teachers might feel like telling parents off (!), but they cannot do so!

This is all a simple misunderstanding and the teacher and head should simply accept that and apologise. They have made you (and more importantly your son) feel uncomfortable due to their mistake.

It's a punctuation error.

Miss looks like an 8. Bit game.
Miss looks like an 8-bit game.

It's like

A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.

Or

'I never said she stole my money' having 7 different meanings depending on how you say it.

It really is very funny, but it's a serious accusation and it does need to be corrected.

I just said to dh "I've just been posting on this MN thread about a kid in online school who...." and he said "Oh you mean the 8 bit game one? Yeah - it's all over Twitter."

Your DS wasn’t adding anything productive to the chat so while the head calling was extreme it’s worth dealing with that anyway.

He was letting the teacher know he was having technical issues. As they'd been instructed to do.

@notalwaysalondoner

I wouldn’t make a fuss and it doesn’t hurt a 9 year old to learn that stuff you type is much more easily misconstrued than verbal communication. But I would be irritated at their response too. But these things happen, they misinterpreted it, and your child has learnt a useful lesson about only using chat for work and being more careful about how he phrases things.

How's a 9 yo supposed to know that an adult will 'misconstrue' 8 bit game to she's an 8/10 and a bit game?

He used chat to describe his internet connection problem as they are meant to

He doesn't need to 'be more careful' he used a perfectly legitimate term to describe an Internet problem. It's not his doing that the two supposedly adults decided a 9 yo was rating her and using a 1970's phrase to describe his teacher, quite out of character & out of the blue.

Don't blame the kid.

I'm actually surprised that adults in the business of educating children do not know what "8 bit game" refers to. I'm by no means a gamer or IT nerd but my general knowledge is good enough to know what it means. I don't think age has anything to do with it, I'm mid 40s and probably played those games but I had no idea when I played them that that's what they were. It's just something I've picked up as I've got older, it's part of retro gaming. There is even a TV show with Dara O'Brian called "Go 8 bit".

OP, I'm surprised that you apologised to the head teacher. There was nothing to apologise for. They have gone about this completely the wrong way and it just makes me think that they haven't got a clue about proper safeguarding.

I was called into DS2's primary once by the safeguarding officer (deputy head) when he was in Year 3 or 4. DS had apparently been in a conversation with his friend while sitting at a mixed group table involving the question "which one would you have sex with?" or something similar. Deputy head was trying to establish how DS had acquired that sort of vocabulary and he said the girls had been uncomfortable with them talking that way (understandable!). I was shocked at first but then realised that it was because DS1 had been doing sex ed in school the previous week and had obviously been passing on his new knowledge to his brother. I explained this to the deputy head and said that I would have stern words with DS2 about talking inappropriately and making the girls feel uncomfortable. Which I did, and DS cried. I honestly don't think he was mature enough to realise the effect of what he was saying. He didn't even fully understand what "to have sex with" means as it turned out that DS1 had not explained terribly well. [laugh]

Point being, I was not "told off" by the deputy head, he was simply trying to do a good job at safeguarding DS and making sure the behaviour stopped so that the other children party to whatever he said were also safeguarded. He did a great job, didn't make me feel embarrassed or like a parenting failure and he didn't seem angry with DS2, he was simply trying to establish the facts and suss out what was going on. I was never called in again so I'm assuming that DS2 learned his lesson!

I guess that the incident went on record though, and I'm fine with that. I work in a school myself and have had safeguarding training and recording that is appropriate, even though there was an explanation for DS's behaviour. They need to record things like that in case it happens again and there is a picture built up.

However, in your son's case, I would want to check that the incident hasn't gone down on any safeguarding record, as their version of what happened sounds incorrect. If there is any safeguarding record made of that you want it to be factually correct, and I think you're within your rights to ask the school for confirmation of that.

It's the equivalent of describing screen interference as snow and school immediately twisting it in to racism.
Worrying and potentially damaging conclusion to jump to.

YANBU, particularly in light of your most recent update. I'm surprised at people not having heard of 8-bit game before (although we are a bit of a geeky family). I could well imagine my 11 year old using it entirely descriptively. Understand that schools aren't operating as usual (are any of us?!) but think they've made a huge leap, and quite an unpleasant assumption about your son's motives for posting what he did. Hope you get a more measured response from them tomorrow.

How ridiculous of the school. I hope you get somewhere with the HT!

@ItsA1WayStreet

Love the retro 8 bit gaming reference! Has he got a Raspberry Pi with RetroPie installed? I'm going to dig mine out tonight and play some old games, been too long.

We've got one of those, we ended up having to use cheat codes so the kids could have a try. Games were trickier back then!

All over twitter

Oh feck

Dear Daily Mail - if you are reading this your racist, horrible rag better not print anything on this. I've got enough issues as it is

How utterly ludicrous.
Jeez....Have these teachers actually lost the plot?

Wow! What a bizarre way of thinking they have. But weird actually. My DS of similar wouldn't have the slightest clue of what their interpretation means. Morons!

I am so bloody glad I name changed.

But I've spoken to the class mums on our messenger thread we have so if it is on twitter they will know its me :(

8bitgame
Any parent who needs to challenge a school or raise concerns in an appropriate manner is never 'that parent'.

FWIW 'those parents' are the types to complain over everything (especially insignificant things), refuse to accept their child has done anything wrong, or generally undermine the school.

It's very telling that they have deleted the chat records though OP and that is definitely worth mentioning.

I am supporting keyworker and vulnerable kids with their online learning in school (secondary) at the moment. The younger kids communicate with their teacher through the online chat function exactly like how you'd expect of someone for their age, bombarding their teacher with multiple "do we have a Google Meet?" "It's not letting me join" "Where is the work?" "your voice is all weird" "Miss is that your dog barking?" "Sir is that you going crackly or is it me" "Sir I like your haircut" "I have no clue what I'm doing" "Sorry I'm late, I just got up" "Miss, Stephen's not here cos he's tired after coming back from Greece" etc etc etc

I can totally imagine the sorts of things that 9 year olds would type and I get that it's stressful for the teachers to multitask while doing live lessons but it's no excuse for overreacting the way they did without talking to you reasonably first to find out what your DS meant. The way they have dealt with it is not right and does not encourage children to approach those teachers for help with a GENUINE safeguarding problem.

I think I'd definitely be commenting on the fact that it was interesting to see that they had been so quick to delete the chat thread. And mention how disappointed I was to realise that in future I'd have to be careful to screenshot posts involving my son as I went along.

I, for one, would be happy if I though someone said I was an 8 out of 10!

@lazylinguist I can't see anything on twitter thankfully. I don't want it turning into a circus I just want DS not to be accused of something he hasn't done. Especially given the nature of the issue.