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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:
MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 17:04

He communicated his tech problems in a way that made sense to him in the moment.

This was misinterpreted and the adults responsible have over-reacted and potentially undermined parent and child trust in the teachers. That's sad and could have been avoided if half as much sensitivity had been shown to the OP and her child as is being demanded of them.

Separating the issues into child - rude / disobedient as being more important than the consequences of the misunderstanding is rather simplistic and avoidant IMO.

Sea

LolaSmiles · 10/02/2021 17:04

MistressoftheDarkSide
It's this sort of blindly backing colleagues that drives me up the wall at work too. There are ways to deal with situations where a member of staff has made the wrong call, and it doesn't mean doubling down.

In this situation the head didn't need to be involved because the teacher could have quickly solved any apparent ambiguity between a 9 year old saying '8 bit game' when discussing technical issues and rating their teacher's appearance. Once the head was involved, they should have checked what 8 bit game means. Even though they didn't when a parent explains something that makes perfect sense for the interaction, all the head needed to say was "ok OP. I'm glad we got that cleared up" (and had a private conversation with the teacher about checking what has been said before escalating an issue to the head).

LadyMayoGoodway · 10/02/2021 17:07

Oh my word, come on who would even say anything like that let alone a 9 year old?!? 'A bit game' it's not 1960. What f, I mean I'm laughing but it's not funny is it. I'd just be comforted by the fact they're clearly stupid....or not given it's his teacher and a headteacher. It's been a tiring term I suspect, maybe put it down to that.

I do think you need to explain to them what he actually wrote, it's very handy for people to know when they've been silly so they don't do it again.

MissMarpleDarling · 10/02/2021 17:07

You apologised because THEY read it wrong? They need to apolgise to YOU. Bet they are mortified really. I'd call the head back.

forinborin · 10/02/2021 17:09

Reminds me of the time an older nursery worker told me my then 3yo ds was “making a rude two fingered gesture” after puzzling over it for a moment I realised he was making the spider-web shooting gesture that Spider-Man does (he was really into him at the time). I explained to the woman she was mistaken, it was an innocent game and that sticking two fingers up is generally something people don’t do anymore - and certainly not in our household! I think she thought I was making excuses but i just had to laugh at her!
That made me laugh... what she must have thought of your family!
Reminded me also of when my oldest was just over 1 and started the nursery... in my native language "give me" sounds exactly like the English "die". They also had a serious conversation with me about why this sweet little child thinks that "DIE! DIE! DIE!" is an appropriate answer to other children when they don't share things.

MissMarpleDarling · 10/02/2021 17:09

Has this teacher had issues with your son before for her to take what he had put and change it in her head to mean something else?

TenaciousOnePointOne · 10/02/2021 17:10

Your DS wasn’t adding anything productive to the chat so while the head calling was extreme it’s worth dealing with that anyway.

lazylinguist · 10/02/2021 17:10

He communicated his tech problems in a way that made sense to him in the moment.This was misinterpreted and the adults responsible have over-reacted and potentially undermined parent and child trust in the teachers.

Succinctly put.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 17:10

@LolaSmiles

You sound like a great teacher.

Learning that it's okay to make a mistake, own it, make appropriate amends and move on is so important, and should be modelled by adults to children where necessary. Otherwise horrible things can happen, especially in systems which can get out of control and lead to cover ups etc. Which I know is an extreme example but it can happen.

RettyPriddle · 10/02/2021 17:13

No harm done. Poor teacher

Original poster
8bitgame · 10/02/2021 17:13

No there’s been no previous issues whatsoever. He’s always got in great with his teacher and there have never been any issues with his behaviour.

DS has just informed me that the TA asked him what his comment meant and he told her he meant Miss X was pixelated because of the connection problems BEFORE they called me.

So I’ll be calling the HT tomorrow as I am now even less happy with the ridiculous jump they’ve made and how they’ve handled it.

They have deleted all of the posts from the class discussion. Wish I had taken screenshots.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 10/02/2021 17:14

Look on the bright side, @8bitgame. This time next year, you'll be millionaires.

Original poster
8bitgame · 10/02/2021 17:15

@Eckhart 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 10/02/2021 17:15

I hope they ring to apologise I'm glad he mentioned it you or you'd have been really stumped when they rang.
I can't believe the teacher assumed he was rating her. Blush

rwalker · 10/02/2021 17:16

I'd email in explaining again what happened and you apologised automatically but on refection you feel the incident has been dealt with badly .

Eckhart · 10/02/2021 17:16

@RettyPriddle

No harm done. Poor teacher
No harm done? A 9 year old boy is in trouble for making salacious comments that he didn't make. I bet he feels harm has been done, as, rightly, does his mum.
TheQueef · 10/02/2021 17:19

You should call.
Thing themselves in knots trying to sexualise a boys comments is alarming.
Check about a written record too. Mud sticks.

ItsA1WayStreet · 10/02/2021 17:19

Love the retro 8 bit gaming reference! Has he got a Raspberry Pi with RetroPie installed? I'm going to dig mine out tonight and play some old games, been too long.

Eckhart · 10/02/2021 17:19

@TenaciousOnePointOne

Your DS wasn’t adding anything productive to the chat so while the head calling was extreme it’s worth dealing with that anyway.
But if everybody had the same problem and nobody said anything, everyone would think Zoom classes were perfect. It's always worth pointing stuff like this out, in case you miss something in the class as an individual, or there's a more universal problem.

Have you really never said, over the last year, 'You're breaking up a bit', even if you've been able to generally understand the person at the other end?

TheQueef · 10/02/2021 17:20

Tying, tying not thing.

lazylinguist · 10/02/2021 17:20

No harm done. Poor teacher.

Poor teacher?! The only traumatic thing about this for the teacher should be her embarrassment at having so drastically misunderstood an innocent comment!

Zakana · 10/02/2021 17:22

@8bitgame

No there’s been no previous issues whatsoever. He’s always got in great with his teacher and there have never been any issues with his behaviour.

DS has just informed me that the TA asked him what his comment meant and he told her he meant Miss X was pixelated because of the connection problems BEFORE they called me.

So I’ll be calling the HT tomorrow as I am now even less happy with the ridiculous jump they’ve made and how they’ve handled it.

They have deleted all of the posts from the class discussion. Wish I had taken screenshots.

Good, absolutely right thing to do. Why should this be left that it is your son’s problem, not their terrible judgement, good for you!
lazylinguist · 10/02/2021 17:23

Your DS wasn’t adding anything productive to the chat

Yes, heaven forfend that any child should ever get away with uttering a single sentence lacking in productiveness during a lesson. Shock

Original poster
8bitgame · 10/02/2021 17:23

Just outlined everything to DH who is not impressed with the jump they made and then having made it, how they approached a potential safe guarding issue. Particularly given it now transpires DS has explained exactly what he meant before they called me.

I will call the HT back tomorrow. I am never “that parent” and I am always really firm about him following the rules and being respectful (probably explaining my immediate feeling that I needed to apologise and being mortified his teacher was upset) but I am not happy about him being accused of using sexualised language when it is abundantly clear he did not.

OP posts:
SmallPrawnEnergy · 10/02/2021 17:25

If I had a student write in a public chat box
Miss X looks like an 8 bit game"

I would ASSUME the student was calling me 8/10 and a "bit game" as that is exactly what he wrote.

Please tell me what school you work at as I never want my children in a class with a woman who genuinely thinks a 9 year old child would comment on her availability for sex. Not only is it abhorrent it’s really fucking weird to sexualise the comment of a prepubescent child.

Also he “literally” didn’t write that he wrote 8 bit game. If he was saying 8/10 bit game you might have something resembling a point but right now...