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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:

Serin · 10/02/2021 16:33

Who even says "A bit game", especially a 9 year old child.

ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 16:33

*Again, no. He was asked to use the chat function to talk to the teacher. And I’ve asked the OP whether or not he was doing that, because it sounds to me more like he was talking about the teacher.

But I’m happy to be corrected.*

It's right there in the OP's response to you, upthread. But I'll copy and paste it here for you, so you don't miss it this time.

Therefore he was speaking to his teacher via the only method he has at his disposal to do this

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:34

Ok, so could you explain why Miss looks blurry is inherently more polite than Miss looks like an 8 bit game (once you know what an 8 bit game is)?

Not again, no. I’ve said it loads of times.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 10/02/2021 16:34

I find it hard to believe that no-one on Mumsnet who's 30+ has NOT played an 8-bit game - I grew up with gaming dammit! Us millennials are the video game generation.

Mind you, any child who does gaming will be familiar with games with a retro aesthetic - like Undertale, as well as famous games like Mario.

Still a bit sore that apparently Wii U and earlier are now retrogames...

Quit4me · 10/02/2021 16:34

They over reacted but the head will know that inside.
It’s because it seems like a put down - even saying she is like an 8 bit game could make other kids laugh and be seen as disrespectful, even though he meant it innocently.
I have found schools seem to be a bit defensive at the moment, primary especially

Zakana · 10/02/2021 16:34

@MistressoftheDarkSide

I am surprised by the dogged determination to place this child in the wrong regardless of the explanations and reasoning given here.

I know, I’m sitting here, shaking my head whilst going through the whole thread again, in case I have missed a salient point, good to see I haven’t! The worlds gone nuts (or just a small percentage of the population), very odd way of thinking about a nine year old lad.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:35

Therefore he was speaking to his teacher via the only method he has at his disposal to do this

And again - dear me, this is tedious - I’ve pointed out the difference (which we all understand) between talking to someone and about them.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 16:36

@MedusasBadHairDay

Yes indeed and most here have a concept of nuance which has been great and it's turned into a stimulating debate.

It's just the one or two insisting that there is no leeway and the teachers must be right cos teachers....

SionnachRua · 10/02/2021 16:39

I've been in schools where 9 year olds made similar comments about teachers (this was always learned behaviour from home ime). I don't think they're wrong to be upset by that. Having said that, once you explained I think it should be accepted.

Neither side is BU imo. However, from experience sometimes kids will constantly shout "I can't see/I can't hear" in Zoom classes so maybe a word with your son about that would be helpful. Often turning off their camera helps to stabilise the connection for the kids. It isn't the teachers issue, it's an issue on the kids end of the system and teacher can't fix those.

ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 16:41

*Therefore he was speaking to his teacher via the only method he has at his disposal to do this

And again - dear me, this is tedious - I’ve pointed out the difference (which we all understand) between talking to someone and about them.*

This was OP's response to your question as to whether he was speaking to his teacher directly.

And absolutely this is tedious.

The chat function contained more than just his teacher. There was also a TA and the rest of the class. He was specifying who was pixelated on his screen, as a visual explanation of the technical issues he was having.

He had no other means of communicating with his teacher.

BoyTree · 10/02/2021 16:45

Teachers, other pupils and HTs don't need to appreciate his comedy and, as has been shown, when you try to be funny people can misinterpret it.

You insist that making anything other than an entirely factual comment about the quality of your screen picture is an aberration that a 9 year old should be reprimanded for, yet defend a teacher reaching a pretty far-fetched conclusion about his intention and continuing to berate the OP even when the innocent explanation had been revealed. Is it really reasonable to expect a more nuanced understanding of interpersonal interaction from a child than we do of the adults in this situation.

The willingness of both teacher and head to assume the worst of the OP's son and to approach the OP with an accusation rather than asking for an explanation is surely a far worse social faux pas than the child's in this case?

Eckhart · 10/02/2021 16:46

@AStudyinPink

What should he have done?

LolaSmiles · 10/02/2021 16:47

I'm laughing at the posters who think a teacher would have time to google alternative meanings in between running live lessons
That would be, and yes that's exactly what I would do before going and making a fool of myself by going to the head and calling a parent.
It's called deploying common sense, and basic professional judgement.

In fact, going to the head and calling home is actually more work than checking out what a student said before jumping to conclusions and creating a mountain out of a non issue.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:47

ILoveYou3000

Right, and from what I can tell in the OP’s posts, he should have been addressing the teacher directly, not the class.

And he referred to her in the third person so was clearly talking to everyone else, not the teacher.

This is obvious from the OP. He was doing something he wasn’t meant to be doing. Not what they thought (they misunderstood) but I can’t think of any good reason why he didn’t speak to the teacher.

Anyway, as I said, this is tedious, has been for about ten pages, and some people have been more than usually vile, so I’m going to make dinner.

Quit4me · 10/02/2021 16:51

The thing is... it’s a very subtle thing.
IMO if I’m being really strict (ex teacher) it’s not appropriate to say mrs X looks like anything when you get to 9 years old.
So for instance - mrs x looks like an apple, mrs c looks like a flower, mrs x looks like a rainbow unicorn, mrs x looks like a chocolate cake.. whatever! Even the nicest thing.. it isn’t really great to say your teacher ‘looks’ like anything in front of the whole class it’s disrespectful.
However, it does not warrant a shouting at, just a polite reminder unless it’s repetitive behaviour which in this case it wasn’t.
Our school are v strict with the class chat. No emojis or text speak etc. Only questions relating to work

itsgettingwierd · 10/02/2021 16:52

The first thing parents are told when they get a child's side of a story is check the teachers.

Shame that some school staff don't apply the same logic when kids are at home.

Would have saved people feeling like this. And I agree it's an odd conclusion to jump to from what was written and for a 9yo boy!

And I work in education!

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 16:53

Doing something he wasn't meant to be doing....

But that's not why the OP was called, was it? It was due to a really far fetched leap into concerns about sexualised language. Otherwise a reminder to address people correctly in the chat itself might have been warranted.

MedusasBadHairDay · 10/02/2021 16:54

@Quit4me

The thing is... it’s a very subtle thing. IMO if I’m being really strict (ex teacher) it’s not appropriate to say mrs X looks like anything when you get to 9 years old. So for instance - mrs x looks like an apple, mrs c looks like a flower, mrs x looks like a rainbow unicorn, mrs x looks like a chocolate cake.. whatever! Even the nicest thing.. it isn’t really great to say your teacher ‘looks’ like anything in front of the whole class it’s disrespectful. However, it does not warrant a shouting at, just a polite reminder unless it’s repetitive behaviour which in this case it wasn’t. Our school are v strict with the class chat. No emojis or text speak etc. Only questions relating to work

Just checking, have you read the rest of the thread?

Theluggage15 · 10/02/2021 16:55

There’s something weird about a teacher who automatically assumes a nine year old child is talking about her in a sexual manner.

LolaSmiles · 10/02/2021 16:56

AStudyinPink
It's not vile to challenge a teacher and head teacher choosing to read sexually inappropriately undertones into an interaction, especially when the parent involved had clarified what was said.

This insistence that because the head had agreed with the teacher (who also showed no common sense when it would have taken 30 seconds to find out what an 8 bit game was), the child was wrong, inappropriate and rude is exactly why some posters on here claim that some teachers think they are beyond criticism.

Sometimes staff make the wrong call. It isn't the end of the world. What matters is they own it, accept when they've got it wrong and then everyone moves on. The way this head has behaved by doubling down after a perfectly clear explanation has been given only makes them look silly and sends the message to parents that the school won't listen to common sense.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:58

I haven’t said even once that I thought the OP was called because of this. What I am saying is (and very obviously) when you separate the issues out, he still didn’t do as he was asked, and that simply needs to be communicated to him.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 16:58

@LolaSmiles

Perfectly put.

ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 16:59

@AStudyinPink

What did he do that he shouldn't have been doing? The children were told to let the teacher know if they were having any problems. How else could he have let the teacher know of his issues?

As said, he may have used the third person as there were 30 other people in the chat and he wanted to be specific.

Thislittlefinger123 · 10/02/2021 17:00

The school are being ridiculous, his comment in no way read to me how they interpreted it, which was frankly bizarre to think a 9 year old would think. I wouldn't even really discuss it with DC having cleared it up with the head. Have they nothing better to do with their time?

Eckhart · 10/02/2021 17:01

@AStudyinPink