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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 10/02/2021 16:18

@BunchIsBloom

Ring them back, demand an apology for the vile accusation from them!
I would want them at least to acknowledge their mistake here, otherwise he's going to feel punished for having done nothing wrong, and probably actually having done exactly the right thing. He's been blamed for the teacher's lack of comprehension, and her unlikely jump to a salacious conclusion.
TrialOfStyle · 10/02/2021 16:19

@AStudyinPink

If he'd said "I'm having connection problems. Miss X looks a bit blurry" would you be as outraged right now? Is it specifically '8-bit game' that's getting to you?

Nothing is “getting to me”. The comment above is about whether he was speaking to her or about her. If they were different people, he was addressing a comment that might be taken as inappropriate to one teacher, yes, about another teacher, but at least to the teacher, as he’s been asked to do. And I’d understand it a bit more, although I’d still advise him not to say anyone looks like an anything else.

If they’re the same person, then as I said, he wasn’t doing as he was asked.

That's not what I'm asking though. Would "I'm having connection problems. Miss X looks a bit blurry/pixelated" have bothered you?

If not - then it means you have an issue with the phrase "8-bit game". That's what I'm trying to understand here.

TrialOfStyle · 10/02/2021 16:20

And he did EXACTLY as he was asked. He highlighted connection problems.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 16:21

Surely it's obvious that there is a difference between saying that someone in a real life situation looks like something apropos of nothing at all, other than a thought in a head, and referencing distortion of an image of someone via tech mediums? Context is everything.

Ijustlikedthename · 10/02/2021 16:22

If I had been his teacher I would understood have found it hilarious! If I hadn't understood then after the explanation I would have had a good laugh. I would have reminded him to keep his chat to an appropriate time but not in the way they seem to have reacted.

lazylinguist · 10/02/2021 16:22

People often disagree about manners. I’ll just stick to my view, though.

Yes, you do that. Meanwhile in the real world, people (even adults, never mind 9 year-olds) use varied, sometimes lighthearted, ways of describing a problem and other people somehow don't find that offensive.

I suspect that actually the HT was just one of those people whose reaction to finding out they were wrong is to double down rather than admit it.

Yup, bang on. I suspect that many headteachers would have trouble getting out the words "Oh sorry, we misunderstood the remark! No problem then - your ds didn't do anything wrong." Much easier and less humiliating to bluster "Yes... well... he shouldn't have said it anyway! Not good enough! I hope he's learned his lesson!"

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:22

That's not what I'm asking though.

So why quote me when it was what I was asking?

Would "I'm having connection problems. Miss X looks a bit blurry/pixelated" have bothered you?

No, I think that’s far more polite. And obviously so.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:22

Yes, you do that. Meanwhile in the real world, people (even adults, never mind 9 year-olds) use varied, sometimes lighthearted, ways of describing a problem and other people somehow don't find that offensive.*

But this happened in the real world and the HT thinks it was inappropriate so 🤷🏻‍♀️

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 16:23

And he politely used her name and not just "She".

TrialOfStyle · 10/02/2021 16:23

There was this weird phase several months back where people were able to look like a potato (I could never figure out how to do it).

In a team meeting, to everyone there, I asked "Why does Jane look like a potato?".

Jane did not assume I was implying she was lumpy and fat. She laughed. That IS a true story.

Bananabuddy3 · 10/02/2021 16:23

I’m a teacher and if I had spoken to you and heard the explanation I would have been absolutely fine - and tried to find a solution to the connection problem (ie explained a task to you / emailed something across etc. Like I have done a few times this term.

ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 16:23

What is the issue with what I said?

Your complete lack of comprehension.

If they’re the same person, then as I said, he wasn’t doing as he was asked.

How so? He was asked to use the chat function to highlight any issues he was having, this is exactly what he did.

Eckhart · 10/02/2021 16:24

@AStudyinPink

This is about how to deal with it when you say to someone 'Have you got your gym kit?' and they go running to the head teacher, reporting you for saying 'You've got big tits.'

Not really.

What use is that response meant to be? Are you drunk?
AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:24

And he politely used her name and not just "She".

Why didn’t he just speak to her?

TrialOfStyle · 10/02/2021 16:25

*Would "I'm having connection problems. Miss X looks a bit blurry/pixelated" have bothered you?

No, I think that’s far more polite. And obviously so.*

Why? What is polite about 'blurry' but impolite about '8-bit game'?

If he's said "Miss looks like she's from Minecraft" would that be rude too?

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:26

How so? He was asked to use the chat function to highlight any issues he was having, this is exactly what he did.

Again, no. He was asked to use the chat function to talk to the teacher. And I’ve asked the OP whether or not he was doing that, because it sounds to me more like he was talking about the teacher.

But I’m happy to be corrected.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:27
  • Why? What is polite about 'blurry' but impolite about '8-bit game'?

If he's said "Miss looks like she's from Minecraft" would that be rude too?*

Yes. Talking about people not to them, and comparing them in a humorous way (which I think that is) to things is a bit (not very but a bit) rude.

And people who don’t understand that? They’re probably rude.

But then many people here are being rude.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 16:27

Multiple people on the chat? Being specific about his live stream? Factual observation? 9 year old in fast moving situation trying to get point across?

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 16:30

I am surprised by the dogged determination to place this child in the wrong regardless of the explanations and reasoning given here.

Wellteeecnically · 10/02/2021 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 16:31

Why didn’t he just speak to her?

He did! Via the chat function. The only medium available to him to communicate with his teacher.

@8bitgame
Just for clarity, is your son's class allowed their mics on, or, like pretty much every other class I know of, do they have to have them turned off to limit disruption? Hence the need for the chat function.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 16:31

And it was a descriptor in context to explain the issue, not a personal value judgement.

MedusasBadHairDay · 10/02/2021 16:31

@MistressoftheDarkSide

I am surprised by the dogged determination to place this child in the wrong regardless of the explanations and reasoning given here.
Honestly, I'm not. I mean, it's exactly what this whole thread is about really.
AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:32

He did! Via the chat function. The only medium available to him to communicate with his teacher.

Is that how you speak to people? In the third person?

lazylinguist · 10/02/2021 16:32

Would "I'm having connection problems. Miss X looks a bit blurry/pixelated" have bothered you?

No, I think that’s far more polite. And obviously so.

Ok, so could you explain why Miss looks blurry is inherently more polite than Miss looks like an 8 bit game (once you know what an 8 bit game is)?

Both are referring to her appearance on the screen due to technical issues, not in person. One is describing the visual effect using an adjective. The other is describing the visual effect by comparing it to a type of graphics seen on certain computer games. The second is certainly more obscure, but I absolutely do not see that it is more impolite. It's a comparison made by a 9yo to whom it hasn't occurred that not everyone will be familiar with the source of comparison he's used. It's no more a personal comment on the teacher's appearance than "Miss looks a bit blurry" is.