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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:
AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:01

no I don't think he was making a joke because I don't think he thought "looks like an 8 bit game" was anything other than a description of how Miss X was appearing on his screen.

Fair enough. As I say, just a chat about how things can come across, then, because it sounded like a little mess around to me. And to the HT, even after the misunderstanding about language was cleared up. Is that right?

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:02

I think you're on the wind up. If you're genuine, I thank my lucky stars you weren't my teacher. Or manager. Or client.

I return the sentiment. Not on the wind up, though. Just value good manners.

ravenmum · 10/02/2021 16:02

If anything I think the son will have learnt that it's good to give someone the benefit of the doubt and ask what they mean before jumping to any conclusions.

Zakana · 10/02/2021 16:02

@BeautifulStar

Why on earth would they misconstrue it that way? Says more about them than your son. I wouldn’t have apologised - not one little bit. They’re daft and obviously grew up in the 60’s/70’s.

Reminds me of the time an older nursery worker told me my then 3yo ds was “making a rude two fingered gesture” after puzzling over it for a moment I realised he was making the spider-web shooting gesture that Spider-Man does (he was really into him at the time). I explained to the woman she was mistaken, it was an innocent game and that sticking two fingers up is generally something people don’t do anymore - and certainly not in our household! I think she thought I was making excuses but i just had to laugh at her!

This definitely.....and for the avoidance of doubt, I grew up in the 1970s. And I wouldn’t have apologised either, I would be awaiting an apologetic phone call or email from the school!
Original poster
8bitgame · 10/02/2021 16:05

@AStudyinPink he was talking on the class discussion group which is where they can ask their teacher about work or highlight any issues, such as IT issues they are having. This chat can been seen by the teacher, TA and all children in the class but the children are not allowed to chat to each other on it. It is for communication with the teacher.

He had posted that he was having connection issues and getting kicked out, then posted as a follow up "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

Therefore he was speaking to his teacher via the only method he has at his disposal to do this (he is 9 - he doesn't have an email account / mobile phone / bat signal).

OP posts:
MedusasBadHairDay · 10/02/2021 16:07

@AStudyinPink

no I don't think he was making a joke because I don't think he thought "looks like an 8 bit game" was anything other than a description of how Miss X was appearing on his screen.

Fair enough. As I say, just a chat about how things can come across, then, because it sounded like a little mess around to me. And to the HT, even after the misunderstanding about language was cleared up. Is that right?

I suspect that actually the HT was just one of those people whose reaction to finding out they were wrong is to double down rather than admit it. There's a lot of them about.
Zakana · 10/02/2021 16:07

[quote 8bitgame]@AStudyinPink he was talking on the class discussion group which is where they can ask their teacher about work or highlight any issues, such as IT issues they are having. This chat can been seen by the teacher, TA and all children in the class but the children are not allowed to chat to each other on it. It is for communication with the teacher.

He had posted that he was having connection issues and getting kicked out, then posted as a follow up "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

Therefore he was speaking to his teacher via the only method he has at his disposal to do this (he is 9 - he doesn't have an email account / mobile phone / bat signal).[/quote]
There you are, completely innocent, not trying to be the classroom joker, feel you and your son are due an apology really, he is only 9 ffs!

ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 16:07

The OP can correct me but I think she said he spoke about the teacher, not to her, and I presume (again she can correct me) to his peers.

He commented in the chat function to let the teacher know he was having problems. The chat function that is there so the children can let their teacher know if they're having any issues. Which is exactly what he was doing, adding a visual explanation as to what was happening on his screen.

lazylinguist · 10/02/2021 16:10

Just value good manners

There was nothing ill-mannered about the boy's comment. The Head giving the aduly OP a telling-off was ill-mannered, especially considering that the only cause was the teacher and headteacher jumping to ridiculous far-fetched conclusions simply because they were ignorant of the origins of the completely inoffensive reference the boy made.

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 10/02/2021 16:10

My children in my class usually put that they can't hear me or that I have frozen. When I get that comment I ask am I Elsa or Ana and go into full blown 'Let it gooooooooooooo!' Which usually makes them put their hands over their ears!

MedusasBadHairDay · 10/02/2021 16:10

On a serious note OP, I think it's good that your DS made an attempt to explain the issue he was having. I'm currently being driven mad by my kids telling me there's something wrong with the laptop then but then giving me no further information so I can work out what the actual issue is.

Raaaaaaarr · 10/02/2021 16:11

So your son used an imaginative way to describe the connect issues he's having in group chat so that the teacher would be aware of the issue he's having - that's what happened. I would be very annoyed. More so that when you corrected the head she still had a go at you. They are very wrong and should apologise to you (and I am not one of those parents that ever complains about anything and that would piss me off to be honest).

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:12

*@AStudyinPink he was talking on the class discussion group which is where they can ask their teacher about work or highlight any issues, such as IT issues they are having. This chat can been seen by the teacher, TA and all children in the class but the children are not allowed to chat to each other on it. It is for communication with the teacher.

He had posted that he was having connection issues and getting kicked out, then posted as a follow up "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

Therefore he was speaking to his teacher via the only method he has at his disposal to do this (he is 9 - he doesn't have an email account / mobile phone / bat signal).*

I get it, I think. The teacher he was describing and the teacher he was speaking to were different people?

CheltenhamLady · 10/02/2021 16:12

I would have to say something to the OP. Your DS having the technical knowhow to describe a 8 bit game is great and I wouldn't want that Benny Hill Esque' cloud hanging over my innocent son!

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:13

lazylinguist

People often disagree about manners. I’ll just stick to my view, though.

BunchIsBloom · 10/02/2021 16:13

Ring them back, demand an apology for the vile accusation from them!

TrialOfStyle · 10/02/2021 16:13

I get it, I think. The teacher he was describing and the teacher he was speaking to were different people?

If he'd said "I'm having connection problems. Miss X looks a bit blurry" would you be as outraged right now? Is it specifically '8-bit game' that's getting to you?

I have a theory that it's not about the wording but rather you (and the teacher) feeling stupid that the 9 year old knows a phrase you don't.

Comefromaway · 10/02/2021 16:14

It's possible as often it's a TA monitoring the chat & responding (depending on availability of a TA)

Eckhart · 10/02/2021 16:15

@AStudyinPink

no I don't think he was making a joke because I don't think he thought "looks like an 8 bit game" was anything other than a description of how Miss X was appearing on his screen.

Fair enough. As I say, just a chat about how things can come across, then, because it sounded like a little mess around to me. And to the HT, even after the misunderstanding about language was cleared up. Is that right?

This isn't about 'how things come across'. The teacher has badly misunderstood what the boy very clearly said.

This is about how to deal with it when you say to someone 'Have you got your gym kit?' and they go running to the head teacher, reporting you for saying 'You've got big tits.'

What the teacher understood did not bare any resemblance to what he said, and it was written, so they can go back and check. He said something very clearly, which obviously represented the quality of the internet connection. If his phrase was not an obvious one to the teacher, then a few seconds of checking prior to reporting the boy would have saved everybody's time and effort.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:16

If he'd said "I'm having connection problems. Miss X looks a bit blurry" would you be as outraged right now? Is it specifically '8-bit game' that's getting to you?

Nothing is “getting to me”. The comment above is about whether he was speaking to her or about her. If they were different people, he was addressing a comment that might be taken as inappropriate to one teacher, yes, about another teacher, but at least to the teacher, as he’s been asked to do. And I’d understand it a bit more, although I’d still advise him not to say anyone looks like an anything else.

If they’re the same person, then as I said, he wasn’t doing as he was asked.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:17

This is about how to deal with it when you say to someone 'Have you got your gym kit?' and they go running to the head teacher, reporting you for saying 'You've got big tits.'

Not really.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:17

It's possible as often it's a TA monitoring the chat & responding (depending on availability of a TA)

Exactly. The OP can clarify that.

ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 16:18

I get it, I think. The teacher he was describing and the teacher he was speaking to were different people?

😳

What subject do you teach? Please don't say English.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:18

I have a theory that it's not about the wording but rather you (and the teacher) feeling stupid that the 9 year old knows a phrase you don't.

This is the wrong theory. 9 year olds know loads of stuff I don’t.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 16:18

What subject do you teach? Please don't say English.

What is the issue with what I said?