Do you cook all adult DC's meals?

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If they live at home, obviously.

DD is 24 and I cook all her meals - she likes different food to the stuff DH and I eat and we eat dinner later than she does so I usually cook her meal separately in the evening. She doesn't cook herself but makes herself a sandwich for lunch sometimes.

She pays board so I always considered this to be fair enough, until I saw someone on here mention that they don't cook for their adult DC.

Do you cook for yours? Do they cook for you? fantasises about someone else making my dinner for a change

I’ve just realised, OP, that you cook for your DD at 6pm and you and your DH at 9pm. This is utter madness.
Just stop. Let her get on with it - she’d have to do that at uni. 21yo DD freely admits to some absolute disasters the first year away - that’s how you learn. She’s a pretty good cook now; probably better than me. She taught herself by her mistakes, and through YouTube.

Ideal might be compromising on the times you eat and cooking for each other as that splits the workload (if there’s 3 of you, 3 ways). If other family members can’t cook, well, time to learn.

Dd is 16 and veggie. She's been cooking mostly for herself (and usually ds at the same time) since she was 14. If I am doing something she will eat, just without the meat I obviously do her some as well. She will have a sunday dinner without meat for instance or a veggie cooked breakfast.

At 24 no fucking way would I cook separate meals 🤣🤣

Good grief no.

I mean, if I am cooking a family meal - say a cottage pie or a casserole - then my adult dc would eat it. Then the next night, one of them would cook a chilli or a lasagne and I would eat that.
If, for some reason, somebody weren't eating the main meal that was being served that day, then obviously they would get themselves something separately.
I can't believe you are cooking a meal for her, and then separately cooking a meal for you two. That's bonkers.

'Not really liking it' isn't a reason to not pull your weight. I can't say I'm a fan of cleaning the toilet or even washing up, but these things are just part of life as an adult.

My ten year old made me lunch on Sunday. Scrambled eggs and trimmings. Lovely it was too.

OP do you think you like everyone being dependent on some level? Keep them close and make it less likely anyone will move out...

No, DS (23) has been buying his own food and cooking his own meals for 2 years.
Not only does he eat earlier then me, but i hate cooking and he likes it, so i let him get on with it.. He also makes great cakes and puddings, which he shares with mum

such a good thread!!!!!!!!!! i am full of un mumsnettty style hugs and fist bumps
my dd (18) takes pride in the fact that she can't cook. criminal really. plus she'll be at university soon but thinks that pot noodle is nutritionally okay (i blame her father)
if she doesn't like what i've cooked for dinner she can jeff off. i despair tbh.

i have now completely forgotten how this thread started but kids and cooking should be an essential and i berate myself about it. the lack of her independence in the kitchen irks me. she'll learn says me, wisely

My 15 year old DS made the dinner tonight, from scratch, burgers. I helped a bit with timings.
There are three of us, DP, DS and me. I don't do lunches, everyone keeps themselves. Mostly DP and I share the cooking, everyone rotates the washing up.
DS cleans his room, it's tidy and washes his sheets. Gets himself up in the morning and manages his money I give him once a month.
I consider I'm helping him prepare for the real world and doing him a favour. I also refuse to keep the housework all to myself as both DP and I work full time.

You cook a seperate meal?! I'd happily share what I've cooked but I'd never cook a seperate meal. I wouldn't cook twice even for a young child.

If you love cooking that much crack on though. If you don't, stop. It doesn't matter if she "can't cook" (in quotation marks because everyone can cook if they have the internet), she won't starve. There are plenty of healthy meals that a person can prepare without cooking.

We sort ourselves out for breakfast and lunch and our eldest (21) makes dinner every night for all of us. He's a really good cook

OP, I think your choices look something like this:

1. Tell your daughter that she is now responsible for cooking for the family say twice a week and let her get on with it. She can choose a vegan main then separately prepare some meat/eggs/dairy to add for herself. If she has any empathy at all, the prospect of you and your husband being hungry if she doesn't cook will motivate her. Tell her you will help if she asks but only on the basis that she gives directions ie you should not take over. She's not working atm and has loads of time. It's not your job to motivate her or make her 'interested', just tell her that it's her job now as part of contributing to the household. Assuming you and your husband continue to pay for the groceries, there is no need to reduce her board (as presumably you and your husband will clean up when she cooks). The risk, I suppose, is that she will decide its all too hard and move out but as she is currently not working this seems unlikely. She may also complain and you will have to be prepared for this. Also, the meals might not be great sometimes at least while she's learning.

1. Do the above plus do the same for your husband. Assuming you and your husband work roughly equal hours, it is not unreasonable for him to cook 2 or 3 times a week.

1. Keep doing what you're doing. You will continue making between 7 and 14 evening meals per week and will not get a break. You will have no conflict with your daughter or husband as a result.

My DD in her 20's cooks for us every night. She loves cooking, I hate it.

She’s your best friend and you’ll miss her if she leaves, sounds more like keeping her dependent on you is what you want.
She’s not even working for you to be cooking for her coming home, I hope you’re not working then waiting on these two lazy gits, anyone can learn to cook the basics, you’re allowing this behaviour.

I moved home after uni until I was 24, initially DM, DF and I took turns cooking but I enjoyed it the most and was often home from work earlier to get it started, but we'd all muck in even if it was prepping veg or wiping down while I cooked. I never had to wash up if I cooked.
DB can't cook for toffee and when it was his turn he'd just buy takeaway (for everyone to be fair) , so he was made to pull his weight in other ways.
If you enjoy cooking and she ate the same as you I'd say it's no harder to cook three portions than two, but as she eats different foods at different times she absolutely should be cooking for herself. Also she'll have to live on her own at some point so needs to learn! (I did this by working in restaurant kitchens as a student, mum's repertoire was fairly limited)

@LemonSherbetFancies this is what it was like when I was a young adult living at home and it still had novelty value coming for a family then.
My DF said the other day one of the worst things about Covid is that he hasn't been able to come to our house for dinner for ages!

When I moved home for a year after uni to save money, I did the cooking 3 times a week for the whole family. The rest of the time I ate whatever it was my parents and brother were having. If I'd wanted something different I'd have made it for myself. I also helped out with cleaning and paid board - although not a huge amount, probably around £150 a month.

I didn't see this as unreasonable, I understood that cooking, cleaning etc takes effort.

My mum definitely appreciated me taking a turn with the cooking, saying how nice it was to come home from work and be able to sit down and have a cup of tea rather than worrying about getting dinner on the go (my Dad did more of the weekend cooking). I think your daughter should take her turns too.

It's just me and DS2 (19) at home. We eat very different things, I'm vegan, whereas he eats high protein/ lots of meat. I cook for him sometimes, but normally he'll do his own. We tend to eat when we're hungry so never really eat together. I think it's good for them to be able to cook for themselves, I've always said I don't want my boys leaving home and expecting their wife or gf to do everything off them. DS1 lives with his partner and he does the majority of the cooking.

She's 24. Doesnt she want to cook for herself?

Paying board rent doesn't usually include your landlord cooking your meals, especially not if you are picky and don't want what the person cooking is having.

Stop enabling her to live free of responsibility. It would be one thing offering her a portion of whatever you've made for yourself but cooking her a separate meal is madness. She needs to get used to managing a food budget and planning her meals etc, otherwise she will have no idea what to do when she moves out to her own home.

I really don't count heating up a ready meal as cooking and not really nutritious or sustainable in the long term. Following basic recipes can be mastered with practice which I think she should be attempting. Fortunately for her she doesn't have to.
Why not try saying you are fed up of cooking all meals each day, give her a few meals to fend for herself.
May I ask does she do her own washing?

We cook most meals as they work and we don't. There's only one option but they eat everything and no special dietary requirements. They do help set and clear the table, stack dishwasher, wash up pans etc. They do cook occasionally; and are capable cooks, but not on a set rota basis. They also take their turns in collecting and paying for takeaways.

DS1 started to cook for himself by doing frozen ribs as a teen, then later progressed to frozen pizza. But his cooking really took off when we got him a kit from Lakeland with 4 different curry spice blends in it, and its cook book for many curries including all the take-out regulars. He will now follow any recipe. He buys his own food and cooks for himself. This started when his GF moved in a while ago, and continued after she left. I do me as we want to eat different things. DS2 will cook when he comes home (works away) as does DH (also works away) who is a fantastic cook. And we do our own laundry.
Is she scared to cook and make mistakes after having to throw away the pan?
You worry me, OP, she's your best friend? You can't bear the thought of her leaving? Um, that really is not going to end well.

My adult DC cook for me more often than not as their culinary skills outweigh mine. I'm incredulous that you cook her a separate meal! You're not really helping her on her way to independence and at the age of 24 she really should be capable of not only fending for herself but also cooking for others.
Have you considered that if she were asked to cook for the 3 of you that might give her a sense of purpose during these difficult times?

I do if they are eating when I am cooking but I wouldn't cook if they wanted it later at night.

Yes we're incredibly close, she's my best friend and I'm so glad she doesn't want to leave home because I'd miss her so much!

So you are infantilising her in order to keep her at home ?

Wtf?! 😂

I'm worried by your update OP. She's your 'best friend' and you would miss her too much if she moved out?
Are you not letting go? Holding her back because it fulfils a need in you to be needed?
Seriously, she's 24!! Stop treating her like a child. To my mind a parent's job is to bring their children up to become independent adults. You are preventing her from doing this. All sounds very controlling.