Do you cook all adult DC's meals?

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If they live at home, obviously.

DD is 24 and I cook all her meals - she likes different food to the stuff DH and I eat and we eat dinner later than she does so I usually cook her meal separately in the evening. She doesn't cook herself but makes herself a sandwich for lunch sometimes.

She pays board so I always considered this to be fair enough, until I saw someone on here mention that they don't cook for their adult DC.

Do you cook for yours? Do they cook for you? fantasises about someone else making my dinner for a change

@melmos

I think dd sounds really sweet and it sounds like you have a lovely relationship! And I am sorry shes going through a tough time atm. I probably wouldn't kick her when she is down and to be honest if she cleans up after youve cooked that sounds like my ideal arrangement! Maybe do some cooking together as it's a nice lock down activity something that she really likes? But I know loads of people who didn't cook in their twenties they either learn to later or buy premade food it's really not that big a deal! Hope she finds a job soon

Thank you

Yes we're incredibly close, she's my best friend and I'm so glad she doesn't want to leave home because I'd miss her so much! I am a bit worried about how she'll manage when she eventually does leave home but as you say there's always ready meals And from a selfish point of view it would be nice for someone to cook me a meal for once - unfortunately DH is similarly unskilled in the kitchen!

If she doesn't have a job and you are in the UK and so in lockdown then its the perfect time for her to learn to cook.
She can start by just assisting you in the kitchen. Ask her to come help peel and chop veg, stir etc. Make it fun, chat, maybe pretend you've hurt your hand or something if she needs persuading.
Honestly bit embarrassing that you've raised a 24year old who can't cook a single meal nor seems to have any inclination to learn.

My adult DS lives at home.
He contributes to the weekly online Sainsbury order - orders what he wants and pays for it. He then cooks what he wants, when he wants to.
Sometimes, if I feel like it, I'll cook a roast or a lasagne, whatever, and it's up to him if he wants some - he's welcome to whatever is there. If not, I just freeze the leftovers.
Works well for us.

Meant to add - he's a better cook than me! All those years watching Gordon Ramsey kitchen nightmares were worth it.

@Ragwort

I think I would be embarrassed if my 24 year old DS/DD didn't know how to cook .

My DS is 19 and at Uni - he cooks every night for himself in his flat (stir fry tonight, last night sea bass & fresh veg - he sends me a photo for a bit of fun ).

When he is at home I tend to cook, I enjoy cooking, don't want my kitchen messed up etc but would never cook him a 'separate' meal and he usually prepares a meal for us all once a week. If DH and I go out (lovely thought - pre Covid of course) he would cook for himself, I wouldn't prepare anything for him ... unless there are leftovers to be finished.

How did your DD manage when she was at Uni? Why won't she eat with you?

She lived at home when she was at uni.

Me and DH eat quite late and DD has her dinner earlier. Also me and DH are vegan and she's not so we have different food.

I'm not embarrassed that she can't cook - like I say, I've tried to teach her the basics but she's just not interested. It's not for want of trying!

Sorry, just re-read that she lived at home when a Uni student.

I only have a 3 year old so obviously cook all meals but I can't imagine cooking a separate meal for an adult child - although I'd happily make enough for everyone to eat together.

When I was living at home my parents always cooked for me but we'd all eat together (the same thing). I went off to uni not really knowing how to cook much but I soon figured it out and now enjoy experimenting with new recipes.
Necessity is the mother of invention and all that.

She wont gain confidence if you dont get her to cook.
So she bunrned z pan
No bnig deal
A uni student...she czn follow youtube or kids cooking programmes.
And your dh too.
Take a werk off.
Let them cook for you.

@NuniaBeeswax

On MN your children should be doing all their own washing, ironing and cooking three course meals for the whole family by the time they're out of nappies.

That's certainly not the case for me. But by 24 I expect them to have moved out.

Here are some easy recipes
www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/shows/i-can-cook

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000pndt

I think you should be encouraging your dd to be a bit more independent as cooking is a life skill!

www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/curations/cbbc-recipes

Bit embarrassing to be 24 and unable to do something so basic. It's not helpful for her if she never learns.

And from a selfish point of view it would be nice for someone to cook me a meal for once - unfortunately DH is similarly unskilled in the kitchen

Starvation is a powerful motivator.

OP, you and your husband have done her a disservice by not insisting that she learn to cook at least basic food

@Mincingfuckdragon2 unfortunately DH doesn't cook either! I've tried to engage her but she really isn't bothered. On rare occasions when I've not been able to cook for her (health reasons, usually) she's managed to put a frozen pizza in the oven but that's it.

Im a little older than your DD and at her age would have been absolutely mortified to need my mother to cook for me.

This is learned helplessness, she's playing you like a fiddle.

I lived at home at 24 and paid board and council tax. My mum cooked all my meals unless I wanted something other than what she was cooking and if that was the case I made it myself. I would clean, hoover, dust and cook now and again to give her a break.

I wouldn't be up for making separate meals for her, at 24 I would expect her to be able to prepare them herself.

mines 15 and has been fully independent for breakfast and lunch since about 11, dinner we all eat together and she has learnt one or two meals so far and takes a turn once a week cooking and couple times clearing. If she didn't want what we were having she would be cooking herself and has done light meals when she didn't want to eat a big meal (so something on toast). To me paying keep means you get room, access to laundry and cooking facilities and can use food bought for the household considerately

(If 10 year olds can then your dd can )

You say 'she's your best friend' but honestly, would you cook a separate evening meal for your best friend every single night just because they didn't want to eat at the same time as you or liked the food you ate? Sounds like you enjoy the co-dependency.

Like a PP said, my aim in raising my DS is to ensure he is a fully functioning adult and eventually my role is redundant - I always asked myself 'how will he cope if I drop dead' - sounds morbid but I am being brutally honest.

Now is a great time to do online lessons. Lets face it cooking isn't really difficult you just have to be present and follow the recipe

@Embracelife

She wont gain confidence if you dont get her to cook. So she bunrned z pan No bnig deal A uni student...she czn follow youtube or kids cooking programmes. And your dh too. Take a werk off. Let them cook for you.

I love cooking but oh my god I would love a week off from it! Sadly though I think there would be mutiny

And so can your dh.
Get them both cooking. Start basic with the kids recipes.

I cooked my own meals from 12 when I went veggie. Mums rules were that she'd buy ingredients but not cook a separate meal. I moved back for about 6 months after uni and paid board and same rule applied. I cooked for everyone regularly (including meat and the Sunday roast) from 14 and so did my brother.

My dds are 11 and they do their own breakfast and lunch. Dd1can and does knock up pasta for us all.

MIL took your approach with her 4 kids until they moved out aged between 25 - 30. 2 became excellent cooks, one (dh) is competent but doesn't enjoy it. SIL really struggled when she left home at 26 ish and ended up eating a lot of takeaways and ready meals. She only really learned at 37 when her daughter came along and her own mil took her in hand and taught her.