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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He's put his ex's photos back up

108 replies

Meltdown8 · 09/02/2021 18:41

I know it's nothing serious between us yet. But it's serious enough. Ive been dating a man and we've decided to give it a go as boyfriend and girlfriend after lockdown. We were going well before!

But!! We've only ever been to my house or out on dates. He wants me to go to his but it's always been easier at mine so far. I would like to go to his house after all this

he split from his last girlfriend after the best part of ten years. He's given me snippets of the split. It sounds like they drifted apart. Potentially she wanted to do things without him. He claims they sat down and agreed it was over then ,10 months later he got a flat without her.

They obviously went to a wedding once and got photos of them posing and kissing and staring into the distance. I believe this wedding was 2013 based on the date. I was quite surprised the first time he sent me a selfie on his sofa to see her and him snogging in a picture behind him. Shrugged it off. But then I noticed two more in his bedroom on the walls. Eventually I commented that he was snogging another women on the wall. He ignored the comment.

After six more weeks and lots more time invested I commented again. He sent a photo to ask if I liked his new top only for his ex to be hugging him on the wall. He replied sorry I've taken it down now.

He has sent the odd picture since. They were down so I felt happy.

We had a tiny blip two weeks ago. Cross wires and had a tiny argument. Solved the next day. Everything is good between us now. He sent a photo to show me his haircut and the picture frames are in the background. Although the actual pictures not showing the frames were in the photo just.

So what the hell?

What can I possibly say now? I can't control what he has on his walls but what an earth has made him put her back on the wall?

OP posts:

GoryGilmore · 09/02/2021 18:45

Are you sure the girlfriend isn’t around anymore?

Honeybobbin · 09/02/2021 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Meltdown8 · 09/02/2021 18:47

Yes 100% they split march 2019 and she's kept their house. She knows about me. They send the odd message. Always felt like he still holds a torch for her. But I understood it after the time they were together. But this photo thing is really making me think he's not over her. I think the split was possibly more her choice.

OP posts:

suspiria777 · 09/02/2021 18:48

seems like a really juvenile thing to worry about.

Original poster

Meltdown8 · 09/02/2021 18:49

They are over she's not on his social media pages. He's single. He talks to me on his page publicly. He's told friends about me. She definitely doesnt live there.

OP posts:

Theunamedcat · 09/02/2021 18:50

Why would he move out split up from her and put loads of photos up of her unless he isnt actually over her

Walk away tell him why if your feeling generous but still walk away

GoryGilmore · 09/02/2021 18:51

Well, when I saw photos of an ex in my boyfriend’s house, it’s because he was a bullshitting liar and she wasn’t an ex at all. He kept me away from his place as well, until she went away on a work trip. Then it was convenient for me to visit all of a sudden. He didn’t do a very good job of covering his tracks though, the lying ball bag.

Sammiesnake · 09/02/2021 18:52

It’s his flat, why are you controlling his photos? He can have whatever photos he likes up in his own home. It sounds like a very new relationship and you’re nagging him about some old photos. Honestly... there’s more to life OP! Relax and enjoy it or don’t bother at all - you’re over worrying about crap!

YukoandHiro · 09/02/2021 18:53

Got to say I would imagine they're still together in some way and he's not been entirely honest with you - either that or he's keen to get back with her, so again not being truthful with you.

louise4754 · 09/02/2021 18:53

You said you couldn't actually see the picture?

Original poster

Meltdown8 · 09/02/2021 18:53

He had major depression when they split. I think it broke him loosing her. I think she remained friendly with him. I don't know her at all to say if she is still tormenting him in any way. It appears they send the odd message. He told her about me. She was happy for him apparently. But it's so clear to me that something isn't right with these photos. Like I say theres 3 of them in his house. All from a wedding 8 years ago. He has them on his Facebook too.

I'm completely baffled. How can we be a couple if he has her above the bed still.

OP posts:

Chickychoccyegg · 09/02/2021 18:54

It's absolutely not a juvenile thing to worry, about, so ignore ridiculous comments like that.
I wouldn't worry too much about it, through I probably wouldn't be very happy about it either, especially with him taking them down, then putting them back up.
Could you maybe just ask him why he's put them back up and say it makes you feel a little uncomfortable, see what he says?

Sammiesnake · 09/02/2021 18:55

What do you mean he has them on Facebook? As his profile photo or just on Facebook amongst loads of other photos?

BigPaperBag · 09/02/2021 18:55

It up to you really @Meltdown8 I can only go on what you’ve said but from the small amount you’ve said I think there may be a chance he’s hoping something may happen with her. Or if not that, he may not have moved on fully. If you can live with not being number 1 in his life then go for it but be aware that she may end up being a permanent fixture in your life.

OhCaptain · 09/02/2021 18:56

So he’s put these photos up in a new flat. It’s not like she moved out and he’d forgotten about them.

Is this even worth the drama?

Original poster

Meltdown8 · 09/02/2021 18:57

The exact frames are back on the walls where a nail has been showing since he took them down. It appears he's put them back up since we had that row.

Unless they are both sneakily seeing eachother they are definitely over. I don't think he would be even entertaining me if he was able to go back there.

Its clearly something emotionally he can't deal with. I know he's miserable in the flat and lonely. But I feel he should be leaving them down if he wants to be with me. It's odd. He must have been thinking of her recently again.

OP posts:

OhCaptain · 09/02/2021 18:58

He’s not over her. That’s my guess.

BejeweledCrocs · 09/02/2021 18:59

What does this bit mean OP?

"Although the actual pictures not showing the frames were in the photo just."

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 09/02/2021 18:59

This is not a juvenile thing to get upset about OP, I would be bothered by this too.

He obviously isn't over her. He might feel that as long as he has a piece of her in his home then she may come back.

I'd walk away from this, and start afresh with someone who can make you happy.

Original poster

Meltdown8 · 09/02/2021 18:59

They are just in his tagged photos on Facebook. Always had it in my gut he isn't over her. But I think he's quite serious about us. But I am struggling with this because if he was happy with me and what we have been building his head should surely be in the future. It's been two years like I say. Hardly a recent split. She's definitely still in his heart. Despite what he tells me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Meltdown8 · 09/02/2021 19:01

He's purposely not got the photo in but the edge of the frames have slipped into hi recent picture. It's clear it's them because they are proffesional large frames made to fit those pictures.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 09/02/2021 19:02

So he's moved into a flat on his own and put up photos of them together?

He's not over her.

He might really like you. He might understand there's no going back to the ex. But he's not over her yet.

Tumblebugsjump · 09/02/2021 19:03

Hmmm, I would move on, and explain kindly why, he's clearly not over it at all. You don't want to be in the position of having to keep mentioning it.

BejeweledCrocs · 09/02/2021 19:04

Oh I see. You could just about see the frames were there.

Could he have put another photo in the frames? Like a non ex one?

If I was giving him the benefit of the doubt I would suggest maybe he is one of those blokes who doesnt really think about such things. So it was something to cover a hook rather than a sentimental gesture.

Think you'll have to ask him.

Littlepaws18 · 09/02/2021 19:06

He moved into this house after they split and he has decorated it with pics of them??!!!

WTF get rid

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