Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect heating to be on?

583 replies

Glitterinthegrey · 08/02/2021 16:39

Me & DD's are spending our days at my FIL house for the next couple of weeks while some work is being done on our house.

We're having meals here, but I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too.

It's absolutely freezing in his house! Youngest DD is sitting under a duvet in the spare room, and oldest is wearing her gloves to do her homework. There is snow on the ground outside. I asked him (politely) if we could put the heating on - he says it'll come on automatically if it goes below 16.5 degrees!

AIBU to think this is too bloody cold? He just shrugged and said that we should wear more clothes!

OP posts:
FreekStar · 08/02/2021 17:58

But these threads are always piled on by those who like it cold- most people have heating set to 20 degrees or even more.

Puffalicious · 08/02/2021 17:59

I'm with the PP who say that heating is one thing I will not scrimp on. If you can afford it, your house should be comfortable, especially with it so bitter outside. We have 3 floors, 3 kids and an old house, so a large heating bill, which I think is worth it. DH is a heating engineer so it's as efficient as it could possibly be. What's life without a bit of comfort?

To echo a PP heated blankets are awesome. Super cheap to run and really cosy. I bought one for the garage when we were allowed to meet folk in the garden/ garage with doors open- was brilliant for my sisters/ friends popping in one at a time.

Hagotcha80 · 08/02/2021 17:59

If he says no, I would pack up my children and I would head home.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 08/02/2021 18:00

@SuperLoudPoppingAction

Are you contributing to utilities? It would cost me a fortune to keep the house warmer than 16.5
Really? I think we would spend bugger all on heating if we set it to 16.5.
Earlybirdcatches · 08/02/2021 18:01

He’s a shitty host if he won’t turn the heating on for you (op has said he can afford it).

Beforethetakingoftoastandtea · 08/02/2021 18:01

@CoffeeRunner

But 16.5 degrees isn’t all that cold. My point was actually that maybe his thermostat isn’t working as well as it should!
I have raynauds and i would be in gloves at 16 degrees.
EmmaGrundyForPM · 08/02/2021 18:01

Ours is set to 17 overnight and 18 during the day. Our last electricity bill was really high as we had it at 19 so now we are trying 18 most of the time. I think it's because we are wfh. Pre Covid, dh worked from home 2 days a week but I never did, and he had a little plug in radiator in his study that he put on for extra heat rather than turn the thermostat up. With 3 of us wfh this winter we have had the thermostat at 19 to keep the house warmer during the day. We have now gone to 18 as a compromise.

I can't bear a hot house and sleep with the window open. But I have very good circulation, I rarely wear gloves and rarely do my coat up.

I think people get used to a certain temperature. Can you offer to pay your FIL more towards bills and then buy a small heater for the rooms you are using?

junebirthdaygirl · 08/02/2021 18:02

In schools its recommended to be 16 degrees. Any lower and we are not supposed to stay open. That's in lreland. So that's ok for moving around but sitting down studying or working it's too cold. I am always colder in other peoples houses. I hate it.
We keep every room at 18 and sitting room at 20 to be a bit more cosy.

MrMucker · 08/02/2021 18:02

I don't get why people are suggesting it makes it ok to bung him some cash and turn the heating up. He doesn't want the heating up.
He's putting you up temporarily, and he is already having to get used to additional people around the house. Why should he also have to feel overheated?
Put some more clothes on and/or get yourself a little oil radiator on wheels, not a fan heater like someone suggested-they eat money and they dry the air. Just a little oil radiator to sit next to when you need to get on with stuff sitting down.
You cannot expect the heating on, and money doesn't make any difference imho

Sweet666 · 08/02/2021 18:03

Yes i do live in UK it is not bad if you wear enough clothes, the winter this year has been very mild I think? It's about getting used to it and then you can handle it better

DietrichandDiMaggio · 08/02/2021 18:05

My mum (85) always says she doesn't understand pensioners who complain about not being able to afford to heat their homes when they all receive the winter fuel allowance.

Smurfymurphy · 08/02/2021 18:06

These threads are always a race to the coldest temperatures. Utterly bonkers.

Tell him your kids are cold and for the heating to be on. Tell him you will pay (again) and hand him cash. Tell him the kids can’t be cold.

Snowwaiting · 08/02/2021 18:07

I don’t think 16.5 is that cold - but if you are sat still learning then it probably feels it . I dislike any environment over about 18 .

If he’s doing you a favour and doesn’t want his heating higher then there’s not much you can do other than layer up and maybe go out for a walk at lunch to get colder so you’ll feel the benefit when you come back

Mintjulia · 08/02/2021 18:08

This winter I've reduced ours to 17.5 degrees, while having a lower income. It felt cold for the first few days but we've adjusted - 2 T-shirts, outdoor fleece, jeans, thick tights and socks and now I don't notice. But lower than that doesn't sound inviting.

MaxNormal · 08/02/2021 18:09

I have mine set at 3 degrees max and simply wear every single item of clothing i posses all at the same time. Easy!

You're winning the thread so far, but give it time Grin

DareDevil223 · 08/02/2021 18:09

Only on MN could wanting to be warm indoors in winter be turned into a moral failing. You can all live like you're at Dotheboys Hall but I'll put my heating on and be cosy ta very much...

RileyG73 · 08/02/2021 18:09

I set mine to 14-16 in the day. Never feels cold, we're not frugal when it comes to heating, if we need it we have it (our heating in winter is 100quid a month)

But if it feels cold give him some money and turn it up. Or book a hotel?

Sounds fuckin grim being so cold

TheLetterZ · 08/02/2021 18:09

@Alwaysandforeverhere

Our house at 18 it’s freezing like can’t feel your feet freezing. Anything below 20 and you need jumpers. We have terrible drafts though even with double glazing etc.
Of course you should be wearing jumpers - it’s February and a cold snap!

Sitting still does you make feel the cold a lot more, I do make up a hot water bottle to put on my lap if I am feeling the cold.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 08/02/2021 18:12

I think we would spend bugger all on heating if we set it to 16.5
Well it depends on your house doesn’t it. Our living room hasn’t gotten over 17 despite the heating being on all day. It’s set to turn off at 18 anyway but it’s difficult to get it to that because we can’t afford to replace the windows, have a bay window and no heating int he hallway or kitchen. We can’t all afford to make our houses super energy efficient.

But these threads are always piled on by those who like it cold- most people have heating set to 20 degrees or even more.
Or, people genuinely have their heating set to different temperatures. It’s not “piling on” because some of us would sweat all night baking at 20 degrees it’s just stating the exact same thing you are. And I think that proves that “most” people have their heating at what suits them Hmm

bloodywhitecat · 08/02/2021 18:12

It has been mild but today we have a 2ft snow drift in the front garden. Maybe we are wimps but the heating is set to 18° in the day and 12.5° overnight.

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2021 18:13

I struggle to believe many people would be prefer a home at 16,5 in this weather, that’s about cost all day long.

We have ours between 20 and 22.

Op can you buy some little fan heaters? It’s not ok for him to both refuse heating and refuse money for it. It’s too cold. Your kids sitting there under duvets isn’t comfortable.

So many people are in heating poverty, it’s depressing.

JustFrustrated · 08/02/2021 18:14

Mines currently at 26 degrees, just figured I'd offset the weirdos who think 16.5 is ok.

It's not. It's really really not.

NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor · 08/02/2021 18:14

@MaxNormal

I have mine set at 3 degrees max and simply wear every single item of clothing i posses all at the same time. Easy!

You're winning the thread so far, but give it time Grin

At being Facetious maybe. Is it such a difficult concept to grasp that some people prefer colder homes and that some of us understand it’s February and jumpers are a bloody given. No wonder the climate is shot to shit.
TwelvePaws · 08/02/2021 18:14

He sounds tight. If he didn’t turn it up, I’d go and stay with someone else if I could. I hate to be cold as it makes me feel really miserable. Our heating is on 22 or 23. I still have throws on the back of the sofas to use as I can still feel cold if I’m just sitting watching tv or at my desk working. If I’m up and about cleaning/tidying/exercising then I’ll turn it down.
My grandparents had their heating set to 16 and it was so cold. The radiators were always cold, I’m not convinced it ever turned on because even when our heating broke a couple of years ago in the snow, our house was still 17 degrees. They were tight but died leaving hundreds of thousands in the bank. Crazy.

WriteronaMission · 08/02/2021 18:14

I have never understood why people want to prove how stubborn they are by having as house as cold as possible. I wear so many layers to go out, I don't want to keep them on when I come home! Being cold makes many people miserable. Just out the bloody heating on. It's worth the cost imo.

We have it at 20. I've seen very little difference in cost between 18 and 20 so it's at what makes the majority of us on the house the happiest.

Screw the "put layers on."

And if you have guests, making them comfortable is polite. I wouldn't expect a host to have it exactly as I do, but 16 or 16.5 would make me miserable and I'd resent the person. 18 is a good compromise.

But if your FIL is just going to be like that, I'd do hot water bottles. When our heating broke down last winter, I had hot water bottles (I wfh) and was still comfortable enough.