To ask who you had at your DC’s birth and do you regret it?

[mojitosnow]

Inspired by quite a few threads I’ve seen recently about birthing partners etc. I realised that over the years I’ve seen a fair amount of MNers saying that they had their MIL, SIL etc present at the birth and I could never imagine having them there during labour even though I am very close with my ILs!

So thought it’d be interesting to have a thread on who you had at the birth and why, and if you’d change it looking back. I had my DSis and DH at the first birth and DH (a very lovely helpful man at all other times!) was just awful, he completely panicked and couldn’t cope. So for the rest I either had DSis or went in on my own, I’ve had very quick births so DH didn’t miss much and I wouldn’t change a thing

What about all of you?

Just DP for me. To be honest I would have rather not been there myself so wasn’t keen on an audience.

Just my DH both times

Just DP and he was brilliant. He's medical and has delivered a few babies himself so was very calm throughout.

Just OH and midwives.

I would have hated anyone else there.

My ex and my mum for my first birth. Then just my partner for my next two.

Just OH but pandemic baby so he wasn’t allowed in until I was in active labour which was some two days after I went in!

DH for baby one. DM for baby two as husband was away with forces. Mum was a better coach !

DH and an entire theatre of HCPs. All very useful in their own way.

Just dh both times
I was my sister's birth partner as the father had fucked off and was an arsehole.

Just DH first time. Well, at the actual delivery just half of him as he was shouting for help at the door and no one else was there. (In hospital)

Second time... My DM. DH was away with work. I'd have preferred DH. I was happy my DM was there, but she did make it a bit about her, rather than me.

Just DH. Can't imagine wanting anyone else. I think if he had some reason been unavailable I would have gone on my own with just the midwife rather than ask anyone else.

For me it's far too intimate to share with anyone I'm not otherwise that intimate with.

Just DH and the midwives and doctors. If it hadn't been for COVID I might have had my best friend there too, as she's a trainee midwife and would have been great. Maybe for the next baby!

Just DH and about a million medical students. I'd restrict the number of med students another time.

Husband and a dozen medical professionals for both.

Just DH for me, and I made sure he knew in advance exactly what I wanted him to do. I didn't want him 'helping' or giving me advice.

For me it's far too intimate to share with anyone I'm not otherwise that intimate with.

That's how I feel.

If OH wasn't there I would just have midwives.

DH & MIL, DS1

DH DS2, MIL was looking after DS1.

No regrets, MIL has been an amazing Nan to our DS’s.

DH I couldn’t imagine him ever missing the births of our DC, even if he was totally useless as you’ve described yours to be.
I couldn’t imagine having anyone else there either

1st - just DH. He was useless and agreed to all sorts on my behalf that I had previously refused.
2nd- doula and DH.
3rd - with an independent MW and DH (who I told to tell her to come now but who said he'd call back when she was needed, luckily she ignored him, set off anyway and just about made it). DC1&2 came in and out. It was lovely and relaxed (once MW arrived)
4th - DH and two IMs. DC1-3 came down, whinged a lot about food and how long it was all taking so MW shooed them away (and DH, same IM, still hadn't forgotten) DH wasn't around much as the MWs kept giving him jobs and sending him off to check on the DC.

OH , my mum and my 10 year old DD and despite posts on other threads on here she did want to be there, she was not hysterical and it was lovely and a great way for her to be involved and bond with her sister considering we had such a big age gap, she came down to the hospital with my mum once I was in established labour.

My xh. Yes.

Just DP, and a midwife plus student midwife. DP was brilliant, I had a traumatic birth and he really really helped me just by being there next to me

Had dh + medical staff at the birth of both of mine. Dh was perfect as I knew he would be. Calm, attentive but left me alone when I needed to be left alone, didn't make it about him at all. My mum would probably have been ok too, but I wanted this time to be with just the two of us.

Just DH. He was mostly sat in the corner, not because he was useless but because I go into myself when in pain and can’t imagine anything worse than someone talking to me or touching me all the way through. I didn’t need or want anyone else there. However I gave birth on a labour ward with 2 midwives in the room almost all of the time, perhaps I might have felt differently if we were in the unit where you’re kind of left to your own devices.

Dc1 plan was husband and mum. MIL got over excited at having 1st grandchild, so arrived at hospital with a full picnic and managed to get into the room with us. Surreally watching her give out sandwiches, crisps, pop and sausage rolls to everyone in the room while I was giving birth. I didn't want her there but didn't know how to say without upsetting her so she ended up staying too.
DC2 sent DC1 to my parents. Kept his parents in dark so a repeat of first labour didn't happen. Just the two of us at hospital. Called afterwards to say they had another grandchild.