To ask who you had at your DC’s birth and do you regret it?

[mojitosnow]

Inspired by quite a few threads I’ve seen recently about birthing partners etc. I realised that over the years I’ve seen a fair amount of MNers saying that they had their MIL, SIL etc present at the birth and I could never imagine having them there during labour even though I am very close with my ILs!

So thought it’d be interesting to have a thread on who you had at the birth and why, and if you’d change it looking back. I had my DSis and DH at the first birth and DH (a very lovely helpful man at all other times!) was just awful, he completely panicked and couldn’t cope. So for the rest I either had DSis or went in on my own, I’ve had very quick births so DH didn’t miss much and I wouldn’t change a thing

What about all of you?

The only thing I regret is not seeking help earlier with ds2. Instead of waiting for my appointment the next day.

I had DH and a doula. DH was pretty useless tbh, he did make it to the birth but was on phone working in early stages (is a workaholic). Doula was great because I was paying her to do whatever I needed,so I had no shame in sending her to get things etc, and she had lots of experience of births so was a great breathing coach. Definitely recommend a doula!

Couldn’t have had family like mum etc they would have made me tense / drained energy. But I can imagine that if I had different family relationships it would be lovely to have an older experienced family mum.

My mother and my husband (then boyfriend) with my first, very long Labour, I’m glad I had both because it meant they could take breaks and I wasn’t alone, which was good because I was young and scared.
With my second just my husband, with my third no one including a mw because she came to fast!

Ps had a home birth so obviously midwives were there whole time too. I think I do regret it. Was lovely being at home but midwives had to make some tricky calls and if I’d been in hospital I’d definitely have been given a caesarean, looking back altho it went ok we all took too many risks with both baby and me. (Midwives even lied on the paperwork to cover up what happened!) I did have an infection post birth and I do wonder if that was because I was home and not in a properly sterile environment. The hired water birth tank probably wasn’t a good idea either 🤦‍♀️

I regret being bullied by midwives into having DH there. The birth where I was alone except for busy midwife doing obs through the night and with me for the actual delivery was definitely the easiest, I was relaxed and in my own little world.

Just DH. I’m surprised by all these comments that people would have preferred to be alone - my DH was brilliant! In early labour he kept me cheerful, there was lots of laughter with the midwives etc. Later, he was an amazing support and held the gas and air for me. I felt much safer with him there and knew that because he was my advocate I could concentrate on the giving birth bit!

Then, when I was weak and shaky from copious anti blood pressure medication, he did skin to skin with the baby while the doc stitched me up for half an hour (it really was that long, it’s in my notes!). He held her while I had a bath and we just enjoyed being a new little family unit.

Since then, he’s told me what happened for the bits where I was too busy to notice. I’m 32 weeks with my second and would be devastated if I had to give birth without him. He’s my comfort and my rock!

First baby - everyone in the bloody hospital. Unwanted and uninvited. I hated all the doctors, MWs and all the students and sundry HCP that gawped at me as I had a naked, non consented no pain relief episiotomy and forceps. I was screaming in pain and they all just stared at me. Hideous.

I had my 3 other babies at home. Just me and DH. Lovely.

Just me. OH stayed in the labour room whilst I went down to theatre for C section. No, wouldn’t change it.

DD - I had DH but I wish I’d had my mum. DH kept panicking and leaving the room when I really needed him to just sit with me (when they were breaking my waters, needing to call an ambulance to the birthing centre etc). I do appreciate it was frightening for him but it was the only time ever in my life when it should have just been about me. Also he noisily ate a stinking bag of cheese and onion crisps when I hadn’t eaten in 30 hours and I could happily have murdered him.

My mum, a nurse, would have bollocked the young doctor who gave me a horribly rough examination and made me bawl, and lost her shit at the midwife who refused to believe I was experiencing pain (my epidural had fallen out hours before but nobody bothered checking).

DS - it was a planned c section so DH again with strict rules about no crisps If I had planned for natural labour I’d have asked my mum.

Planning on just my DH (not due til summer) and I am really hoping I'm not allowed visitors by then!! Don't want an audience or any fuss, I've been so glad to have been pregnant during a pandemic as I've just been left alone to get on with it without anyone interfering!

DH and sister. Would have preferred they had both waited outside tbh.

I have 4 dc. My dc1 I was an 18 year old single mum, and had my mum there. I really wish I hadn't..... as she's got older her narcissistic tendencies have got more and more pronounced, and she always goes on about how she was the one to hold him first. She wasn't.... that of course was me! But she's completely rewritten history. At 32 he can do now wrong according to her, his nickname is Golden Ball .

Otherwise, dc2 was my now xh (same father as dc1), and with dc3 and 4 it was my now husband who has always been absolutely amazing.

Just DH and the midwife. Would've been ok with just the midwife tbh. I really wouldn't want anyone else there.

Mine was during Covid so could only have one partner and only in active labour - was due to have DP but in the last minute I told him to call my mom instead so she came - it all went a bit dramatic and ended up in emergency csec and to be honest I’m so glad I had her with me rather than him I think he was secretly relieved too...

DC1 - mum and partner
DC2 - partner and DC1

Just dh. I find it very odd and awkward to have had anyone else there.

DS1 ex-bf, he did ok, we were young but he kept rubbing my arm.
DD1 my best friend, MW and student MW, think i terrified student as MW said I was 10cm but they'd give me 30mins for epidural to wear off before pushing and left. i didn't fancy the wait and as soon as the next contraction came I started pushing, student panicked and kept shouting for the MW, when she came in she totally calm and said "i figured you wouldn't wait around"
DD2 German trainee MW, MW and DH, he refused to read up on anything to do with the birth, he figured if he didn't know it was going wrong then he wouldn't panic, and he was right, she was whisked off straight away as had swallowed meconium. But he was totally calm looking on not knowing what was happening and just kept telling me she was beautiful!!!
DD3 MW(who stayed totally in the background till DD began crowning, she was wonderful) and DH, I destroyed his tee-shirt as I grabbed it every time I had a contraction, the MW got him a scrubs top to wear home as it really was destroyed!!!!
DS2 DH and MW, she was an absolutely fabulous MW who seemed to be able to read my mind and even when I started to panic was able to bring me back to focus. It was going to be my last baby and it really was the birth I wanted, she made me feel completely in control and even included DH in everything.
Thankfully none of my births were terrible.

DH both times - we live 300 miles from family so no other option.

DS2 was literally just DH - midwife coming to home birth for lost and missed it. In hindsight, it was perfect, but I think DH would have preferred the help arriving 😂.

After he was born people started turning up in droves - first responder car, then an ambulance with two paramedics and a trainee, then the midwife, then the second midwife and a trainee. Our living room isn’t that big, and frankly, the work was done by then! It was very funny though. They all cleared off sharpish once it was clear we were all well, and then off to bed by 11pm. Blissful really.

DP and dsis both times and I was at her first birth too. Something lovely about having another woman there...

I had my husband, I only wanted my husband and never regretted it as such. He was brilliant for the most part, it was just a couple of things he did.

My labour was more long than anything else. I was due on the Sunday 30th august 2015, I was booked in for a sweep originally on the Wednesday, but I started having contractions on the Tuesday so I decided to see if things would progress naturally. They didn't so I ended up having a sweep at 3pm on the Friday (40+5). I got to the hospital at 9 that evening, was in the birth centre by 10.30, had my waters broken around 2am, then gave birth at 6.58am the Saturday morning (40+6).

I’d been having contractions day and night since the Tuesday, which meant I’d had little sleep. Fair enough he was awake and helping as much as he could as well. But 4 days and nights of contractions and little sleep meant by the time I was nearing the end I was physically exhausted, the midwife suggested a pethadine injection so I could rest, as I still had to actually deliver. It really helped and I did rest as much as I could, while still having contractions obviously.

Anyway when we were in the birth centre he kept saying he was tired because he’s been up off and on for 4 nights in a row, and he needed to sleep. Then he said it was alright for me because I was given my injection and got to sleep for 2 hours. I understand he was tired but I’d also been up off and on, and had the physical side of it which he didn’t. So if he was tired how on earth did he think I felt? At that time I felt he was a bit selfish for complaining about it. And as for the injection or ‘sleep’, it didn’t just send me into a relaxing sleep I was still in pain and having contractions. It allowed me to rest not actually sleep as such.

And he kept nipping out for some ‘fresh air’, meaning he went out for a cigarette. He said I was hot and there wasn’t much I could do when where was still a good few hours to go. And after I’d had the injection he said you were asleep and I had nothing else to do and was a bit bored. Again I didn’t appreciate the way he seemed to think it was for me.

We had strong words about it all after though.

None of that sounds very brilliant to me @happymummy12345. It sounds as if he was worse than mine which is why I’d rather have had my mum.

I had DH but would’ve liked DM too. She had to wait outside, but it didn’t take long thankfully (c sec).

Dh for all three births and for dc3, the next door neighbour (which is a bit random). I had a planned home birth, but as dd had passed meconium, the midwife called an ambulance, so rather than consult my comprehensive list of planned babysitters, he went next door! We did know them, their dd was at the same school as ours, but only on a nod and say hi level. Well after that night, she knew me a lot better than she ever thought she would . We never ended up needing to transfer to hospital so didn’t actually need her to stay with the older dc in the end, but best to be prepared.

@VinylDetective I know he didn't do it deliberately, he just didn't think about what he was saying before he said it. Looking back now I feel a bit bad for having a go at the time, but I was going through a lot and was annoyed about it. He was brilliant in every other way though.

My mum was never an option for me, I wouldn't have wanted her there at all. Especially after the way she was about my choices about giving birth.
And now we are completely non contact anyway so she's not part of our lives anymore. But she's the last person I'd ever have wanted there

My ex and he wasnt as useless as I expected him to be and kept me fairly calm.