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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour waking us at 4.50

235 replies

soughsigh · 08/02/2021 05:20

My neighbour has a really noisy car. He usually leaves for work at around 6.15 and wakes us all up then. For the last 4 years, we haven't said anything (especially since the toddler has been struggling with early starts for the last year so we're all up before then anyway). I don't know if it wakes any of the other neighbours up, our bedroom is quite close to their drive but you'd think it would wake the other side up too.

This morning be left for work at 4.50. It's really cold so he spent a few minutes revving the engine to warm it up faster. Needless to say he woke the whole house, and for once the toddler hadn't woken at 4.30.

Do I knock on the door and politely ask if he could take his wife's car to work if he starts before 6? She doesn't use it to get to work, it usually sits on the driveway during the day.

I'm genuinely torn here.
yabu - no don't say anything
Yunbu - your neighbour shouldn't be waking everyone before 5

Sorry if I can't reply quickly, I have a wide awake toddler to deal with.

OP posts:
Original poster
soughsigh · 08/02/2021 05:23

Oh - to add, we get on with them just fine. We're not besties or anything but will stop to have a quick chat on the street or whatever. They have an 8yo daughter. We have lived here for 5 years, he had a quieter car when we moved in.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 08/02/2021 05:23

Yabu.Noise like this is part of life. Definitely shouldn't be suggesting which car he should drive!

Jasperjosephjulian · 08/02/2021 05:24

I think this is just one of those things you have to accept if you live in a communal area like a cul-de-sac. So long as he isn't blaring his radio whilst he scrapes his car, there's not much he can do about the noise. I wouldn't take well to being asked to use my husband's car instead of my own. Our finances are worked on our mpg of each car and their relative expenses. Unless you were going to pay me the difference I wouldn't be complying.

Pippapotomus · 08/02/2021 05:24

Oh god I thought you might be my neighbour but there are no toddlers in the cul de sac!
DH does this and it echos through the street.

Original poster
soughsigh · 08/02/2021 05:27

I'm just trying to think of everything so no drip feed. We live on an incredibly quiet street with no traffic noise or any other noise (rural town). The toddler has white noise already but is a very light sleeper.

OP posts:
Original poster
soughsigh · 08/02/2021 05:29

@jasperjosephjulian
We live in the country so no traffic noise otherwise. That's what makes it so bad, it just stands out.

OP posts:
Original poster
soughsigh · 08/02/2021 05:30

@Jasperjosephjulian he has a sporty car, his wife's is much more sensible. I would say his wife's would cost a lot less to run, plus be a lot safer in the snow!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 08/02/2021 05:31

It sounds like he is just doing what is needed to go to work. It’s annoying but you really can’t complain about someone deicing their car when it’s cold

yvanka · 08/02/2021 05:31

If his usual leaving time is ok for you, I'd wait and see if this was a one-off. It's not reasonable to be revving a loud engine at 4:50am, but he may not realise it's loud enough to wake you up unless you say something. There's no harm in very politely asking if he could cut that out. I think you would probably look unhinged if you asked him to take the other car though and he would refuse.

garlictwist · 08/02/2021 05:32

No you can't ask him to take a different car! It's just one of those things, it's not his fault that it makes noise

Jasperjosephjulian · 08/02/2021 05:35

@soughsigh but you still live by other people which means you have to accept other noise. I also live in a very rural village with absolutely no traffic noise. Every Friday I get woken by the milkman at 4am. The bin lorry comes at 6.15am on a Monday. The house across the way is lived in by a nurse and she is generally turning her engine on around 5am and I hear her door open and close. I'm a light sleeper, wearing ear plugs. We moved here from somewhere with less neighbours (not that we have many now) but a busier road. The road noise was less 'disruptive' than household noise.

I'm afraid this fall's into the category of "I've got a young child and everything needs to fall into line for them" which just isn't how the world works, as miserable as that can be when you're sleep deprived. I'm also up at 5am Wink so I know that feeling well.

Jasperjosephjulian · 08/02/2021 05:39

The MPG was just to explain we have a reason for why we drive the cars we do. They will have their own reasoning. Perhaps she doesn't like to drive the sports car and so if he takes hers, she feels stuck in the house all day? Whatever the reason, it's not really any of your business. That's the car he owns so he has every right to drive it, whenever he wants. So long as he isn't being belligerent with how he uses it (sitting revving on the driveway for example).

makingmammaries · 08/02/2021 05:43

Was he actually revving it or merely had the engine idling? If revving, I’d say you could ask him not to do that.

GobletOfIre · 08/02/2021 05:48

Ask him not to rev as it’s unnecessary. You can’t ask him not to use his car.

PinkyParrot · 08/02/2021 05:48

I would try a chat to see if he can resolve this. Is he always leaving at this time now?
Otherwise I would set the alarm for 3am, wake up and put earplugs in then back to sleep.
DD, can she sleep in another room?
Once the weather improves he won't need to rev, could he park car farther away.

maddiemookins16mum · 08/02/2021 05:52

Revving surely makes no difference to it warming up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/02/2021 05:52

It isn’t acceptable to be revving an engine very early in the morning. No modern car needs this. Is it an old car? I’d be talking to him about it, definitely but you can’t expect him to take a different car. It’s so ingrained in his behaviour that he doesn’t realise it’s a nuisance. With a bit of luck he will come to the conclusion himself that the car is unacceptable.

SavannahMiasMum · 08/02/2021 05:52

Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do and asking is not really a good idea I’d feel especially if want stay good neighbours

rawlikesushi · 08/02/2021 05:57

It doesn't matter whether he leaves at 8am, 4:30am or 3am. He's not unreasonable to go to work in his own car.

If he was playing the radio loudly or shouting into his phone you might have grounds for a quiet word, but not simply starting his car and driving off.

And you don't know why he had to rev the car for a bit. If it's very cold it might have struggled to start. If it's snowed, he might have struggled to get off the drive. If you need absolute silence, move somewhere with no neighbours.

LaBellina · 08/02/2021 05:59

Does the car have some kind of issues that it’s being so noisy? I can’t imagine being woken up by a car unless its very very noisy.

I wouldn’t ask him to use his wife’s car as that might come across as nosy and entitled but I would casually mention that the noise wakes you up every morning. I would feel bad about it if I were your neighbor and try to find a solution like using the wife’s car indeed (even if it’s just on cold mornings) or perhaps parking the car a little further away from any houses if that was a possibility.

Jonnywishbone · 08/02/2021 06:15

Have you got good windows? We changed our single glazing to triple glazing and I got a much better night's sleep after.

3rdNamechange · 08/02/2021 06:15

It's a bit of a pain getting woken up but YABU he's going to work.
It's staggering you'd think it was ok to ask a neighbour to take a different car.

JemimaRacktool · 08/02/2021 06:18

So when your DC is being noisy you just decided that people have to put up with it but now that is no longer the situation, others have to be quiet.

Noisy neighbours are a reason to move house. You have that option.

CeefBurry · 08/02/2021 06:21

I hate noisy people. I will get flamed but nothing pisses me off more than other peoples noise.

It's an awkward one really to be honest.
It's absolutely unreasonable at 4.30 in the morning to be revving up the engine but at the same time, he's going to work.
Not sure what to suggest really to be honest op but I feel for you.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/02/2021 06:28

Revving the car at that time is a dick move. I don't remember DM revving the car on those freezing cold school runs, we just sucked up being cold. I wouldn't tell them what car to use but I'd tell him that you can hear the revving.