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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour waking us at 4.50

235 replies

soughsigh · 08/02/2021 05:20

My neighbour has a really noisy car. He usually leaves for work at around 6.15 and wakes us all up then. For the last 4 years, we haven't said anything (especially since the toddler has been struggling with early starts for the last year so we're all up before then anyway). I don't know if it wakes any of the other neighbours up, our bedroom is quite close to their drive but you'd think it would wake the other side up too.

This morning be left for work at 4.50. It's really cold so he spent a few minutes revving the engine to warm it up faster. Needless to say he woke the whole house, and for once the toddler hadn't woken at 4.30.

Do I knock on the door and politely ask if he could take his wife's car to work if he starts before 6? She doesn't use it to get to work, it usually sits on the driveway during the day.

I'm genuinely torn here.
yabu - no don't say anything
Yunbu - your neighbour shouldn't be waking everyone before 5

Sorry if I can't reply quickly, I have a wide awake toddler to deal with.

OP posts:
StepOutOfLine · 08/02/2021 08:33

This was just today?
Presumably because of the weather, both the starting the engine and leaving earlier than usual?

WeAllHaveWings · 08/02/2021 08:34

If it is one of those modified ridiculously loud exhausts I would speak to him, tell him the impact it is having and ask him to fix the problem (how he does that is up to him, not up to you to suggest how)

If he didn't fix it I would be reporting to police (they can warned/fined for modified excessively loud exhausts) and the council.

JustJustWhy · 08/02/2021 08:34

As someone who continues to work through the pandemic YABVVVVU. If you do say something, don't expect a positive response.

Sarapq2 · 08/02/2021 08:36

I'd say it's part of life.
I used to have to take my partner to work for 5 am so in winter there would be cars starting etc I'm sure I disturbed my neighbours etc
It's not being anti social ( I've experienced that) it's just life
To even think about asking him to use his wife's car is a cheek , she may not like driving it etc and it may cause ill feelings between you .

chocorabbit · 08/02/2021 08:36

@Mummyoflittledragon

It isn’t acceptable to be revving an engine very early in the morning. No modern car needs this. Is it an old car? I’d be talking to him about it, definitely but you can’t expect him to take a different car. It’s so ingrained in his behaviour that he doesn’t realise it’s a nuisance. With a bit of luck he will come to the conclusion himself that the car is unacceptable.
The most sensible post IMO.
londongirl12 · 08/02/2021 08:39

My old NDN always left his car running in the morning. One morning it went on for 30 mins!!! I was ready to lose my shit!!! Luckily they have moved. I was ready to get the local criminals on the case and nick it, as he always went back indoors when he left it running Grin

Nomorepies · 08/02/2021 08:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

mynewusernameisthis · 08/02/2021 08:43

Can you move your toddler to a different room?

alltheadrenalin · 08/02/2021 08:49

I'd laugh at the suggestion of which car to use

SuperSharpShooter · 08/02/2021 08:53

I think the suggestion of asking him to use his wife’s car is the kinda crazy shit our tired brains think is reasonable at 4:30am
You can’t ask him that, but if he is revving you can for sure ask him to stop. It’s unnecessary and I don’t believe for one minute they don’t know it’s loud at.
If you get on with them as you say and they seem reasonable, I’d speak to him - don’t be all apologetic, remember he knows he’s got a stupid loud car... he just needs reminding not to be a dick.
“Bummer you’re having to stay work so early these days , no need to rev the car though mate,
It’s proper loud in our house at 4:am”

ElizaLaLa · 08/02/2021 08:54

Oh god I thought you might be my neighbour but there are no toddlers in the cul de sac!
DH does this and it echos through the street.

You need to tell him to stop then. How fucking selfish!

Original poster
soughsigh · 08/02/2021 08:55

Sorry, I have been toddler wrangling this morning. Surprisingly he was very cheerful!

We have a detached house, we can't hear each other when we are in the house. Neighbour noise is generally not a problem.

I thought that offering a solution is better than saying 'you are waking us all up' but clearly I am wrong there.

I am not annoyed because he's waking the toddler, I am annoyed because he is waking us all. It was more annoying being woken unnecessarily at 6.20 before I had children! At least I'm used to the early start. I couldn't get back to sleep afterwards before DS.

He works for an engineering company, so no WFH is possible. His wife is a teacher, she gets a taxi to work for some reason (the school is half an hour away!) so her car sits on the drive unused. He still sits with his engine idling for 5 minutes in the summer, we think he is choosing music to play or something.

Basically he has absolutely zero consideration.

My husband leaves for work occasionally at 5am and manages to do so without waking me up because he leaves as fast and quietly as he can. I am also hoping he doesn't disturb the neighbours either.

OP posts:
MrMucker · 08/02/2021 08:55

Very entitled, if the main concern is the kid sleeping..
You ought to be focusing on adjusting your toddler to a normal range of noises such as this, and coaxing them back to sleep if there is too much noise. Or if they are up, explaining that it does not matter about car noise, they are still safe at home and they can lie there and try to close their eyes again.
For yourselves, if the car wakes you up, at least you know it's a temporary noise just from somebody doing normal stuff.
It's not like hours and hours long of party music that you have no say in and cuts your night's sleep in half. But if you let it annoy you, you're not going to help your toddler accept it either.

Maybe there is stuff you do which bugs your neighbours but which they are silently just putting up with. People do that, that's neighbours. But with you stressing about this sort of noise it makes me think you're just not used to putting up with what you don't like much.

SuperSharpShooter · 08/02/2021 08:56

*loud AF
*start work

MrMucker · 08/02/2021 08:56

Sorry, only just saw post before, I gues some of that does not apply

Cloudybeanie · 08/02/2021 08:58

Theres probably a reason she doesn't use her car then OP, and it's not really any of your business, is it? No one would pay for a taxi if they were able to drive and had a car in their drive most likely. Some cars do need their engines idling for a little bit before setting off, I agree the revving is annoying and uneccessary, but I think you'll just have to deal with it unfortunately, unless you fancy gifting him a silent electronic car. If he was heading off early to pop to MC Donald's or whatever every day, it would be his choice but less acceptable, work is different.

Emeraldshamrock · 08/02/2021 08:59

It is part of life. My neighbours sublet to their pals it is very overcrowded.
The all have work vans and leave really early 5am onward they wake me slamming van door repeatedly.
There is not much they can do.

savethewales · 08/02/2021 09:00

Is he leaving the engine running to defrost the car or revving the engine?

FADHD · 08/02/2021 09:07

Sorry YABU. My husband drives a noisy work vehicle and I cringe when I hear him leaving in the mornings at 5/6 but he couldn’t simply just take my car. That’s not how it works.

amusedbush · 08/02/2021 09:10

Because of the way parking is set up in our square, my neighbour's car is right under my bedroom window and he sits revving his engine when it's icy. I can't hear a car idling outside but he revs and revs for about 15 minutes, long enough that it wakes me up properly and I can't get back to sleep.

He did it at 7am on a Sunday morning (I'd been getting up at 5:50am for two weeks and I was so looking forward to a lie in) and I nearly cried. It's so antisocial and unnecessary - I'm on the countdown to warmer weather.

Biscoffaddict · 08/02/2021 09:11

This is normal neighbourly noise I’m afraid. Don’t say anything, you’ll look like a twat.

Sometimes I can’t believe how entitled some posters are. Why should this man change his car just because the OP is a light sleeper. Astonishing!

RubyWooRed · 08/02/2021 09:13

No you can’t ask him to take a different car.
My DH starts at 5 am some shifts and takes his car ( diesel ) which has a louder engine.

My small car sits on my drive unless I’m out for shopping or visiting etc at the minute.

He takes his car because it’s HIS car and he has all his work paperwork in the boot, also more fuel efficient for long journeys.

If you chapped my door and asked me and my husband to swap cars I’d think you were extremely interfering and weird.

Morning car noise and scraping ice etc is all part of winter mornings in the UK.

LApprentiSorcier · 08/02/2021 09:13

Any idea what his job is. It does not seem to be a job where he could wfh, but worth checking.

I doubt he commutes in at 4:50 in the morning if he has any choice in the matter.

Rhiannon13 · 08/02/2021 09:14

There's not a lot he can do about it other than not go to work, which I'm fairly sure isn't something he'd consider to keep you happy OP? The revvving must be annoying but if it's an older car it might be to stop it stalling while it's warming up (I had a car that needed this in the winter). If it's snowing where you are, maybe he was struggling to get it off the drive?

Please don't ask him to take his wife's car Confused

JoanOfArc8 · 08/02/2021 09:14

I’m squirming stop the thought of you asking NDN to use his wife’s car ConfusedBlush

Please don’t! He’d probably sit doing the same thing anyway.

Can understand it’s annoying, especially if he’s revving the engine, it is very inconsiderate if he does. DH often has to leave very early but tries to be as quiet as possible.

I think the only thing you can ask about is the revving, if it is as you’ve stated, then maybe have a word about that.