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Original poster

Husband has been watching cam girls

137 replies

Mermaid2007 · 07/02/2021 19:42

Hi, I need some advice please. I’m absolutely devastated to find out my husband had been watching / interacting with cam girls. I got into his account and he has sent various messages back and forth, it makes me feel sick. I always had an inkling he was watching porn but this is taking it to another level.
He is not one to talk things through which makes things more difficult but said it was because I continuously knocked him back when he wanted sex which I fully admit I did. I lost interest for a long time with the stresses of work/children etc.
Part of me therefore blames myself and in a way I’m relieved that it was just online and not a real life affair. He has promised wholeheartedly that he has never cheated physically with another woman and I do believe him.
I’m just shocked I guess that he’s not the person I thought he was.
In all other ways he’s fantastic, has always been the most fantastic dad and has always appeared to be besotted with me.
Do I leave him or should I try and forget and take his word that he’ll never use these tacky horrible sites again?

OP posts:
HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 02:57

Eh what? You're essentially blaming the OP for her husband being a creep.

bigbeautwoman · 08/02/2021 03:00

@HitchFlix

Eh what? You're essentially blaming the OP for her husband being a creep.
they are both at fault in my opinion, some of you are being so dramatic! it’s not worth breaking up a marriage for
Imworthit · 08/02/2021 03:08

@tttigress

I don't think you should leave him. I think a lot on the thread saying "dump the bastard" aren't really putting themselves in your shoes.
No some of us have been in her shoes and it gets worse. Ok I was very sexually active with my ex but I’d done something or other else to make him need comfort. Boohoo
HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 03:10

It is IMO. If my husband did this it absolutely would be worth breaking up the marriage as I could never trust him again. But if you don't value trust in a relationship then sure, I can understand how you'd reach such a conclusion. It's about the standards you expect in a relationship, mine are higher than yours. That's fine if you're okay with it. Hopefully the OP has more self respect and can recognize that she deserves better.

HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 03:11

My reply was aimed at bigbeautwoman

Imworthit · 08/02/2021 03:11

@bigbeautwoman

what’s that emoji “Imworthit” mean?
Crying face I feel sad for you. If he was disrespecting me like this no way would I be trying to make him happy
bigbeautwoman · 08/02/2021 03:12

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bigbeautwoman · 08/02/2021 03:14

it’s not about trying to make him happy jesus!!!

Imworthit · 08/02/2021 03:15

@HitchFlix

It is IMO. If my husband did this it absolutely would be worth breaking up the marriage as I could never trust him again. But if you don't value trust in a relationship then sure, I can understand how you'd reach such a conclusion. It's about the standards you expect in a relationship, mine are higher than yours. That's fine if you're okay with it. Hopefully the OP has more self respect and can recognize that she deserves better.
This
HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 03:15

I'm talking to you. Call me names if it makes you feel better. Point is I wouldn't accept this level of disrespect in a relationship. You would. Our standards are different. That's fine if you're okay with it. I wouldn't be.

Imworthit · 08/02/2021 03:16

@bigbeautwoman

it’s not about trying to make him happy jesus!!!
Then explain cause I’m confused?
bigbeautwoman · 08/02/2021 03:18

@HitchFlix

I'm talking to you. Call me names if it makes you feel better. Point is I wouldn't accept this level of disrespect in a relationship. You would. Our standards are different. That's fine if you're okay with it. I wouldn't be.
my partner wouldn’t do this to me anyway, we have a great sex life (I’m a sex worker too so see it from both sides)
HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 03:19

Good for you! Then why should the OP accept it?

bigbeautwoman · 08/02/2021 03:20

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bigbeautwoman · 08/02/2021 03:21

@HitchFlix

Good for you! Then why should the OP accept it?
where did I say she should accept it?
HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 03:25

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Imworthit · 08/02/2021 03:28

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AnitaB888 · 08/02/2021 03:31

I'm sorry you are in this situation, OP.

At the end of the day it's your decision what you do, but consider these points.

You did not 'drive him' to this behaviour, it is not your fault. Him trying to blame you is refusing to take responsibility for his actions, which is concerning.
He seems to have no idea how hard you are working in the relationship and how tired/stressed you are, so delegate some work to him for a start.
He's tried to solve what he perceives as a problem by going behind you back and using family money without your knowledge and consent.
If you were unable to have sex for while because of illness/an operation/looking after a sick relative etc how would he deal with that?

I think you need to have a serious talk to him about this and how he's made you feel, and take it from there.

I would regard this as cheating personally.

bigbeautwoman · 08/02/2021 03:35

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bigbeautwoman · 08/02/2021 03:37

the lack of communication is clearly missing on both sides

HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 03:42

Yes I'm super touchy about a woman who I've never met and a situation that has nothing to do with me Confused I'm simply giving my opinion on an anonymous forum. The outcome is irrelevant to me. I won't lose sleep about it. Your opinion is different to mine. As I said that's okay. There's really no reason to lash out.

bigbeautwoman · 08/02/2021 03:57

@HitchFlix

Yes I'm super touchy about a woman who I've never met and a situation that has nothing to do with me Confused I'm simply giving my opinion on an anonymous forum. The outcome is irrelevant to me. I won't lose sleep about it. Your opinion is different to mine. As I said that's okay. There's really no reason to lash out.
perhaps you need to realise just because someone has a different opinion doesn’t mean they have low standards. Your holier than thou attitude stinks
Jamboree01 · 08/02/2021 04:03

@bigbeautwoman

I’d be pissed off initially but would then take a good hard look about improving our sex life
Really? Lordy. It’s the wife’s fault that the DH is a deceitful, conniving ‘person’?
Jamboree01 · 08/02/2021 04:05

It is not your fault 💐

HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 04:14

perhaps you need to realise just because someone has a different opinion doesn’t mean they have low standards. Your holier than thou attitude stinks

But you admitted your standards are lower. You would accept your husband paying women for sexual services. Those are low standards by anyone's measure. It's not about me being "holier than thou" it's about you accepting lower standards of behaviour.

Married men should not pay women for sexual services. If you believe they should then your standards are low. I'm sorry if that riles you but I imagine 99.9999% of women would be in agreement with me!