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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking what's the fucking point anymore?

257 replies

SapphireSeptember · 07/02/2021 16:01

"You shouldn't say that because you don't know what people are going though!"
Which is what a woman said to me when I asked her to pull up her mask yesterday. Right back at you. How the fuck does she think me and my colleagues feel having to deal with Covidiots like her on a daily basis? (I work in a supermarket.) She had her nose sticking out and kept pulling her mask away from her face, but because she's struggling and trying her best (so am I) that makes it acceptable? She didn't say she was exempt, and honestly if you're wearing a mask wear the damned thing properly! I then overheard her say 'How dare she say that to me?" to one of my colleagues in a really angry voice. I couldn't have been more fucking polite about it if I'd tried!
(I wish I'd said what I was thinking, that I dare because I'm more scared of getting Covid and dying from it than I am of shitty customers, but that might not have helped.)
I'm getting to the stage where I just want to lock myself in my house and refuse to come out until this is all over. I'm having panic attacks, my mental health is shot, and I don't feel like I can do this anymore. I'm also autistic and find certain things hard to cope with. The only reason I go to work is because I work with some lovely people who are keeping me sane at the moment.

Added to that the two women I was working with yesterday were agreeing with her. I spoke to my manager who confirmed I'd done the right thing, and when I told them that they got shirty with me too.

Then there was the fuckwit I dealt with on Friday. Again, I asked him to pull his mask up over his nose. "I don't think so' he said, and pulled one of those sunflower lanyards out of his shirt. Apparently he's exempt because he's autistic, but chooses to wear a mask. (See above, I was also standing next to a colleague of mine who's autistic.) I couldn't quite believe it, either wear one or don't, they don't work if your nose is sticking out, he was with a young woman who was wearing hers properly and another bloke who also had his nose sticking out. (I've noticed in my area it's men who are more likely to want to share their germs with everyone else.)

Then there are the people who walk in without wearing one at all, I was doing my shopping after work and three people, not a mask among them. I asked them if they had masks, the two women pulled theirs out and the bloke said he didn't have one, but of course he didn't bother going to where we keep the spare ones, he just carried on walking along. Twat.

OP posts:
islockdownoveryet · 07/02/2021 16:11

You have my sympathy and I really honestly wouldn’t want to work in retail at the minute. But it sounds like you are having a shit time . The lady you questioned you said she was struggling and trying her best so it’s not necessary to tell her off . She said she was trying her best she was wearing one . And the others were exempt but wearing one , yes I agree not properly but it sounds like they are trying . It looks to me that you are taking you anger and frustration on the wrong people. Question people who aren’t wearing a mask by all means but I’d be pissed off if I pulled my mask away for a 2nd and was told off . Everyone is trying their best .

peboh · 07/02/2021 16:14

@islockdownoveryet

You have my sympathy and I really honestly wouldn’t want to work in retail at the minute. But it sounds like you are having a shit time . The lady you questioned you said she was struggling and trying her best so it’s not necessary to tell her off . She said she was trying her best she was wearing one . And the others were exempt but wearing one , yes I agree not properly but it sounds like they are trying . It looks to me that you are taking you anger and frustration on the wrong people. Question people who aren’t wearing a mask by all means but I’d be pissed off if I pulled my mask away for a 2nd and was told off . Everyone is trying their best .
I agree with all of this!
Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2021 16:15

Life is definitely a struggle for most people right now, but I think you're making things even harder for yourself by confronting these people. It serves no purpose other than making you even more anxious and frustrated. You do what you need to for yourself, but leave these strangers alone.

Ponoka7 · 07/02/2021 16:18

You shouldn't take your anxiety out on other people. Are you vulnerable to Covid? Most who are, have had an appointment for their jab. I've had mine. I think everyone who can should wear a mask. The ones wearing those under their nose are stopping some droplets. If they are exempt but doing their best, fair enough. I could be exempt, but I wear a mask when I can. Sometimes I have to take it down, occasionally. You don't know people's medical history, so you should be sensitive when asking people about their mask.

Thedogscollar · 07/02/2021 16:20

Omg OP I hear you. We have had partners on our ward refusing to wear masks telling us all it's a load of rubbish. I work in maternity and it was prior to this lockdown when the woman could have their partner visit for 2 hours a day.
Total bloody morons but you can't say it to their faces but you can mouth it under your maskGrin

peboh · 07/02/2021 16:20

I will also add that I have asthma, but I choose to wear a mask. However when wearing one, I often have to remove it off my nose for a few seconds as I can suffer panic attacks if I feel like I can't breathe.
Most people are doing the best they can in a god awful situation. Please try and remember that.
I'm sorry you're struggling right now.

RoxanneMonke · 07/02/2021 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Donoteatthekittens · 07/02/2021 16:29

I don’t really think that marks work but I wear one in shops. It gets ripped off as soon as I leave.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/02/2021 16:31

I'm sorry OP.

I'm one of probably many who are increasingly irritated with Covid police, awful busybodies in our own neighbourhood reporting what they perceive as non-compliance with The Rules, schools sending out snotty correspondence, communities and individuals turning against each other. It's all deeply unpleasant.

But what you refer to is a simple courtesy to people who've worked tirelessly in thankless (but immeasurably valuable) occupations. Such courtesies cost nothing to those extending them but can mean a great deal to the recipients in those environments.

Thank you for what you do. YANBU.

GabriellaMontez · 07/02/2021 16:32

Some people try and wear them but have to take them off for a bit. What's so hard to understand about this?

badacorn · 07/02/2021 16:33

YANBU
I feel sorry for anyone whose job involves asking people to wear masks properly.

TruJay · 07/02/2021 16:36

Everyone is totally fed up with this situation. But I don’t agree with the wear one or not if exempt, I am exempt but I wear one as much as possible when shopping. I however don’t wear one while doing the school run, I can barely breathe at the best of times so I’m certainly not wearing one while outdoors! I’m sick to death of the dirty looks I get on the school run 🤷🏼‍♀️
And to be fair, we don’t actually know if masks work, there are hundreds of different ones available, they can’t all work the same.

StepOutOfLine · 07/02/2021 16:38

She'd probably read the eleventy billion posts on here from people yawping on and telling everyone to be abusive towards retail staff etc.

Because from MN it would seem about 90% of the population spends all their lockdown in shops telling people to fuck off while shaking with anger.

Flowers you have my sympathy OP.

MakeWorkYourNewFavourite · 07/02/2021 16:39

Is there any way you can add a layer of extra protection for yourself. Would that make you feel better? Invest in some higher-grade masks and a face shield? In France, all supermarket workers are behind big plastic screens. Is that the same in the UK? I'd do whatever I could to protect myself and just sanitize between customers. I know it's not particularly great advice, but there are always going to be knobbers out there. The only thing you can do is try to arm yourself against them. :-( The more you question them, the longer you've got to be around them. Rush the awkward ones through as quick as you can. Put yourself first.

Ilikewinter · 07/02/2021 16:42

All this "people are trying their best" sentiment is utter crap. If you cant bear to wear a mask correctly whilst in a shop then dont go in...and im not talking about people who are genuinely exempt.
I work in retail and the rules are wear your mask over your mouth and nose, its on the posters, its belted out on the tannoy, the security guard will ask you to wear it before you come in. You are supposed to be in and out as quickly as possible, this means no browsing, no attmept to test the make up, no "im just waiting for my friend so keeping in the warm" and for the love of god you dont need to take your mask off to ask me a question, they arent soundproof.
Yes OP i agree with you.....from a fellow stressed out and had enough shopworker!!

MakeWorkYourNewFavourite · 07/02/2021 16:43

Also, this exemption thing doesn't exist in France either. There are no lanyards. Everyone has to wear a mask as soon as they leave their front door. I don't know what people are playing at in the UK. I might be wrong, but I've not heard of this happening over here at all. The police hang around in supermarket car parks fining people 150 EUR for not wearing one. There's no messing around.
I remember feeling AWFUL when I first had to wear a mask. It was dreadfully suffocating, but a year later and I'm used to it.

Puddington · 07/02/2021 16:46

Because from MN it would seem about 90% of the population spends all their lockdown in shops telling people to fuck off while shaking with anger.

I've noticed this too tbh, have been horrified by some of what I've read people saying to retail staff on here (I recognise the majority of people are polite and NOT total assholes, but some of the threads I've seen... whew). You have my every sympathy OP, I'm currently moving house and so was able to quit my retail job a couple of weeks ago and frankly that came just in time, I was absolutely beyond depressed and anxious with how the public had been treating us through the pandemic, I couldn't sleep at night and felt physically ill when I would get close to the building.

Babyroobs · 07/02/2021 16:47

I agree. I'm so fed up with people wearing their masks like this and just generally getting right up close in supermarkets. I was in the queue today and an elderly woman was just right up behind me. Also just passed a man in the street clearing his nostrils into the gutter ( seems to be normal for people of a certain culture ), just disgusting, I just wanted to shout at him. Surely people know by now that these things are not acceptable.

Donoteatthekittens · 07/02/2021 16:52

A cotton home made mask is unlikely to do much but it makes people feel “safe.” Hence why Germany isn’t allowing them on public transport. www.thelocal.de/20210120/what-you-should-know-about-germanys-new-mask-rules-for-public-transport-and-shops

In the USA, they are now saying you should be double or triple masking! www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.usatoday.com/amp/4371848001

I’ll just keep on wearing my surgical mask that I keep in my coat pocket for shops etc.

Sealifeescape · 07/02/2021 16:55

I'm getting to the stage where I just want to lock myself in my house and refuse to come out until this is all over. I'm having panic attacks, my mental health is shot, and I don't feel like I can do this anymore.

In that case I would stay off mumsnet and all the over the top panicky threads. Yes we are in the middle of an awful pandemic but mumsnet would have you believe all of us are about to drop down tomorrow with covid despite 99% of people actually fighting it off as a mild illness. If youre CEV then you should have work based risk assessment in place otherwise I would just try your best to live your daily life and not spend your life worrying.

Sealifeescape · 07/02/2021 16:57

@Donoteatthekittens

A cotton home made mask is unlikely to do much but it makes people feel “safe.” Hence why Germany isn’t allowing them on public transport. www.thelocal.de/20210120/what-you-should-know-about-germanys-new-mask-rules-for-public-transport-and-shops

In the USA, they are now saying you should be double or triple masking! www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.usatoday.com/amp/4371848001

I’ll just keep on wearing my surgical mask that I keep in my coat pocket for shops etc.

No the press in these countries are saying these things. This isnt the law. Just as our press says lots of things and on here all this ‘keeping in the spirit’ of lockdown despite things being within guidelines.
Goldieloxx · 07/02/2021 16:58

I really don't understand why supermarkets let people in without a mask, they can afford to lose the custom. In other countries they are really strict on this, no mask no entry. I doubt there are many people with genuine exemptions who can't just get someone else to do their shopping. I really sympathise with supermarket staff, it's your workplace and you deserve to be safe.

crimsonlake · 07/02/2021 17:00

These people who cannot wear a mask properly when in the supermarket for a short time drives me mad. Thankfully I manage to not to visit them frequently.
However I have had to wear a mask in work for months now and I am at the stage I do not think I can bear it any longer. My skin is becoming a mess, my face gets sweaty and my job involves talking to people all day. I could honestly scream.

LolaSmiles · 07/02/2021 17:00

YANBU OP.
Some people think all things common sense are for other people.
You only have to be on here for 5 minutes to read about the number of people who think being asked about having a date to the supermarket, or to keep their distance, or to wear a mask is so unreasonable that it warrants a hilariously emotive post about how nobody understands their struggles and they can't leave the house without being screamed at on a regular basis.

There's a lot of screaming at, yelling at, someone got right in my face, paralysed with fear on here.

I don't know how supermarket staff bite their tongue when they have to deal with idiots all day.

Donoteatthekittens · 07/02/2021 17:01

It is the law in Germany. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bloomberg.com/amp/news/articles/2021-01-20/germany-toughens-mask-rules-in-hopes-of-slowing-virus-spread

“Chancellor Angela Merkel announced the measures alongside new curbs late Tuesday, mandating that people wear surgical masks or higher-specification N95 or FFP-2 devices rather than simply donning cloth face coverings.”