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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help me pleaseeee

107 replies

Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 13:38

No one ever replies on other thread so sorry have to use this board

So my DD is 19months and is constantly waking through the night ! It's getting so difficult I'm sleep deprived and it's mentally affecting me.

When it's bedtime I lay next to her cot and it can take up to 40mins for her to fall asleep. If I even move an inch away from her cot she gets up an starts crying an wants me to either sit or lay next to her cot. That's draining enough. She eventually falls asleep on her own. During the night she will wake up an stand in her cot shouting "mummy mummy" an I have to lay her back down an tap her. Some nights this works an she falls back to sleep but some nights as soon as I stop tapping her she will wake an shout an won't lay back down.

She has one nap a day which is usually around 12-1ish for 2 hours. She has 3 meals a day an 2 bottles one in morning and one before bed.

I don't know what to do anymore ! Someone please advise??

OP posts:
Bearnecessity · 07/02/2021 14:18

I personally do not think you need to be laying next to her. I would be doing 'controlled crying', this would have been easier when she was younger. Put her to bed shut the door and leave her to cry it out....if she is still at it half an hour later, go in reassure her for two mins shut door and leave for 30 mins and repeat.....every night until you have established and taken back control of the sleep routine.

Right I am off to put my tin hat on and wait to be blasted by other posters...now this is a right contentious subject and probably the reason you have had no replies thus far. I did not want to read and run.

monkeysox · 07/02/2021 14:20

Weetabix for supper and extra blanket. Worth a try

MaMaD1990 · 07/02/2021 14:25

@Bearnecessity your tin hat comment made me laugh! I do a timed controlled crying with my daughter and its worked a treat. We let her cry for 2 mins, go in and put her back down with no talking and leave. Wait 4 mins the next time and then repeat. You double the time you wait each time (2, 4, 8, 16 mins etc) until she's asleep. Within 3 nights, mine had got the hint that mummy wasn't up for playing games and it was night time so time to sleep. Its hard but it sounds like she's having a little tantrum because she wants you there all the time, which obviously isn't doable - you also sound at the end of your tether (quite rightly) and need some rest!

Wotapolava · 07/02/2021 14:28

I never had this problem with mine. I do sympathise.
Before bed, could bath her and play throw the sponge or flannel ( my son loved it and laugh hysterically at me getting soaked) and then tire her out by playing hide and seek or letting her jump around approx hour before bed.

Depending on what time she goes to bed, make sure she doesn't go hungry without you realising.

Somebody said weetabix. I agree.

Good luck!

DinosaurDiana · 07/02/2021 14:30

What time do you put her to bed ?
Stop her napping.

Hailtomyteeth · 07/02/2021 14:31

Sleep next to your baby and stop making a fuss. Honestly, she's right.

Cornetttttto · 07/02/2021 14:33

Silly Dinosaur, the toddler doesn't need to stop napping.

Your child has you where they want you. You've unwittingly made yourself the star of the bedtime show and believe me, I did it too until my husband said 'You're a grown woman, get off the floor, stop humming lullabies and let him get to sleep!" He cried on and off for the first few days but he now settles without tears.

MaMaD1990 · 07/02/2021 14:36

Please don't stop your baby from napping - it will get even worse if you do this!

confusedbeyond · 07/02/2021 14:49

My Nan used to say "the more they sleep the more they need sleep" it was true for my kids. Let her nap.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 07/02/2021 14:54

Oh god don't listen to the ridiculous suggestion to stop naps. You'll end up with an overtired toddler which is even worse than a bedtime shenanigans toddler.

Ileflottante · 07/02/2021 14:56

“Sleep next to your baby and stop making a fuss.”

I knew MN was insanely big on co-sleeping but is this really good advice?!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 07/02/2021 14:57

I'm with Bearnecessity and the other controlled crying advocates.

Ileflottante · 07/02/2021 15:00

I’d do controlled crying too with the timed intervals. 🤷🏼‍♀️

AntiHop · 07/02/2021 15:07

I'd bring her into your bed at night. She's so little and she wants to be close to you. If she is sleeping better at night, she might fall asleep at bed time more easily.

Pbbananabagel · 07/02/2021 15:11

Have you tried white noise of some kind? We use an app called ‘Rain Rain’ for our nearly 19 month old.

Original poster
Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 15:12

I have tried controlled crying previously and it was a complete disaster. She was crying hysterically soon as I left the room and within 2mins she puked up. I found it so difficult. I tried again and the same happened.

For example last night when she woke up around 12am stood up in cot shouting mummy I was just so drained I left her to cry an literally within like 3 mins of crying she was making the puking noise as if she was about to throw up.

I just don't know how to handle it anymore I have tried so many things. The Ferber method with the gentle pulling back an again as soon as she realises I'm moving away or going out the room she goes hysterical!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 15:13

@MaMaD1990 what age did you try this method with your little one?

OP posts:
Fifthtimelucky · 07/02/2021 15:30

I'm with the controlled crying brigade.

I did it when my daughter was 18 months and it took one night (that night was awful and we were stealing ourselves for a couple of others just like it, but the second and subsequent nights she just slept through).

It transformed my life, not least because I became pregnant almost immediately. I had been trying to get pregnant again but I think my body was too tired as it wasn't getting enough sleep.

Original poster
Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 15:41

@Fifthtimelucky How often did you go into the room? Was your 18month old hysterically crying or just normal tantrum cry. I'm so worried to try it again

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 07/02/2021 15:45

I would just take her in my bed. Surely getting a sleep is more important for everyone?

ShirleyPhallus · 07/02/2021 15:48

Another vote for controlled crying. It will be pretty awful for that first night but you’ve basically shown her that you’re up for playing a fun game in the middle of the night

greeneyedlulu · 07/02/2021 15:59

I agree with controlled crying to get her settled, just brave it out! It's hard but you can do it! Good luck x

mattymoo55 · 07/02/2021 16:03

I used a sleep trainer and didn’t use controlled crying-for example she would teach you to move further and further away from the cot in small intervals at your own pace. So could be worth trying a sleep trainer and saying you don’t want to do controlled crying.

MaMaD1990 · 07/02/2021 16:07

@Daisyflower12345 I did it fairly young with mine and I last did it when she was around 18 months. The crying does ramp up for the first few minutes and it sounded like she was going to vomit but it was just the crying. To be honest, you have to have nerves of steel and its awful to listen to but she will learn. One thing I was happy to read was that its not that she's upset because something is ohysically wrong, she more angry that I've not given into her, if that makes sense? The key is to be consistent so it needs to be done every night until she gets it.

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 07/02/2021 16:08

@Hailtomyteeth

Sleep next to your baby and stop making a fuss. Honestly, she's right.
Jesus Christ. The OP is asking for help so she doesn't have to do that.
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