Help me pleaseeee

[Daisyflower12345]

No one ever replies on other thread so sorry have to use this board

So my DD is 19months and is constantly waking through the night ! It's getting so difficult I'm sleep deprived and it's mentally affecting me.

When it's bedtime I lay next to her cot and it can take up to 40mins for her to fall asleep. If I even move an inch away from her cot she gets up an starts crying an wants me to either sit or lay next to her cot. That's draining enough. She eventually falls asleep on her own. During the night she will wake up an stand in her cot shouting "mummy mummy" an I have to lay her back down an tap her. Some nights this works an she falls back to sleep but some nights as soon as I stop tapping her she will wake an shout an won't lay back down.

She has one nap a day which is usually around 12-1ish for 2 hours. She has 3 meals a day an 2 bottles one in morning and one before bed.

I don't know what to do anymore ! Someone please advise??

I would have said that there are children who don't respond to controlled crying until I saw an episode of a programme called "The Three Day Nanny" yesterday on W channel on the telly.
She went into a family where there were twin boys and one of the twins was a crier. He sobbed. He screeched crying and bed times were the worst.
The parents used to talk to their children when they were putting them back to bed and rub Vicks on their chest and so on so the boys knew they could keep pushing and pushing their parents until the parents caved in.
The nanny put tinfoil on the boys bedroom windows to block out all of the light at night/early morning (they used to wake up at 5:30am), installed a stair gate so they didn't fall down the stairs if they got out of their bed to go to the toilet (the kids I mean) and she got the parents and the boys to adopt a new bedtime routine. One of the things she removed from the room of these kids was a musical snow globe. It stimulated these boys and got them too excited to sleep.

Tell your DD ahead of time what the new plan is and stick to it. No talking when settling the child after putting them to bed. Keep going in but don't talk while you're doing it.

If you wanted to, you could leave the door to the room ajar and sit at the top landing or stairs reading a book. Tell your DD this is what is going to happen. (You probably wont get much reading done at least for the first few nights). If she cries out, go in, put her back down to sleep and leave. Make the gaps between the crying out and you going in longer. Don't make a 'fun' experience for your DD by getting her all excited and talking to her and plumping up her pillows or duvet or whatever.
I'd also make the room a little cooler and provide an extra blanket or a heavier tog duvet. If you can, try and watch a few episodes of this Three Day Nanny programme. You will get your evenings back and your DD will learn to sleep without you being by her side every night.

@LookItsMeAgain

So I tried CC with my son once.

He got so worked up in under 5 minutes that he was sick everywhere.

Please, on what planet, do you think that is acceptable?

Because by implying it'll work with every child, you're essentially saying that a child reacting like that is fine, as long as they go to sleep

[quote mouldyhouse101]@LookItsMeAgain

So I tried CC with my son once.

He got so worked up in under 5 minutes that he was sick everywhere.

Please, on what planet, do you think that is acceptable?

Because by implying it'll work with every child, you're essentially saying that a child reacting like that is fine, as long as they go to sleep [/quote]
Agreed! Why and how can anyone sleep themselves knowing their child has screamed for them, for a cuddle and to be soothed, and they’ve ignored them. I completely understand that exhaustion drives some people to this decision, but by choosing this you are also adding guilt and sadness to this exhaustion.

Like above I’d recommend looking into cosleeping or just putting LO off to sleep in your own bed first with cuddles and some white noise. Pushing your child to be independent, and pushing and pushing, will just ultimately make them crave you and want to be near you. Children become independent when they feel safe and secure in their surroundings, enough to do things by themselves. I’m sorry you feel down and out by this, it will get better but I would seriously consider some more attachment methods and not just laying next to her bed.

My son was sick the one time I tried cc. I told my health visitor, she said to throw a towel over the sick and let him cry. I dont think I asked her anything again. I wouldn't leave a dog in a bed covered in sick never mind my son.

CC does work for some kids but not them all. You must do what's right for your family.

Ds now sleeps perfectly, but he is 21

And when he eventually stopped sleeping in with me I missed him

I'm another one that can't do cc, so I totally understand how you feel. I've always been more of an attachment parenting type, even before it was a thing!

My dc are 31, 29, 14 and 9. As tiny babies they were in bed with me, probably up until 2 or 3. The only one that was hard work was my youngest, and he had another issue. Sleep apnea since he was born.

Which brings me to my other point. Does she snore or snort at all when she's asleep? Just a check to make sure she's not having a similar issue and jerking herself awake.

Imo, you just need to do what you need to do to get through this. If you don't want her in your bed, how about a toddler bed and gate on the door to keep her safe. If you don't want her in your bed, then get an armchair or something for yourself so that at least you can nap there!

I got through to 13 months with my DD waking every hour and then felt that I was going to loose my mind if I didn't sort it out. In the end (with advice from a sleep therapist) we sorted it out in 3 days and she has been a great sleeper ever since. Sleep deprivation ruins your life. I realised that I couldn't remember anything of the first year of DD's life because of sleep deprivation, I also didn't mother my older DS as I should have because I was so exhausted all the time. Anyway, the sleep therapist told me to never be with DD at the point she fell asleep (I had been feeding her to sleep). So when DD woke and cried, I would leave her for a bit, if she sounded really upset I would go in and sooth her, I might even pick her up and cuddle her, but then she had to go down in the cot again and I had to be out of the room before she fell alseep in my arms. Repeat for 3 nights and she stopped waking. Changed my life for the better . . . . I couldn't believe I'd let it go on for so long when the solution seemed to be fairly simple and not as brutal as pure 'cry it out'. I really hope you crack it.