Help me pleaseeee

[Daisyflower12345]

No one ever replies on other thread so sorry have to use this board

So my DD is 19months and is constantly waking through the night ! It's getting so difficult I'm sleep deprived and it's mentally affecting me.

When it's bedtime I lay next to her cot and it can take up to 40mins for her to fall asleep. If I even move an inch away from her cot she gets up an starts crying an wants me to either sit or lay next to her cot. That's draining enough. She eventually falls asleep on her own. During the night she will wake up an stand in her cot shouting "mummy mummy" an I have to lay her back down an tap her. Some nights this works an she falls back to sleep but some nights as soon as I stop tapping her she will wake an shout an won't lay back down.

She has one nap a day which is usually around 12-1ish for 2 hours. She has 3 meals a day an 2 bottles one in morning and one before bed.

I don't know what to do anymore ! Someone please advise??

What time do you put her to bed?

@Daisyflower12345 it's a clock thing that stays blue when it's nighttime and then you set a time when it turns yellow
And I told my 5 year old he has to stay in his room until it's yellow
I'm not sure if it would would with a younger child?

And oh god I just don't know what to do!
We tried my partner going in but she screamed and got really upset
I think I need to focus on her falling asleep without me first! So think I will try the whole 'I'm just going for a wee' until she cries then repeat and repeat
Because I'm hoping once she can fall asleep on her own it will make the next step easier!

It's hard because if she's crying it wakes my 5 year old up evebtho they are in separate rooms 🙈 nightmare

What are you ganna try?

It's ganna be rough but I honestly don't even recognise myself in the mirror anymore because I'm just a shell from lack of sleep so something has to change ...

I going to go against everyone saying not to stop her nap during day and sugest you shorten it to no more than half an hour..i did this with ds and it worked...what sleep he needed he got throughout the night...i also had him spoilt (holding his hand to get him over to sleep)...i eventually got there but it will take time....try a cooler room and a lavender plug in....also i made.a big thing of teddies needing their sleep...i now have to tuck them in but at least i get peace when i leave the room

@oohmama yeh thag won't work for my DD yet but sounds like a good idea an would probably like to use when she's older and understands.

My DD is the same whenever my DH tries to settle her at night she gets more upset an screams so he gives up an comes back into bed. I have no idea what method to try either. I guess it depends on how bad she cries. If she is too hysterical when I leave the room I won't be able to go through with the CC. To be honest Iv come quite far with her lol as she used to be rocked to sleep then I tried the Ferber method of slowly retreating contact etc. Then I used to lay her down an tap her to sleep. Now finally after months I don't have to touch her at all an just lay next to her. Only problem is she does not let me move from the bloody cot. 🤦‍♀️

@boredwiththeoldname she goes to bed at 7.30pm

@CantBeAssed yeah I will most definitely NOT be stopping her naps don't worry lol I need her to nap for my own sanity too😂😂

But I do agree with you about maybe shortening her naps that could be one of the reasons she isn't sleeping through as she naps quite long if I'm totally honest. For example today she slep from 12.30pm and woke up just before 3pm

Jumping on the thread as I’m having similar issues - those of u that co slept - how did u transition to their own bed ??

I co-slept and used a dummy. My daughter slept through the night from a few months old. I'm still a firm believer in the dummy and co-sleeping.

At the age of 3 we moved to a new place and my daughter got a lovely big room with pink walls. She loved the room and transitioned perfectly to sleeping on her own.

@Ickiness

Jumping on the thread as I’m having similar issues - those of u that co slept - how did u transition to their own bed ??

We transitioned by using a floor bed at first, so I would stay next to DS and then just 'roll away' off the bed so it didn't disturb him too much. And then I would have a shower in the en suite next door so he could hear me as he fell asleep but I wasn't present in the room, and then just gradually left for longer periods of time

@Ickiness

Jumping on the thread as I’m having similar issues - those of u that co slept - how did u transition to their own bed ??

Floor bed. I'd bedshared on a mattress with my baby so him transitioning to a floor bed was simple. I would lay next to it a few times to keep him company and then gradually withdrew so now I stay with him for maybe 4 minutes before leaving. No tears. Bed made by taking an IKEA junior bed, chopping its legs off and well... sorted.

Babies do not have the developmental part of their brain to self sooth or regulate emotional.
It is damaging and distressing.
She doesn't sound tired.
Get her out of the cot.
Play with her and do anything else except put her to bed until she displays queues that she's tired. Nurse her to sleep once she displays signs of looking tired.
Keep her in bed with you until she chooses she's ready to return.
Listen to her, she'll tell you when she's tired and it may not be. Until hours after you expect.

I'm currently doing gradual retreat with my 10 month old. I posted on here asking advice about it and someone recommended the him teach your child to sleep. It might be worth looking at? It's got lots of info though the main 2 strategies are gradual retreat and CC. There's also a thread called something like " we tried this. Hope it helps" where lots of people shared their experiences of gradual retreat. It gave me the strength to do it finally. Might be worth a look?

"Actually, OP, the human race has probably been doing versions of CC for all eternity such is the need for sleep."

More accurately, the human race has been cosleeping and utilising a village of other humans to help with child rearing for all eternity. Look at other primates and how they sleep. Until relatively recently in human history, we didn't sleep all of our sleep in one chunk.

Sleeping with a caregiver is biologically normal. Crying to sleep is not.

My 18 month old ended up in bed with me every night so we've just moved her into a single bed. I end up sleeping in there for most of the night and the hope is to gradually get her used to being in there on her own. I couldn't have done any sort of crying so can't offer advice on that sorry, but I believe it's just their biological norm to need to know mum is close and mum will respond to their needs.

DS2 wouldn't sleep without me, and did the same as your DD - he would scream until he made himself sick, and wouldn't be settled by DH. I had tried gradual withdrawal too but to no effect, so dh invented his own method.

DH started on a Friday night (so that he could sleep the next day) and put a matress in with ds. When ds awoke, he kept the light out, said "Mummys asleep. It's dark. It's sleep time now." He lay down beside ds2 and pretended to go to sleep, repeating that phrase every 30 seconds or so.

DS2 screamed for a loooong time. We knew that he wasn't ill as dh was with him. We knew that he was safe, but he still managed to scream for 5 hours+, with dh repeating his phrase on and off!!

The next night he cried for 20 minutes. The third night he whimpered once, and then all you had to do thereafter was repeat "It's dark. It's sleep time" and he snuggled down.

That first night was one of the longest of my life. We could only do it as dh was in there, to reassure me that ds wasn't vomiting. If he did, dh said he would clean him up and then go back to reassuring him. I honestly couldn't have done it for a second night but luckily we didn't need to.

The advantage of sleep training when they are older is that you have language on your side. At 19 months, you could start to build up by using the phrase "Sleep time" every time your dd is going to sleep. See if you can establish the word as a trigger that she recognises, and then get dh to take over.

Best of luck. It really does change your life when they sleep through.

Controlled crying. If she goes very hysterical/tantrums do a gradual retreat method - start by cot and move away etc.

Because you have stayed by her while she falls asleep for 19m, you have reinforced her view that she needs you there to fall asleep. She will almost certainly initially cry quite a bit about any change you impose.

Don't drop the nap it will make it worse.

I believe it's just their biological norm to need to know mum is close and mum will respond to their needs.

I respond to all my toddlers needs. I don't respond to all her wants.

She has a hell of a tantrum if I won't give her cake, too, unsurprisingly I dont give in on that either.

OP my daughter slept 2.5 hrs nap today too (nearly 18m old). It doesnt stop her sleeping through.

It could be a factor for you if she had perfect sleep habits but it sounds quite clear why your daughter wakes.

Babies do not have the developmental part of their brain to self sooth or regulate emotional

19m old toddlers do though. Lots cuddle teddies and blankets, suck their thumb, rub silky ribbons etc, or have favourite pillows etc.

I would argue that learning to self soothe and regulate your emotions is important developmentally, it's a cornerstone of resilience in adulthood. Lots of toddlers snuggle down happily in their cots at bedtime, mine never cries at bedtime unless she is poorly.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I believe it's just their biological norm to need to know mum is close and mum will respond to their needs.

I respond to all my toddlers needs. I don't respond to all her wants.

She has a hell of a tantrum if I won't give her cake, too, unsurprisingly I dont give in on that either.

But you don't know for definite whether your child requiring you to fall asleep is a need or a want

Must admit I never had a problem with my ds, he went down from 8 weeks and slept through til 6.30 every day. I did three days of minor CC combined with a strong routine of sleep signalling. Mind you I had the advice of my mother (Tribe of Yorkshire) who had, had four well-balanced, happy,stable committed sleepers of her own. My ds now 18 is still very much a committed sleeper...

Good luck Op ....let us know how it goes.

But you don't know for definite whether your child requiring you to fall asleep is a need or a want

She's my kid, I'm pretty good at knowing

A found a book called the No Cry Sleep Solution helpful. Remember this will pass

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

But you don't know for definite whether your child requiring you to fall asleep is a need or a want

She's my kid, I'm pretty good at knowing

Unless you have magical powers, you cannot be sure

This is the baby sleep whisperer, she is brilliant. www.facebook.com/mamaboosleepsolutions