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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help me pleaseeee

107 replies

Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 13:38

No one ever replies on other thread so sorry have to use this board

So my DD is 19months and is constantly waking through the night ! It's getting so difficult I'm sleep deprived and it's mentally affecting me.

When it's bedtime I lay next to her cot and it can take up to 40mins for her to fall asleep. If I even move an inch away from her cot she gets up an starts crying an wants me to either sit or lay next to her cot. That's draining enough. She eventually falls asleep on her own. During the night she will wake up an stand in her cot shouting "mummy mummy" an I have to lay her back down an tap her. Some nights this works an she falls back to sleep but some nights as soon as I stop tapping her she will wake an shout an won't lay back down.

She has one nap a day which is usually around 12-1ish for 2 hours. She has 3 meals a day an 2 bottles one in morning and one before bed.

I don't know what to do anymore ! Someone please advise??

OP posts:
Fifthtimelucky · 07/02/2021 16:10

@Daisyflower12345 I went in every time she cried.

To be honest the details are a bit vague (it's over 20 years ago) but my recollection is that I went in for a minute or so each time - just to reassure her with a gentle word and stroke. No light on. No picking her up. No milk. Then left her for about 5 minutes and went in again if she was still crying. And repeated many times!

I wouldn't say she was hysterical - but neither was it like a tantrum. Just horrible very unhappy crying.

dancemom · 07/02/2021 16:11

You have never taught her to fall asleep without you so how do you expect her to know how to do it?

If you can't face controlled crying look up the baby whisperer methods but if you keep lying next to her while she falls asleep she's never going to learn

3JsMa · 07/02/2021 16:14

I tried CC with my first and I promised myself never again.
I co-slept with the rest of my 4 and it saved my sanity and their sleep.
I know it's not for every one but if child is clearly craving to be close to you then it's probably best solution for a time being.

PurpleFlower1983 · 07/02/2021 16:26

Watching with interest as my similar age DD has got into the habit of falling asleep on me when he sleep went to pot when she was around 14 months old. I never did anything about it and now have an almost 2 year old who won’t settle in her cot. May try the method lots of you have suggested tonight.

mayandjuniper · 07/02/2021 16:32

Do you have a DP? Send him in to comfort her during night wake ups. Once she's disassociated you with falling asleep she may not wake up so much. Worked for us.

MatildaTheCat · 07/02/2021 16:50

Maybe try giving her her last feed a bit earlier to allow it to digest before trying the CC, it might stop the vomiting. I think that’s such an emotive situation, how can you turn away from a child who has vomited (clearly after cleaning up)? So trying to avoid that makes sense.

It’s interesting how different this thread is from another poster who mistakenly called CC ‘crying it out’. Even after she’d clarified she was doing CC she was ripped to pieces.

Actually, OP, the human race has probably been doing versions of CC for all eternity such is the need for sleep.

Justgorgeous · 07/02/2021 16:56

I’m another one for popping her next to you. I never did this with my eldest children and I did CC and it was horrendous. They do grow out of it. I’m an older mum. I’m 50 this year and I must admit I just need to sleep. My DD is 5 and comes in most nights.

Original poster
Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 16:58

I think I do need to try the CC again but I just know how it's going to end up. Her hysterically crying and puking up an then me feeling like a shitty mum and evil.

I have tried the Ferber method of slowly retreating but that also results in the exact same thing.

I will have to try an be strong tonight and as suggested give her last dinner earlier and also give her milk abit earlier too so that way she doesn't vomit fingers crossed and then see how we get on!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 17:00

@Justgorgeous when you say grow out of it? At what age does that usually happen lol I was really hoping she would of stoped this a while ago as I know she is capable of falling asleep on her own

OP posts:
Justgorgeous · 07/02/2021 17:10

Hi, sorry I meant grow out of wanting to sleep with you. But I totally understand that’s personal choice and my husband wasn’t happy about it but I was honestly so shattered and she slept so well and till 7am. I did try the chair routine where you keep putting the chair further back from the room and I remember that was useful. It’s so hard and I do sympathise, I just have given in this time and know that soon she will stop coming in. Sorry I have not been very helpful but sleep is so important for you too.

oohmama · 07/02/2021 17:17

Well I had to do a form of controlled crying and had to invest in a gro clock for my.......5 and a half year old
So yeah the whole growing out of it thing can take a long time..... luckily it only took a few nights!

My 2.5 year old is my next issue to tackle
Because I end up in her bed every night and I'm just so exhausted I am not coping

And the worst thing is.. I know it's all my fault
But I just did what I had to at the time to survive (co sleeping, sleeping on the floor etc)

I haven't had a full nights sleep since the day my eldest was born and it needs to change
I can't wait another 3 years

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 07/02/2021 17:18

We tried controlled crying for one night, we all ended up upset and overtired.

Honestly, we just suckled it up that DD was too little to go to sleep by herself. We took turns to sit with her at night until she was old enough to understand "mummy is just popping to the loo, I'll be back in 2 minutes." That got her used to us leaving the room. She's now almost 8 and goes to sleep beautifully.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 07/02/2021 17:19

*sucked it up.

The change of attitude from trying to leave DD to accepting that whoever was on bedtime was in there until she fell asleep actually helped get her to sleep quicker cos we weren't dealing with upset of us leaving the room.

Original poster
Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 17:19

@Justgorgeous Sorry I didn't mean to ask in that way I meant generally what age do toddlers usually grow out of it. So apologies if it came across in a wrong way.

Thank you I know it sometimes is a lot easier with her in the bed with us but then sometimes when she's in the bed she wants to play etc an tries to have conversations lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 17:22

@oohmama what's a gro clock?

Also what method are u thinking of doing with he 2.5 year old? Is it where your coming in every few mins to settle an calm down etc?

OP posts:
CatRatSplat · 07/02/2021 17:24

CclC is not for everyone, I couldn't do it, but I found the gradual retreat method worked really well. Takes time to get there, feels more gentle and it saved me from my own tears!

CatRatSplat · 07/02/2021 17:26

Gro clocks are alarm clocks that light up at the right time. Problem I found with them was when DC wanted/needed a lay in and didn't need to be up the clock would wake them up 🤔

lydia2021 · 07/02/2021 17:31

I must be an oddity, I breastfed, and when I put her to bed. I said if you wake in the night and need ne, then come and find me in next bedroom. She had a bed, not a cot from 1years old, as she was so tall. I followed the idea of supply and demand. And also, had read of tribes in parts of the world whereby kids were in beds with parents until up to 14. Researchers found the kids were very stable and happy. I drew the line at 14, and my girl was in her own bed all night from 2 and a.half. Like I said, I must have been an oddity.lol

Justgorgeous · 07/02/2021 17:34

@Daisyflower12345 I think there is a lot written about sleep regression and children of your daughter’s age. It could just be a difficult stage and I remember it was like this for my daughter between 18 months and 2 years and yes even when she was in our bed she would chat and be awake for 2 hours at a time. There is a sleep regression at 18 months that can last a while.

nanbread · 07/02/2021 17:38

Personally I would co sleep. It won't be forever. I coslept (not through choice) with mine till he was about 2.5 / 3 and he sleeps pretty well now age 4, in his own room all night etc, and has for a while. Controlled crying didn't work for him at all, it transpired he is neurodiverse which may be why.

Original poster
Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 17:39

@Justgorgeous ohhh yes I remember reading about sleep regression I actually totally forgot about that. Your right she could be going through that.

It's all of a sudden the past few days where she has been waking a lot more than she normally would. I remember when she went through 12 month sleep regression and she would be awake hours on end just playing etc.

Normally she wakes once or twice in the night an just need to be laid back down in her cot but even then I want that to stop and for her to be able to settle herself

OP posts:
mouldyhouse101 · 07/02/2021 17:44

DS was exactly like this

Started sleeping through at 2.5

Some kids just don't sleep

mouldyhouse101 · 07/02/2021 17:44

@lydia2021

I must be an oddity, I breastfed, and when I put her to bed. I said if you wake in the night and need ne, then come and find me in next bedroom. She had a bed, not a cot from 1years old, as she was so tall. I followed the idea of supply and demand. And also, had read of tribes in parts of the world whereby kids were in beds with parents until up to 14. Researchers found the kids were very stable and happy. I drew the line at 14, and my girl was in her own bed all night from 2 and a.half. Like I said, I must have been an oddity.lol
Totally agree with this!
nicknamehelp · 07/02/2021 17:53

Are you sure she's warm enough?Ds at this age kept waking up till we realised how cold he was another blanket and he slept much better.

Original poster
Daisyflower12345 · 07/02/2021 17:59

@nicknamehelp the bedroom is pretty warm to be honest I always keep it extra warm. But can always give it a try an pop in a extra blanket an see how it goes

OP posts:
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