What would happen to my partners money if he dies and we weren't married?

[grannyinapram]

Not a huge amount but we are saving for a house so he has a couple of thousand in his account and I have the same in mine.
We have dc and have lived together since being teens.
But getting married is a hard one because althoufh we are enganged, we don't want to get married yet. The 'wedding' isn't happening until after we buy the house anyway because we don't want to waste money on a crappy affair when we are renting.
Priorities and all that. Covid has pushed both further out of our reach.

I was just reading the will thread where the husband won't write one and it made me wonder what will happen to our money if we died?
We aren't even 30 yet so it seems a little presumptuous to write a will, however DH (not yet lol) has a fairly dangerous job so I'm always worried of the 'what ifs'

I was under the impression that when he died I could just go on his phone and put all the money in my bank and close the account, and vice versa. However I'm not sure now. is that legal? would anyone else have a claim? does it go to our kids? no idea.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

I also know someone whose dp died.the family cleared the flat,arranged the funeral and airbrushed the partner out the picture. The deceased was portrayed as a single lad in the city.Deceased was in fact in a monogamous long term same sex relationship, and that was unacknowledged. His partner was referred to as good friend only by the family

There was an awful lot of this that went on before the extension of marriage rights/ civil unions.

@SpiceRat

While I do agree with those saying get married, I’d certainly be making alternative provisions first. People may be forgetting weddings are not taking place. You’ll need to post notice first (after lockdown when legal weddings are allowed to take place) but the wedding rooms in registry offices will be absolutely rammed. All the weddings that were supposed to happen during lockdown will take priority over new bookings so you could be waiting months and months after lockdown is lifted (and we could be waiting months for that to happen too). I was supposed to get married during first lockdown. Obviously the legal wedding wasn’t able to take place which was in the registry office. Our notice lasted until September 2019 so a fairly decent gap between lockdown lifting, and weren’t able to even be booked in for a reschedule until after our notice expired. Obliviously this will vary county to county but it’s not unreasonable to think this will be a problem everywhere. So while you’re deciding on what to do with regards to a legal marriage I would certainly look at life insurance and other provisions if your worried as it could be 6+ months even for a basic legal wedding.

I got married last year (had to cancel the big wedding for just the basic microwedding) and Im still in all the wedding planning groups most people due to get married before may are posting that they have postponed until 2022 (and some until 2023) right now, even when lockdown lifts there will be plenty of cancellations gaps to fill.

@Quartz2208

OP wills are not just about money - as myself and many PP said it is just as much as Guardianship for you children. If you have a will they can automatically go to the care of whoever you have said. If it isnt in writing Social Services would get involved and they would be in care for at least a night or two (it happened sadly to children I know)

Marriage is far more than a religious thing (that is why civil partnership now exists) and has massive legal and financial implications

This simply isn't true.

You cannot will your children. It is not automatic. It does, however, show your preference in the event of a dispute and any SS or court involvement. It does not give automatic rights to anyone.

No if there’s no will then legally the money is not yours. I mean it should be of course but it doesn’t work like that. If he didn’t have a will I’m sure there’s some kind of legal route you could take to prove that you were co-habiting.

Writing a will is the best thing. I think if there’s no will it goes to the children but kept until they are adults. We have written wills. We’ve been together 10 years and not married. The house we live in is all in dp’s name as he bought the house when we had only been together a couple months. Then I moved in a couple years Later after moving out my rented place. In the will the house will be mine then obviously it’ll be DC’s one day. There’s not much actual money to leave here to be honest 🤣

If we get married we’ll change the will of course as getting married would void our current will as it was done as an unmarried couple.

We need to get married and we also need to put me on the deeds of the house but it hasn’t happened yet.

With a will I know I won’t be kicked out the house though.

He also has life insurance so if he was to die young then gets used to pay off mortgage.

It’s a grim topic but a will is the best thing op. If one thing the last year has taught us it that life it too short.

I agree such topics could be covered at school @lyralalala
Simply saying school can’t teach every eventuality and one should avail self of information about decisions you make

It's not even an hour - try ten minutes tops for the most basic version of the service!

I had my current will written up when I was 26, when my youngest was a few months old. I check it and my end of life plans at least annually, and it's on my 'after moving' list to get it updated.

Now that our mortgage has been formally offered by the bank, we've an appointment with our broker to discuss some insurance options, including life insurance. As FTB, we've been debating the different options (I like the decreasing term, but want it to cover more than just the mortgage - so mortgage + X amount, but I'm not entirely sure how that works which is why we're asking an expert).

It is a shame more of this isn't included in conversations of marriage and adulthood in school. I did have one home ec teacher who was very hot on teaching these things. My DD mentioned this week that they're now discussing marriage, I'll have to ask her on it.

Depending how you buy the house and get the legality of ownership sorted out you could well find the house goes to his children and you end up with no right to live there so you have to get this all sorted out soon as.

What if you and DP were together in a car and got into an accident killing you both? What are the arrangements for your children?

Honestly it is mind blowing that people of any age have kids and don't have a will in place to protect each other and the children in case something happens. It's so short sighted to say 'we're too young' you don't always get enough time to get affairs in order before you die.

@JaninaDuszejko

Just go and have a quicky wedding so you are married then you will have rights over his money. But get wills sorted as well.

This. How much does it cost to go down the registry office with a couple of mates?

No if there’s no will then legally the money is not yours. I mean it should be of course but it doesn’t work like that. If he didn’t have a will I’m sure there’s some kind of legal route you could take to prove that you were co-habiting. no there aren’t. If you co habit with someone you literally have no right to any of their money.

Even things like joint bank accounts are tricky as the account can be frozen until the deceased’s share of the estate has been dealt with, so advising the OP to get a joint savings account is ill advised.

Added to which, dying without a will is a messy and protracted process.

Saying that in your 20’s is too early is a ridiculous thing to say. We’re all just a car crash away....

So as "far as the wedding is concerned, we want a cheap wedding with only us and close family. no big extravaganza", but you also said you "don't want to waste money on a crappy affair". Which is it?

Thats a bit harsh
you don't know me or our circumstances.
To get married we would have to pay £70 just to give notice and them book the day off (which would actually mean having the week off due to his job- you can't just take a day off in his line of work) and then pay for the ceremony which is another 100 or so.
plus we have children who won't be allowed in the register office because of covid. So we will have to find someone to look after th and its a faff as it is.
Then we would have to deal with the onslaught of 'you married without us ?

in all likelihood my dear, dear darling won't die and all this will just be a faff. of course if he does I promise to post an apology on mumsnet for being so dense.

Back in the real world we will sort a will online which seems to be the easier option. until it comes to the cost... please be cheap

It’s your responsibility as an adult to avail your self of information pertinent to you

Yes. People need to take responsibility for themselves. It's easy enough to find information these days.

Also, we have nothing to leave bar a few grand at the moment. We would sort out wills when we had something to leave (ie the house) but until then its barely anything. Well, if the few grand isn't worth worrying about, then don't worry about it. But the way you've asked the question suggests you do feel it's enough to worry about, so it's worth sorting out. Either make wills or do a registry office wedding, whichever is cheaper,

Priorities and all that

Then what you need to do is:

1. Make wills now
2. Get married (if that is what you want to do

To be fair, it wasn't until I joined MN that I learned just how much of a legal contract marriage is. I agree that this should be an essentail part of PHSE in the curriculum.

I have read so many heartbreaking threads on here from women left high and dry because they have been a SAHM with no income, then their partner dumps them or dies. They are entitled to nothing at all.

A will can be changed at the stroke of a pen. As can beneficiaries to pensions. It's no guarantee anyone won't be left high and dry.,

Get some decent life insurance each and do wills. Won’t take long

No need to jump on the 'you're stealing from your children's and 'you're stealing from a dead man's comments. He isn't dead and I just haven't thought about it before now. while written on a web forum the wording seems somewhat harsh, the reality is that if you did as you had proposed and just removed all of his money you would be committing a criminal offence for which you could be prosecuted.

Me and my eXH set up wills pretty much as soon as we bought our first house, then amended when we had DC.

When we separated I made a will in my own right and I updated that will when I went in for heart surgery in 2019.

The one thing I do need to do is set up a lasting power of attorney in the event I am incapacitated.

We’re not married Op. but we have mirror wills and life insurance, pension etc we’re each named as beneficiaries.

Without marriage you wouldn’t get the government support should he die and you have dependent children though, which is something to think about. Wills of course can also be changed and if you separate before you’re married you wouldn’t be entitled to anything.

That said I don’t agree with the Mumsnet mindset that you have to marry if you have children. But you do need to ensure you’re financial independent and you know the risks involved.

If you are in a union many offer a free basic will writing service that would do the job as it sounds like yours would be very straight forward.

My work offered it free at start of corona virus

Write a will! BOTH of you. My ex passed away last year and his dad has taken everything. The kids should have got something but we are now fighting for the life insurance. It should be put into accounts for the kids but his dad says as next of kin it goes to him. The money in my exs bank account paid for his funeral and the rest disappeared. All his processions sold and given away. I was lucky to get a bin bag of his clothes for the kids to have something. As next of kin his dad is controlling everything and shut even my exs mother out. Get wills it makes it so much easier for the loved ones grieving if your wishes are clear. My kids have no say in anything due to their ages and now the mum and dad are fighting over the resting place of the ashes.

Also, we have nothing to leave bar a few grand at the moment. We would sort out wills when we had something to leave (ie the house) but until then its barely anything.

You should still make a will. What about your children, do they not deserve to be considered if you died? Wills aren't just about money. If you both died in a car crash tomorrow, who would raise your kids?

As it stands now, if your DP died tomorrow, the couple of grand he has in the bank would go towards paying for the funeral. Anything left over would have to cover any debts he has, and anything left after that would go to your children - you'd have no access to any of it. You'd also have no say over what happened to the money left for your DC.

And blaming not being taught this in school is a bit naive, really. You have enough knowledge to get online and post this, so you could quite easily have gone to google and done your research.

You're very vulnerable, but too many women (because it's pretty much never men who leave themselves in this kind position), don't realise how vulnerable they are until it all goes wrong.

Are you at least named in each other's pensions? If he does a dangerous job, does he have "death in service" benefits? If so, is your name down to receive those? If not, again, they'll pass straight to his NoK which are his children. You won't get a penny.

It's the people who have nothing who are most protected by marriage. Widows' benefits are another thing you'd be entitled to on his death if you got married. Currently in the eyes of the law, you are a single parent and won't get a penny in support. Can you afford to lose out on that £120 a week if he dies?

Can you afford to raise the DC alone without all the support of wills, pensions and marriage?