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Original poster

What would happen to my partners money if he dies and we weren't married?

419 replies

grannyinapram · 07/02/2021 12:44

Not a huge amount but we are saving for a house so he has a couple of thousand in his account and I have the same in mine.
We have dc and have lived together since being teens.
But getting married is a hard one because althoufh we are enganged, we don't want to get married yet. The 'wedding' isn't happening until after we buy the house anyway because we don't want to waste money on a crappy affair when we are renting.
Priorities and all that. Covid has pushed both further out of our reach.

I was just reading the will thread where the husband won't write one and it made me wonder what will happen to our money if we died?
We aren't even 30 yet so it seems a little presumptuous to write a will, however DH (not yet lol) has a fairly dangerous job so I'm always worried of the 'what ifs'

I was under the impression that when he died I could just go on his phone and put all the money in my bank and close the account, and vice versa. However I'm not sure now. is that legal? would anyone else have a claim? does it go to our kids? no idea.

OP posts:
Riv · 07/02/2021 15:48

And don't forget that any will made prior to marriage becomes invalid when / if you do marry.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 07/02/2021 15:49

@PerfectPenquins I’m so sorry to read how harshly you’re being treated that on top of a bereavement too

LunaLula83 · 07/02/2021 15:56

Why dont you both have a joint account

TheSparkleJar · 07/02/2021 15:57

When you think about who you would want to raise your dc's, ask them first before adding it to your will. I wanted my DA to look after my DC's if anything happened to me, and she was well set up to do so. But I got a brutal but honest "No I wouldn't want to do that" so chose someone else. Fortunately I didn't need it. But never just assume!

StrangerHereMyself · 07/02/2021 15:59

@Riv

And don't forget that any will made prior to marriage becomes invalid when / if you do marry.
It doesn’t have to be, as long as you state in the will that you intend it to stay valid.
viques · 07/02/2021 16:00

@grannyinapram

Thats a bit harsh you don't know me or our circumstances. To get married we would have to pay £70 just to give notice and them book the day off (which would actually mean having the week off due to his job- you can't just take a day off in his line of work) and then pay for the ceremony which is another 100 or so. plus we have children who won't be allowed in the register office because of covid. So we will have to find someone to look after th and its a faff as it is. Then we would have to deal with the onslaught of 'you married without us ?

in all likelihood my dear, dear darling won't die and all this will just be a faff. of course if he does I promise to post an apology on mumsnet for being so dense.

Back in the real world we will sort a will online which seems to be the easier option. until it comes to the cost... please be cheap Blush

Well, as you say, back in the real world, you have had a lot of advice on this thread and whatever you decide to do is your choice. Just make sure you add up all the consequences, financial and otherwise first. It could cost you more than £170 for a wedding licence.

Re making a will, yes you can use online forms or ones you can buy in places like WH Smith’s. Keep them very basic and simple, pensions, possessions, children, don’t start fiddling about making little gifts to friends and relatives.

It is very important that you make sure you get witnesses in to witness you actually signing them. Not asking them to witness the will before or after they are signed, because that invalidates the will. The witnesses don’t need to read the will , but they do need to see you sign and date it.

Better still, look out for charity will weeks when for a small donation to a charity proper solicitors will draw up legal wills for you, and keep a copy safe for you. Most solicitors know they won’t get rich on making basic wills, but do know they will make small fortunes on sorting out disputed home made wills that go wrong, or family disputes about perfectly legal wills.

TheSparkleJar · 07/02/2021 16:00

If not, again, they'll pass straight to his NoK which are his children. You won't get a penny.

Maybe not even his DC's if he has grasping parents...

I am interested though in people saying "she wouldn't get a penny" of the dc's money. Can't it - or some of it - be used to raise them?

I can't imagine it would it have to be kept in a bank account until they become adults, that could be extraordinarily harsh on the surviving parent. But if it was stipulated in a will, then I suppose it could happen, unless legally challenged.

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 07/02/2021 16:00

Wills aren't really about money. My father died without making a will as did my FIL. Neither had any money really but it added an extra layer of hassle in terms of probate and so on.

PerfectPenquins · 07/02/2021 16:01

[quote HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee]@PerfectPenquins I’m so sorry to read how harshly you’re being treated that on top of a bereavement too[/quote]
Thank you, its been really eye opening. I was really surprised at how one parent could be shut out like that, im much closer to his mother and she had such little say over the funeral and now only his dad has had the coroners report before the inquest. The rest of us will find out on the day which is cruel.
People change when grieving and I get that but this is something else! My eldest is 12 i would have loved his watch or some jewelry anything that was personal to him for them to keep but its been such a battle. Definitely write a will, anyone reading this thread if you haven't already.

katy1213 · 07/02/2021 16:02

I'd have thought that for a father of small children who has a dangerous job it's presumptuous NOT to make a will!
Your children would inherit - and you would find it hard/impossible to access the money, even if you needed it to feed/clothe them.

Mintjulia · 07/02/2021 16:02

OP you shouldn't need to take any time off. Early saturday morning registry office job once lockdown is over, take the dcs with you, pull two witnesses off the street. It's just a paperwork exercise.

Then wills, powers of attorney, indication of who cares for the dcs if you are both killed in a car crash. Your solicitor will advise on trusts.

If I die, my house will be sold and the funds go into a trust for my dc. My ex wouldn't be able to care for ds, so dsis will take him. The trust then pays her an amount every year to cover his costs, with any left over being used for education (university) or inherited by him directly on his 25th birthday. I think the whole thing cost me £185.

viques · 07/02/2021 16:03

Sorry, I meant to say “It could cost you more than the £170 cost for a wedding licence if the worst comes to the worst and you split up or one or both of you dies.”

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 07/02/2021 16:03

You get nothing all the money will go to the kids but if his relative claim some it could be shared out.
It happened to a friend of mine. Her "common law husband" died and she got nothing, every penny and the house went to the relatives.
You need a proper will and/or a quick visit to the registry office which costs around £100 I think.

rosegoldwatcher · 07/02/2021 16:04

We were 31 (and married) when our eldest was born. Mirroring wills were drawn up very soon after.

Money aside, you do need to state who you would like to care for your children if both of you were to die together.

Littlepaws18 · 07/02/2021 16:05

You are not his next of kin. So if he has an ex wife or his parents or children will get his estate. If he left no will it will go to probate.

It's one of the first things myself and my partner sorted as I discovered my estate would go to my ex partner (even though we never married) because of my daughter and the same situation for my partner. So we stated in our wills that each would get the estate of the other if we died before getting married and what happens if we both die and who looks after kids. He nominated me on his pensions and life insurance and I did the same.

I don't know how water tight this is in an event of it being contested but it's the best we can do until we are married.

Also having no will is a nightmare even if married. My FIL died last year and left no will my MIL had a complete nightmare sorting it and they had been married over 30 years.

Don't leave yourself open get it sorted.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 07/02/2021 16:05

@TheSparkleJar

If not, again, they'll pass straight to his NoK which are his children. You won't get a penny.

Maybe not even his DC's if he has grasping parents...

I am interested though in people saying "she wouldn't get a penny" of the dc's money. Can't it - or some of it - be used to raise them?

I can't imagine it would it have to be kept in a bank account until they become adults, that could be extraordinarily harsh on the surviving parent. But if it was stipulated in a will, then I suppose it could happen, unless legally challenged.

She won't, because it's not her money. It's their money left to them by their deceased parent. The money is left in control of the executor of the will - this will either be a solicitor or maybe his parents.

"Typically, gifts made to a minor are held in trust until the child reaches the age of 18 (though the will can specify an older age). That means that the trustees (often the executors of the will) look after the inheritance until then."

"The will may also state how the income and capital can be used in the meantime. For example, it is not uncommon for the trustees to be able to use the income and up to half the capital for the benefit of the child, for example, paying for schooling."

From: www.lawdonut.co.uk/personal/claiming-an-inheritance/claiming-an-inheritance-faqs

OP won't be the trustee as she has no legal connection to her partner, and if there's no will, she can't be next of kin or anything like that as they're not married.

Married saves so many hassles in the case of death, but so many people don't realise the benefits until it's too late.

Littlepaws18 · 07/02/2021 16:08

It's depends how old his children are, if they are young his next of kin would be his ex partner whether they married or not.

Astrabees · 07/02/2021 16:09

In addition to a will I think you should both have some life insurance. Cover is really cheap at your age and you can have the proceeds left in trust to your partner if either of you were to die, that would ensure the survivor and children were well provided for .

Dixiechickonhols · 07/02/2021 16:10

He must take annual leave at some point op? Just book a slot for then and do it. In meantime had he done all he can with his company nominating you etc. Tell the person minding the kids you’ve got a solicitors appointment if you don’t want to tell them or when they are in school.

SpiceRat · 07/02/2021 16:10

I got married last year (had to cancel the big wedding for just the basic microwedding) and Im still in all the wedding planning groups most people due to get married before may are posting that they have postponed until 2022 (and some until 2023) right now, even when lockdown lifts there will be plenty of cancellations gaps to fill.
Lucky you being able to get married. I’m still in those groups being unable to even legally get married due to lockdowns and the overwhelming backlog of registry office spaces. While there maybe cancellations the spaces will be offered to those previously booked in as a priority as I said, so it will be a lot more inconvenient for a while than just “popping to the registry office”. I’ve been going through the struggle for months. Anyway this is off topic now so we shall end this conversation here as not to derail.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 07/02/2021 16:10

Problem is people think they know stuff eg common law wife, or have an indignant reaction such as well they couldn’t just take his money,that’s not fair
No or limited understanding of their precarious position regard cohabitation if there is no will

BiteyShark · 07/02/2021 16:11

I always find these threads odd about not considering wills because you are not going to die young or have no assets. People have assets, clothes, cars, bank accounts etc. People die young and unexpectedly all the time. Have a walk around a graveyard and see the different ages. Not everyone has the fortunate of living to be old.

Wills mean that your wishes are taken into account. And I think it's bloody awful that if you are in a partnership, married or have DC if you don't have a will as essentially you don't care that your loved ones will have a hard time navigating intestate law at the same time as grieving,

My first will was done when I was single and 23.

ChairinSage · 07/02/2021 16:12

Get married. It isn't about a wedding, it's a legally binding contract and makes life simpler than any will. You can have a big party any time but it won't guarantee you will live happily ever after.
A colleague lost his wife to a brain aneurysm last year - no warning, no time to make arrangements. She was 26. You are never too young to die or become incapacitated.
I am always surprised that these threads keep appearing on MN.

RandomGrammarPun · 07/02/2021 16:16

Do you have life insurance, OP?

If not, I'd get some pronto. If you're youngish and healthyish and particularly if you're non-smokers, it's very cheap. Get it now, for a decent sum assured and for a long (level) term which should cover any length of mortgage you might take out in the future. The younger you are, the cheaper life insurance is.

mumwon · 07/02/2021 16:17

one advantage of being married is that you than have a claim on your partners pension
useful if you divorce
I never understand why if you make a commitment to each other & have children why wouldn't you marry - it makes life so much more difficult if you don't & making a will (which can be changed if things change for you) is common sense if you care about each other.
People can die quite suddenly & having to cope with all that distress & the financial issues on top & other grasping relatives - no. just no.

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