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Original poster

What would happen to my partners money if he dies and we weren't married?

419 replies

grannyinapram · 07/02/2021 12:44

Not a huge amount but we are saving for a house so he has a couple of thousand in his account and I have the same in mine.
We have dc and have lived together since being teens.
But getting married is a hard one because althoufh we are enganged, we don't want to get married yet. The 'wedding' isn't happening until after we buy the house anyway because we don't want to waste money on a crappy affair when we are renting.
Priorities and all that. Covid has pushed both further out of our reach.

I was just reading the will thread where the husband won't write one and it made me wonder what will happen to our money if we died?
We aren't even 30 yet so it seems a little presumptuous to write a will, however DH (not yet lol) has a fairly dangerous job so I'm always worried of the 'what ifs'

I was under the impression that when he died I could just go on his phone and put all the money in my bank and close the account, and vice versa. However I'm not sure now. is that legal? would anyone else have a claim? does it go to our kids? no idea.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 07/02/2021 18:28

What is this job which means he has to do a week at a time?

What is your plan? Can't do it with the kids, can't take the day off, need to pay £70 plus £100 etc etc. All excuses.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 07/02/2021 18:32

I was under the impression that when he died I could just go on his phone and put all the money in my bank and close the account, and vice versa.

Holy shit. Why on earth would you think this was ok?

Make a will. It doesn't matter how old you both are, if you have assets which you wish to pass to a specific person after you die, just make a bloody will.

rawalpindithelabrador · 07/02/2021 18:40

@grannyinapram

Its surprising nobody told me any of this at school. When we discussed marriage in RE pretty much every child in the class said they didn't believe in marriage because they aren't Christian or religious etc. The teacher didn't say anything about financial implications. It was all about love and religion and tradition.

Until somebody makes you aware, this kind of stuff just doesn't hit your radar.

Also, we have nothing to leave bar a few grand at the moment. We would sort out wills when we had something to leave (ie the house) but until then its barely anything. Enough to cover the funeral costs, if that. please don't pounce I didn't research funeral costs when I found out I was pregnant!!! shoot me
and as far as the wedding is concerned, we want a cheap wedding with only us and close family. no big extravaganza. But it still costs money, including the money lost from having the time off for it.

Why should they? When did it become the school's responsibility to train up functional adults?

Young people die suddenly all the time. To bury your head in the sand and make more excuses not to protect each other and your children legally during a pandemic especially is foolish.

Heyahun · 07/02/2021 18:50

So your husband never ever gets a day off then? Why can’t you book the wedding during a time you are not maybe not at work??😂

RootyT00t · 07/02/2021 18:54

@grannyinapram

Thats a bit harsh you don't know me or our circumstances. To get married we would have to pay £70 just to give notice and them book the day off (which would actually mean having the week off due to his job- you can't just take a day off in his line of work) and then pay for the ceremony which is another 100 or so. plus we have children who won't be allowed in the register office because of covid. So we will have to find someone to look after th and its a faff as it is. Then we would have to deal with the onslaught of 'you married without us ?

in all likelihood my dear, dear darling won't die and all this will just be a faff. of course if he does I promise to post an apology on mumsnet for being so dense.

Back in the real world we will sort a will online which seems to be the easier option. until it comes to the cost... please be cheap Blush

He would have to book the time off and find someone to have the kids 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I think this is one of my favourite ever responses on Mumsnet
Tal45 · 07/02/2021 18:55

I haven't read all the replies but you could just put all the savings in a joint account if you're not getting married and don't want to write a will. That way if either of you dies the other would have access.

Quartz2208 · 07/02/2021 19:04

@Riv I didnt realised I stopped watching! Does actually though show what happens in that case though so I guess is relevant

Clicketyclick21 · 07/02/2021 19:05

Hypothetically, if your partner won the lottery and then died after the money was paid out; who do you think would inherit the money? It certainly won't be you that's for sure.

Wills/getting married should be done even if you don't have anything substantial to leave now. It can protect you for certain eventualities in the future. Religion hasn't got anything to do with marriage nowadays, it's about protecting your future.

VodselForDinner · 07/02/2021 19:06

@grannyinapram

Thats a bit harsh you don't know me or our circumstances. To get married we would have to pay £70 just to give notice and them book the day off (which would actually mean having the week off due to his job- you can't just take a day off in his line of work) and then pay for the ceremony which is another 100 or so. plus we have children who won't be allowed in the register office because of covid. So we will have to find someone to look after th and its a faff as it is. Then we would have to deal with the onslaught of 'you married without us ?

in all likelihood my dear, dear darling won't die and all this will just be a faff. of course if he does I promise to post an apology on mumsnet for being so dense.

Back in the real world we will sort a will online which seems to be the easier option. until it comes to the cost... please be cheap Blush

You’re looking at this the wrong way.

Getting married will cost you £170.

Two wills will cost much more than that.

By getting married, the legal contract takes care of most the the will stuff, so you won’t need a will initially.

CleansUpPenguinPoo · 07/02/2021 19:45

@rawalpindithelabrador

"Why should they? When did it become the school's responsibility to train up functional adults?"

It's a pity money management, budgeting and savvy shopping aren't taught in school, these are more important life skills than algebra, for example. Martin Lewis from MSE has campaigned for years, and finally offers courses through the OU:
www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2020/05/mse-launches--academoney--financial-education-course-with-the-op/

Mumblechum0 · 07/02/2021 19:51

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Riv · 07/02/2021 19:54

@Tal45 if they put all their money etc into a joint account, she would only be entitled to half of that money from the moment he died. The rest would belong to the next of kin in a legally pre-determined manner.
It's also likely that the bank will freeze the joint account when notified of the death, leaving her without access to money until probate is granted (which takes quite a while even when there's a will!)

VestaTilley · 07/02/2021 19:58

What you’re planning would not be legal. It would be stealing.

If you’re not married and if your DP hasn’t left you money in his will then his money goes straight to his DC and then any other relatives. Without a will it would need to go to court/probate I think, but it would likely go to his DC then his parents.

You both need life insurance and to write wills. And I’d get married soon down the register office very cheaply if you want the protections of marriage.

If he had DC before you got together though it is right they inherit something from him - it shouldn’t all just go to you.

StrangerHereMyself · 07/02/2021 20:08

[quote Riv]@Tal45 if they put all their money etc into a joint account, she would only be entitled to half of that money from the moment he died. The rest would belong to the next of kin in a legally pre-determined manner.
It's also likely that the bank will freeze the joint account when notified of the death, leaving her without access to money until probate is granted (which takes quite a while even when there's a will!)[/quote]
That’s not how joint accounts work Riv. The money belongs to both of you simultaneously.

Mumblechum0 · 07/02/2021 20:22

Riv, that’s not correct. The contents of a joint account are owned jointly and severally, whether the accounting holders are married or not.

Same applies to property owned as joint tenants.

KevinSausage · 07/02/2021 20:45

@Mumblechum0

OP, I’m run a Will writing firm and have written hundreds of MNers wills over the years.

As it sounds as though money’s a bit tight, I’d be happy to do a pair of standard mirror wills for half price as long as you don’t mind waiting a bit, as this is my busiest period.

www.marlowwills.co.uk

Oooh you did ours!
IM0GEN · 07/02/2021 21:09

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Its surprising nobody told me any of this at school. You need to take responsibility

It’s your responsibility as an adult to avail your self of information pertinent to you

School didn’t teach me about cohabitation, credit agreements,NoK, wills and mortgages I found it out myself

This.

Even my 21 year old DD has a will - she did it at the same time as she bought her flat. The solicitor who did the conveyancing strongly advised that she do so and it only cost a small amount extra.

Riv · 07/02/2021 22:56

@StrangerHereMyself and @Mumblechum0
I’m sorry, it seems things have changed if this is the case. I had a joint account with a high street bank frozen for three months when my partner died.
Glad if it’s now different as it was a tough time for me.

sicknote26 · 07/02/2021 23:00

I was widowed suddenly in my 30's
We never got round to getting married or writing wills. I was left with nothing but the house which had a massive mortgage that I couldn't afford on my own. We didn't even have life insurance. I now tell everyone who will listen how important getting married is for a bit of security. You think it will never happen to you, I had children and wasn't even entitled to the widowed parent benefit for my kids because we had never married.

Haffiana · 07/02/2021 23:02

Please be aware that wills can be changed at any time for any reason (and in fact SHOULD be updated every time there is a major change in circumstances).

You would not be informed if your OH decided unilaterally to change his will, or to change his life insurance policy or his pension.

OP, you have separate bank accounts and you are making really ridiculous arguments against going to a registry office. Is the real reason that your OH would refuse?

Blackberrycream · 07/02/2021 23:18

@sicknote26
Absolutely.
I tell friends too. I was in an easier position because we were married. We didn’t have life insurance though as my husband was already ill and the premiums would have been unaffordable.
Nobody thinks it will happen to them
I now have everything in place for my children ( will and life insurance) and I sleep a lot easier for it.

cabbageking · 07/02/2021 23:47

There have been a couple of cases where the parents have stepped in on death and arranged a funeral according to their wishes for the son close to where they live with no regard for the partner left behind.

You can access anything with your name on as normal which includes bills.

iwishiwasatcentralperk · 08/02/2021 12:43

OP, as others have said, and I missed this in my last post, you also need to make arrangements in your will for your DC, so that if you and DP went at the same time, you can appoint a guardian for your DC, specify that everything is left in Trust for DC until a certain age, and also appoint somebody to be Trustee for anything that they inherit (once you have property or life insurance).

You say that you weren't taught this in school, well it wouldn't be part of RE certainly , but this is why Martin Lewis is campaigning for proper financial education to be taught in school, so that people understand money and debt and wills and so on.

Marriage is a choice, but people need to understand the financial protection that it can bring.

VodselForDinner · 08/02/2021 13:07

@sicknote26 and @Blackberrycream, so very sorry for your losses Flowers

I can only imagine the pain of losing a spouse, let alone having to deal with all the associated burden when it comes to things like dealing with insurance companies and banks while grieving.

42andcounting · 08/02/2021 13:26

Not RTFT, but OP it's worth having a look at Free Wills month. For 2021, this starts on 1st March, and you can have wills drawn up by a qualified solicitor, you just need to make a donation to one of the designated charities.

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