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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would happen to my partners money if he dies and we weren't married?

419 replies

grannyinapram · 07/02/2021 12:44

Not a huge amount but we are saving for a house so he has a couple of thousand in his account and I have the same in mine.
We have dc and have lived together since being teens.
But getting married is a hard one because althoufh we are enganged, we don't want to get married yet. The 'wedding' isn't happening until after we buy the house anyway because we don't want to waste money on a crappy affair when we are renting.
Priorities and all that. Covid has pushed both further out of our reach.

I was just reading the will thread where the husband won't write one and it made me wonder what will happen to our money if we died?
We aren't even 30 yet so it seems a little presumptuous to write a will, however DH (not yet lol) has a fairly dangerous job so I'm always worried of the 'what ifs'

I was under the impression that when he died I could just go on his phone and put all the money in my bank and close the account, and vice versa. However I'm not sure now. is that legal? would anyone else have a claim? does it go to our kids? no idea.

OP posts:
rawalpindithelabrador · 07/02/2021 16:17

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Problem is people think they know stuff eg common law wife, or have an indignant reaction such as well they couldn’t just take his money,that’s not fair No or limited understanding of their precarious position regard cohabitation if there is no will
Yep. They get miffed their biddie in means nowt in law. And that will not change and shouldn't. There is civil partnership and marriage and hiring a lawyer available.
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 07/02/2021 16:22

I love biddie in It’s such a morningside expression.

DeeCeeCherry · 07/02/2021 16:27

Life skills, including necessary day to day financial and legal knowledge and sense, really does need to be taught in schools. Ludicrous that it isn't.

Ammari515253 · 07/02/2021 16:27

Writing a will is so important, if you have nothing officially written down about then you are in for a shock if you presume you will inherit everything. Scarier still if you both pass away and your child is under 18 then the local authority take your kids away and put them in foster care until they have proof of where they can legally send them to a relative to live. This can take months and a lot of heartache. My husband and I have very very little to our name but wrote a will for the sake of our child.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 07/02/2021 16:31

School cannot teach every eventuality,one needs to take personal responsibility for contracts ,situations you find self in

lurch3r · 07/02/2021 16:34

@DeeCeeCherry

Life skills, including necessary day to day financial and legal knowledge and sense, really does need to be taught in schools. Ludicrous that it isn't.
Or, perhaps by young people's parents and carers? Life skills and sense really is my job to impart to my kids. I would be the one letting them down if I didn't, not their schools.
sunflowersandbuttercups · 07/02/2021 16:37

@DeeCeeCherry

Life skills, including necessary day to day financial and legal knowledge and sense, really does need to be taught in schools. Ludicrous that it isn't.
We have unlimited internet access nowadays. There's no excuse not to read up on these things.
VodselForDinner · 07/02/2021 16:38

Its surprising nobody told me any of this at school. When we discussed marriage in RE pretty much every child in the class said they didn't believe in marriage because they aren't Christian or religious etc. The teacher didn't say anything about financial implications. It was all about love and religion and tradition

Until somebody makes you aware, this kind of stuff just doesn't hit your radar

Now that you know, will you please tell your children?

You’re unmarried, have never worked, have four children, and no assets of your own.

You’re in a really vulnerable position here.

BiteyShark · 07/02/2021 16:41

I learnt about this stuff after leaving school by browsing the web when it was painful dial up. I don't think there is any excuse now that information can be obtained so readily today not to educate yourself on wills and other legal protection.

hauntedvagina · 07/02/2021 16:43

Get married, and get married soon. You can marry in a registry office for a few hundred pounds. Have your wedding when you are able to.

Getting married is a legally binding contract between two people. A wedding is a big party. You don't have to do the two on the same day.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/02/2021 16:43

Even things like joint bank accounts are tricky as the account can be frozen until the deceased’s share of the estate has been dealt with, so advising the OP to get a joint savings account is ill advised.

How does that work, then? How can you state how much of the money belongs to either spouse? Even if you could notionally say that it's 50% each (in which case it would be a 'shared' account and not a joint one), you can't just cut off a living person's legal access to their own money. Plenty of couples - especially those of an older generation - only have one one single joint account and no other accounts at all. A joint account means that you have joint and several rights to access and use the money. You don't need the other's permission to take every single penny out - that's part of the problem people sometimes find just before an acrimonious divorce.

You don't lose access to your own money on top of everything else, just because you've been widowed. Surely it's the same as when you are joint tenants of a house - you both own all of it (together), so on the death of one person, ownership passes straight to the survivor, as a dead person cannot legally own anything; you don't get thrown out of your own jointly owned-house upon the death of the other person: it is yours.

The legalities may take a little while to tidy up - and the joint account and tenancy will subsequently be transferred to your single name - but you never lose access in the meantime.... unless there's something that I've radically misunderstood?

Ginfordinner · 07/02/2021 16:44

@BiteyShark

I learnt about this stuff after leaving school by browsing the web when it was painful dial up. I don't think there is any excuse now that information can be obtained so readily today not to educate yourself on wills and other legal protection.
TBH it simply wouldn't have occurred to me to look up anything like this. It just wasn't on my radar. Although it was academic really as I have been married a long time.
NettleTea · 07/02/2021 16:45

@PerfectPenquins thats terrible. But I know it happens. It happened to my friend too - she lost her home (it was in his name) and her partner all in one go. She was pregnant at the time, so the 'next of kin' didnt exist legally at that point, and the older child was under 18.

so yes, it could all pass to his parents if any kids are not adults

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/02/2021 16:46

....Or is it different if there are outstanding costs (such as funeral) or debt owing against the estate? That doesn't sound to be what OP was concerned about, in principle.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 07/02/2021 17:07

The unmarried op queried What would happen to my partners money if he dies eg accessing his sole account upon death . In that case, an account in his sole name would be frozen and intestate applies

To clarify A joint account in two names would remain accessible to the other named person as it is joint monies. The beneficiary becomes the other named person.

Op queries her partner sole account monies

Arobase · 07/02/2021 17:08

Legally it belongs to his children. In practice if you quickly transferred the money it seems unlikely anyone would come after you.

Risking this would be incredibly stupid.

ItsIgginningtolooklikelockdown · 07/02/2021 17:11

I think a lot of people don't think about these things until they have to deal with a parental death, and can then see how the wheels turn basically. It is hard enough what you need to deal with when there is a will and a clear next of kin.

Singlenotsingle · 07/02/2021 17:12

Open a joint account and put all the money in. Or just get him to add your name to his account.

StrangerHereMyself · 07/02/2021 17:14

Whether you need a will has nothing to do with age or assets.

Everyone needs to understand what would happen if they died tomorrow. If the answer is unacceptable to you, either because your assets would go to the wrong person or because delays in the intestacy process would leave your dependents in difficulty, then you need a will (and perhaps life insurance).

The five main categories of people who need wills but don’t always have them are:
Unmarried cohabitees like the OP
Married couples who are separated but not yet divorced
Single childless people who are NC with one or both of their parents (eg if bio father disappeared when they were an infant)
Parents in blended families
Everyone else

RootyT00t · 07/02/2021 17:16

If you think you could just go on his phone and transfer all his money, then yes I think you need to be getting advice on this (and presumably a few other things....)

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 07/02/2021 17:17

Or just get him to add your name to his account that’s really dumb advice only beneficial one way.
No way I’d add my partner name to my sole account. Mine is mine,His is his

Ragwort · 07/02/2021 17:21

I can't believe that people are still so ignorant about making a will - I made a will as soon as I got my first job - over 40 years ago, I wasn't married, no DC, but I knew the importance of making a will.

I shouldn't be surprised - recently taking to two friends, a married couple with DC, both solicitors who hadn't got round to making their Wills Shock.

It is a nightmare trying to sort out someone's affairs if they don't leave a will.

Kazzyhoward · 07/02/2021 17:21

@DeeCeeCherry

Life skills, including necessary day to day financial and legal knowledge and sense, really does need to be taught in schools. Ludicrous that it isn't.
No, not enough space in the curriculum after all the really important things that everyone uses in normal life, like evaluating a Shakespeare play or solving quadratic equations, are taught. After all, they're far more important aren't they? Surely everyone in later life will find themselves having to calculate the volume of a sphere but very few need to know about wills or tax or marriage formalities, or mortgages, etc do they? (I'm being ironic by the way). In reality, I fully agree that what is taught at schools needs a radical rethink to actually prepare our young for adult life.
AliceMcK · 07/02/2021 17:23

Easiest way round it would be to put your money in a joint account, then if anything happened to one of you the other can legally access the money. I will probably get flamed for suggesting this and not encouraging you to have your own separate money.

I can understand why you havnt thought about wills.

Having life insurance is quite literally life changing should anything happen to either of you. Just make sure you get good advice on it though. Don’t be roped into getting a funeral plan policy that you will end up paying more money in premiums into it than you will get out.

bigbird1969 · 07/02/2021 17:24

My partner and i were together for 20yrs with 4 DC before we got married in a hurry. We do have a joint mortgage, separate pensions however we had named each other as the nominated person on the event of death. When he was diagnosed witha terminal illness i had no doubt that his parents would try and take over as NOK, think they had some rights over his flat that he still had and control over his funeral. They were very upset when we got married with 24hrs notice as he was having life threatening surgery. Best thing we ever did, parents havent been happy since but we are fine, i know excatly what he wants to happen when he dies. No issues about his property and other assets as we have wills too. You may not be married, but get wills, be clear about what your DP wishes are on the event of his death and make sure your named as his NOK on GP records and hospital etc

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