To get so wound up by how long DH takes to leave the house?

[FortunesFave]

He's so fucking DELIBERATE about everything he does!

Tying his shoes...he lines the laces up to make sure they're the same length.

He leaves. He comes back to fill his water bottle. Then leaves. Then fucking comes back because the water tastes gross so he wants lemons in it.

Then he leaves.

Then...he's back! He forgot poo bags for the dogs.

He literally takes an hour to leave sometimes.

The fucking sound of his shoes up and down the wooden floorboards makes me want to EXPLODE!

Sorry I had to put it here. We've worked out he's likely to have ADHD but not diagnosed.

I try to help him sometimes but he says it makes him forget even more things and needs to be left to it.

If he's going out without you, leave him to it.

If you're waiting for him, then don't. Leave at the appointed time whether he's ready or not. If he has a routine which he needs to go through before he leaves then that's fine but he needs to start it in advance and not when you should be leaving.

I had an ex like this. I just started leaving when I said I was going to. The amount of times he made me late for work because he wanted us to travel in together (he was self employed so didn't really have a start time) but he'd faff for twenty minutes was ridiculous. In the end I just told him I was leaving at X whether he was ready or not and if he wanted to come with me then he had to be ready then too.

If I’m in a hurry DH messes about the same way as yours OP and if he wants to go out he rushes out the door and sits on the car moaning that I’m not ready!

I know I shouldn't let if affect me if I'm not going but it's the SOUND of his shoes on the corridor...Up and Down and Up and DOWN again and again!

He also often returns to the house after he's got in the car when we're going out because he 'forgot to brush his teeth'

HOW DO YOU FORGET THAT!

Do it in the shower or just after!

@pinkstripeycat
My DH used to do this then got worse when we had our first child. One time at his parents he was just sat saying let's go now, let's go now, I exploded at him that he was worse than a taxi driver atleast they helped you with your bags! He's improved massively although he still takes an age getting out but now helps get everyone out as well.

This made me giggle.. I used to get SO frustrated that it would take my DH so long to get out the house. Hed instigate going out, I'd start after him and be waiting in the car having got myself, a toddler and preschooler sorted in the car and buckled up.
It used to infuriate me.
Now I go without him... (as he doesn't like it when I go back inside and ask him to get in the car)

Dh is/was just like that. We got a private adhd diagnosis (the nhs waiting list is 6 years in our area!) and he is now on medication for life.
The medication has changed his life (and mine!)

Sounds so annoying. He needs a chart to remind himself of what he needs to do

Mine is a bit like this .... he always attempts to force a wee out although he doesn’t really need to go. I would understand this if we were heading off on hols for a six hour drive .... less so when it’s his parents who live a 15 min drive away and also have a toilet 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦‍♀️

My DH can be like this. I’ll say “are you ready to go” and he’ll say yes. But then add “I’ve just got to change my trousers, put my shoes on and find my wallet.”
That is quite obviously not ready to go!!!

He also has an incredibly annoying habit of just kicking his trainers off when he gets home so that when he next needs to go out he has to undo the laces to get them on. Somehow undoing the laces when he gets in is a waste of time, but undoing them before he goes out next isn’t

My DH takes forever to get ready if we (in olden times) were going somewhere I organised.
If we needed to leave by 7pm, for example, i would give him time checks from about 5pm and he would say yes i just need to have a shower, and I'll be ready....but then carry on watching tv, doing some diy, mowing the lawn etc until about 6.50 and then go in the shower, dither about what to wear and be ready at 7.15, when hed known all day we were meant to be leaving at 7!!
On the other hand if we're going on holiday he would throw a few clothes in a bag, pick up his wallet and keys and be annoyed that I wasnt ready in 5 min because I was getting booking info, sorting directions, getting snacks for the journey, making sure kids had been to the loo etc.
Then half an hour into the journey say have "we" got (insert fairly essential item) with us...?

If I ever kill my husband this will be the reason.

Ah this is me, I have ADHD which isn’t currently medicated.

My routine when I get home is to take everything off (apart from underwear) I obviously don’t stand in one place while doing this. So when I go out again I have to look for clothes, shoes, wallet, keys. Once I’ve finally got all that together I’ll then panic about food, so then i’ll check my bloods, eat something small if needed, additional insulin if needed. Then I might need a wee, I hate public toilets so I’ll do anything I can to avoid them, while I’m weeing I’ll get distracted by shampoo bottles, smudges on the mirror, I look at patterns in the wood on the sink. I might notice my beard looks odd so I’ll give it a trim, or I’ll clean my teeth again because I can’t remember doing them. By this time I’ve forgotten we’re meant to be leaving the house.

When my ADHD is medicated its a case of get dressed, shove shoes on and outside in a few minutes.

@Oysterbabe

If I ever kill my husband this will be the reason.

Likewise. At our wedding the theme of his best man's speech was "Waiting for H" - he's always taken fucking ages to get going

Oh yes @Exhausteddog my 'DH' also does the last minute questions about things that are vital that he never bothers to organise... Either while sat on a plane or waiting at the gate to board... Highly annoying - especially if we have forgot it as by that stage can't sort... I have to resist the temptation to poke him in the eye

Are you married to my husband?

I will also raise you the time he takes to shower and get dressed. I need to do a time/motion study on him because it defies the laws of physics.

I just couldn’t marry someone like this

Yes, I can find 4 jobs to do by the time the right coat, walking shoes or gloves can be found. Then when I burst through the door in anger 20 minutes later to find him messing about on the laptop, he'll say "I was waiting for you, I thought you were washing up" Yes I was washing up filling time!

What would happen if u went back in after he did?

Would he remain ready to go or would he make you wait for him again ?

My husband is the same. He was diagnosed with ADHD last summer

My DP takes ages too, even if just going for a walk or to the supermarket, he will spend 20 mins putting in his contacts, washing his face, brushing teeth, getting changed then re-changed, general faffing about. I just put on my shoes and coat and I'm sat about waiting for 30 minutes

This is me too, but of course in too much of a disorganised procrastinator to ever do anything about it.

No wonder some people are very happily single by choice.

I couldn't bear to live with someone like your Dh.

Mine is usually ready to leave before me, but will then decide he needs the loo just as I'm putting my coat on and opening the door, EVERY TIME

My son has ADD and his behaviours around leaving the house can be similarly frustrating
He's now on medication which has helped hugely
I now understand better that it's not deliberate it's part and parcel of his ADD and we have put lots of strategies in place to mitigate as much as we can

Oh and Morten some of us have no choice but to live with people like this because they are our family members who we love and although it can be horrendously frustrating I try and remember how much more anxiety provoking and distressing it can be for them than it is for me