To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

“I asked DH and he said...”

The all-knowing man has spoken, listen up women!

Batch cooking, for a full day a week or even a month is just not economical with time at all. Sorry I know it’s popular but I don’t know anyone who does this and I personally find pulling some frozen Tupperware out of the freezer joyless and tasteless. I’d much rather beans on toast.

@Karwomannghia I got called brainless for saying that!

Have we had the competitive phone avoider yet?

‘I barely even look at my phone tbh so I don’t ever answer calls or texts. I don’t listen to voicemails and I’ll answer WhatsApp messages after 4 weeks, you want a reply the same day? You’re very needy.’

the sausage thread is beautiful. it didn’t take long before people started to try and outdo each other with sausage snobbery.

‘i buy my sausages from a local organic butcher. we visit the farm when the piglets are born and, using an extensive checklist of genetics, ancestry and Important Things You Wouldn’t Understand, choose the ones we want to eat. they are then tenderly hand-reared on unicorn tears and gold-standard hyper-organic food, then carefully killed and made into meaty, good-quality sausages. it means we can only have sausages once a year but really, with this quality you don’t NEED to have them more than that. DH has two sausages, i have half and the DC share the other half between the four of them. we have a teaspoon of mash and i bulk the meal out with lentils, kidney beans and kale.

anyone who eats Richmond sausages should live in the poorhouse and have their children removed at birth’

"‘I barely even look at my phone tbh so I don’t ever answer calls or texts. I don’t listen to voicemails and I’ll answer WhatsApp messages after 4 weeks, you want a reply the same day? You’re very needy.’"

When DH and I first started courting we communicated by carrier pigeon and smoke signals once a week and that was more than enough; anything more than that is just weird and clingy in my humble opinion. Do you have abandonment issues? You sound very needy.

@NuniaBeeswax

"‘I barely even look at my phone tbh so I don’t ever answer calls or texts. I don’t listen to voicemails and I’ll answer WhatsApp messages after 4 weeks, you want a reply the same day? You’re very needy.’"

When DH and I first started courting we communicated by carrier pigeon and smoke signals once a week and that was more than enough; anything more than that is just weird and clingy in my humble opinion. Do you have abandonment issues? You sound very needy.

You communicated with him outside dates? How very controlling of you.

Every other man on MN is a "man child"

"DH has 2 jobs, works 23 hours a day but doesn't get up during his 1 hour of sleep in the night to see to the baby as he says he is tired"

"OP why did you decide to have children with this man child?"

“What an absurd, bizarre and dramatic response”

Said without any sense of irony to a poster who simply disagreed with a poster. Seen this loads. Once said to me because I said ‘in the real world nobody cares about someone nicking a 5p carrier bag’ because OP got shouted at for pinching one.

The hysteria was quite something. The poster was offered smelling salts by another poster

So many things are ‘vile, bizarre or unhinged’ on here. Completely uninteresting things too.

I've been told I sound 'jealous' on here

There is currently a thread on a fussy husbands refusal to eat dinner OP has previously cooked and he liked but doesn’t this time

wasn’t long before the absolute clichè of ‘is he on the spectrum’ has popped up

Oh yes, all naughty kids of MNs are "on the spectrum, but undiagnosed" whereas everyone else's kids are just plain naughty, even if they have diagnosed autism.

The recent thread with an OP terrified because a 60 yr old local man is peering at her through a window and sending her blank cards was running for about 15mins before someone suggested "he probably has dementia"

@Eastie77

The recent thread with an OP terrified because a 60 yr old local man is peering at her through a window and sending her blank cards was running for about 15mins before someone suggested "he probably has dementia"

And suggestions of asking around about the poor man and seeing if there were services available for him. They were just short of telling the OP to be kind and ask him in for a brew.

[quote Nohomemadecandles]@Karwomannghia I got called brainless for saying that! [/quote]
Ha ha ha typical mn! We’re just doing it WRONG!

@fucknuckle your post is utter genius 😂

Any thread that dares to mention cheating of any kind at all, always descends into chaos. People that have dared to cheat in any way, no matter the context, are treated with the sort of condemnation that serial killers get in RL.

And agree with step mum threads too, WERE YOU THE OTHER WOMAN?????

The child feeding threads are enlightening, they veer from profligate amounts of vegetables, to an almost puritanical expectation that children must not be 'pandered' to. Toddler doesn't eat their dinner? They must eat nothing else for the rest of the day. If they complain about being hungry dinner must be reheated and given again. Pages and pages of a grim determination to make their child eat something they don't want to eat. One kind-hearted soul did suggest maybe a glass of milk or rice cake could be given, but they were shouted down. A brave person said that reheated left-overs might not be particularly tempting, and then all hell broke loose with everyone insisting just how delicious their food was, even when it was hours old and zapped in the microwave.

@Eastie77

The recent thread with an OP terrified because a 60 yr old local man is peering at her through a window and sending her blank cards was running for about 15mins before someone suggested "he probably has dementia"

Plus the other 50% saying that he was clearly a rapist looking for his next victim and she should send The Boys In Blue around to Sort Him Out and he's really young and would easily be able to run marathons, climb in through top floor back windows and dispose of her body without breaking into a sweat.

Strange, considering that anybody over 34 being weird, creepy, annoying, standing up for themselves, grumpy, considering pregnancy or just saying no to their DIL is generally dismissed as demented and probably about to drop dead of old age (or 'worse' - of having Autistic babies if they've dared to consider reproducing).

Carrying the mental load of running a home is huge and exhausting, perhaps because of the mysterious "admin" tasks that take up hours per day. But the mental load of being the sole financial provider for a family is non-existent.

Paid work involves no stress or effort and is mostly sitting around drinking coffee, while anyone at home with children doesn't have time to pee.

@ZoeTurtle the scuttling back & forth in confusion when I flip that and point out I went back to work & DH stays at home is incredible. Somehow neither of us pull our weight (even though we're perfectly happy) and I should still LTB

[quote Nohomemadecandles]@ZoeTurtle the scuttling back & forth in confusion when I flip that and point out I went back to work & DH stays at home is incredible. Somehow neither of us pull our weight (even though we're perfectly happy) and I should still LTB [/quote]
I would imagine he's a cocklodger then. And that need to raise your bar.

OP: I think my friend is committing benefit fraud - she receives £xx per week and a single person benefit and goes on holiday to Florida every 6 weeks for 3 weeks at a time, and works as a nail technician cash in hand. Her boyfriend stays over 5 nights a week and pays for their food.i dont know whether to report her...?
Other posters; you dont sound much of a friend...
OP : well when I say friend, we're not great friends more like acquaintances- she did my brothers gf nails once so that's how I know her (but happen to know every detail of her circumstances and finances!)

I told DH I wanted an Indian takeaway however he wants Chinese!

Mumsnetters: This is manipulation. This man is ABUSING you, get some self respect.

@RoSEbuds6

The child feeding threads are enlightening, they veer from profligate amounts of vegetables, to an almost puritanical expectation that children must not be 'pandered' to. Toddler doesn't eat their dinner? They must eat nothing else for the rest of the day. If they complain about being hungry dinner must be reheated and given again. Pages and pages of a grim determination to make their child eat something they don't want to eat. One kind-hearted soul did suggest maybe a glass of milk or rice cake could be given, but they were shouted down. A brave person said that reheated left-overs might not be particularly tempting, and then all hell broke loose with everyone insisting just how delicious their food was, even when it was hours old and zapped in the microwave.

I remember reading that thread around the time that I was watching a very, very old film Spring and Port WIne, about a girl who wouldn't eat her herring and the problems it caused.

@Iyiyi

Everyone has a husband and children who “wouldn’t dream” of doing xyz, whatever problem the OP has.

Men wanking is grim, men looking at or thinking about any other women is cheating.

Presumably if the woman is pleasuring herself it's his fault for not satisfying her.