To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

If one's male partner expresses any need for personal downtime or to pursue a hobby once kids are in the picture, he's automatically a 'pathetic manchild, why did you have children with this man OP?'

@iyiyi there was a poster who did something stupid and her husband shouted at her. Granted no-one likes being shouted at. Everyone saying their husband never shouts. Tbh what OP did was so stupid that even I was tempted to shout at her.

On MN it is only acceptable to have (2.5) children in your early thirties. Younger is chavvy and older is selfish.

This does not work for me.

"Are you in a union"

"Someone across the road put their landing light on at 3am. AIBU in thinking this is extremely odd?"
"Log it with the police. They would want to know about this."

LTB for me! A lot of the time, I think people seem to think it's completely OK to throw away a perfectly good relationship over one fight/incident. Or they twist what people have said to make it sound like the OP is being "gaslighted". Bonkers!

People also misuse the term gaslight. "My DH and I had an argument. Is he gaslighting me?"

Also misused, "My best friend of 20 years no longer calls me. I think I have been Wendied."

@ZombeaArthur

I find it so sad when a poster writes that a close friend has suddenly turned on her and is now displaying typical bullying behaviour, nasty messages, spreading lies, trying to turn mutual friends against them... and several people reply telling the OP that they both sound like teenagers. I’m left wondering what on Earth the OP has done to make them sound like a teenager when they’ve posted nothing remotely juvenile about they own behaviour. The ‘advice’ is always to walk away from all of their friends, like cutting off your entire friendship/ support network is so easy, especially when you’re being victimised by someone you had considered a close friend.

Which reminds me that on MN no one has friends anyway because they are too needy and they only want to concentrate on their own little family.

If anyone annoys you in any way you get "it doesnt sound like you like them very much"

“Don’t you know there’s a GLOBAL pandemic?”

Sniffing about how "adults" aren't allowed to celebrate or do anything vaguely fun.

"Oh, you expected someone to wish you a happy birthday? Do ADULTS still celebrate birthdays?" tinkly laugh
"Your husband spent half an hour playing video games last night? How IMMATURE. My husband BURNED his consoles as soon as he turned 18 because he's an ADULT."

Also yes to the weird competitive friendlessness.

Ah yes, the competitive friendlessness! It baffles me! People claiming they don't make friends with any neighbours, work colleagues, fellow school mums, or people they meet at hobbies and activities. It's so strange!

The magical 18th birthday.
If you're not tending to their every need up until age 17 and 364 days, don't you understand that they are a CHILD.
Once they're 18 and they leave a cup in their room: I CAN'T BELIEVE you're allowing an ADULT to treat you like that in your OWN house, you must write a letter to the council telling them you've asked them to leave.

That’s rude
How rude
Did you mean to be so rude

so much rudeness about that I had no idea about

'Learn to drive and get a better job'. Yes, because all women have access to £3000+ for lessons, childcare for the lessons, money for the Theory Test, money for the licence itself, money for the test, then, if they passed said test, money for a car, money for tax, money for insurance, money for a parking permit, money for petrol, money for maintenance and repairs.

'No excuse for not having learned earlier'. Like every parent has the money to pay for the above for a 17 year old, all women have earned enough to pay rent, food, bills, clothes and travel to work.

'Make your mother give up her council flat and move into a houseshare to save money'. When a private houseshare is £1200 a month and the council rent is £650. 'It'll save the taxpayer money compared to a free flat'. No, it won't, it'll cost the taxpayer more because the LHA rate is higher than that paid in housing benefit and she is more likely to qualify for the housing element of UC now she's living somewhere more expensive.

Much as I enjoy the S&B board and the people on there are lovely, there's never a 'looking good in Primark' thread - it's all expensive brands and generally stop at a size 12-14. Except Sainsbury's. I don't know what Sainsbury's stocks in their area, but in mine it's all stuff my mother would wear in 1987. And soooo much cosmetic 'tweaks' that nobody can ever tell have been done. Thanks for the advice for tear trough fillers, I'm sure it will help somebody, but I'm more in the market for what will cover the black circles for under £15, ta very much. Lots of 'wear white trainers to your job with a strict professional dress code' advice and slagging off of all footwear that is suitable for somebody who has joint or foot problems. Yes, I get that they aren't pretty. But I like being able to walk and not be put on a disciplinary for disobeying instructions about footwear that are literally in my contract.

Have amazing sex with DH about ten times a day, zero debt and earn over £100k (although don’t consider this an especially high wage.) 😂

"Help my DH snuffles donkey knob on the weekend but he's SUCH a good dad how could I ever leave him???"

Every. Damn. Time.

There is no bigger crime on MN than an affair, murder and rape are lesser crimes! The absolute worst criminal is the dreaded ‘OW’ who has super powers to lure blissfully happy husbands.
OP - My lovely DH had an affair for 10 years but it was that evil OW who made him do it, my poor DH was powerless to avoid her enchanted vagina. We had 3 relate sessions but realised our marriage was perfect and we are now are stronger than ever.

Teachers are only marginally better than OW. They are all lazy bastards and have spent every single lockdown just setting worksheets from Twinkle. The average MN’s need for their DC to be in school is far more important than the risk of covid to teachers. How dare the lazy fuckers suggest that they might not feel safe in school! All said from posters fortunate enough to be able to work from home since last March!

"Is 35 too old to have a baby?"

"Sorry to say OP but yes I do think that is too old. I had all of mine when I was 3 and now I'm a great great great great great grandmother. I just wouldn't have the ENERGY at 35. I don't know anybody who had a baby at 35 and quite frankly it's not fair on the child because they will end up a young carer at 10 when you are on your deathbed at 45."

And repeat.

@Baws

There is no bigger crime on MN than an affair, murder and rape are lesser crimes! The absolute worst criminal is the dreaded ‘OW’ who has super powers to lure blissfully happy husbands. OP - My lovely DH had an affair for 10 years but it was that evil OW who made him do it, my poor DH was powerless to avoid her enchanted vagina. We had 3 relate sessions but realised our marriage was perfect and we are now are stronger than ever.

Teachers are only marginally better than OW. They are all lazy bastards and have spent every single lockdown just setting worksheets from Twinkle. The average MN’s need for their DC to be in school is far more important than the risk of covid to teachers. How dare the lazy fuckers suggest that they might not feel safe in school! All said from posters fortunate enough to be able to work from home since last March!

This... mumsnet gives off real Ryan’s daughter energy when it comes to OW. 😂 never any nuance when it comes to understanding why someone might possibly have an affair.

Teachers are only marginally better than OW. They are all lazy bastards and have spent every single lockdown just setting worksheets from Twinkle. The average MN’s need for their DC to be in school is far more important than the risk of covid to teachers. How dare the lazy fuckers suggest that they might not feel safe in school! All said from posters fortunate enough to be able to work from home since last March!

I've seen a lot of teacher bashing on here but the average MN teacher works 20 hours day, 6 days a week (only 5 days a week in school holidays) and has to choose between saying hello to their child or going for a wee in their 3 minutes of spare time. And all want to leave the profession because it is so miserable. This bears no resemblance to the teachers that I know who have time for their children, hobbies (even cycling!) and holidays, and generally seem to quite enjoy their jobs.

@Exhausteddog as a teacher totally agree with you.

Also, the school gate dramas with other mums. I am a parent and I have never experienced these. Everyone I know has kids and never an issue with other parents are the school gate. Am sure someone could make a whole show about MN dramas at the school gate.

Using bad colloquialisms to show that you are ‘most definitely down with the kids, innit!’

And banging wistfully on about how many drugs you ingested during the 90s. “We were all doing it daaring. You just have had a very boring and sheltered time in your 20s.” Tinkly little laugh.

When someone uses a completely non-offensive term, usually ‘hubby’ and gets pages of replies complaining about the use of ‘hubby’.

When someone posts about their partner’s hobby but doesn’t specifically state what it is (not the ‘it’s too outing’ posters, just not stated because it isn’t important) and they get inundated with replies trying to guess the hobby or complaining that the OP didn’t say what it is. I don’t know why it matters whether it’s cycling or knitting, the problem is that he spends every evening and all weekend doing it rather than spending time with his family.