To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

Everyone lives in a quite cul-de-sac.

We had a neighbour who actually through his belongings out! This was pre-MN and back when we were living in a flat and they were across from us. There was shouting on a Sunday afternoon and the door going and his stuff started to appear in the stair, unbagged. Then a couple of hours later it was all bagged up.

He had been cheating.

She took him back, though.

This thread is an absolute geg.

My favourite (well, biggest peeve) is when posters come on looking for help and show an immense level of vulnerability. And then the entire first page of posts are users clinging onto a tiny detail in the story they didn’t like, completely missing the point of the thread, and then bullying the user until they leave the site.

Happens so often. Really fucks me right off.

Also hate the posts where people openly admit to being curtain twitchers over the last year. Giving off about Anne down the road, who’s 90 and a widow, having two visitors a week. Get a bloody grip.

No she was definitely in Paris by the descriptions. And she was/is a stepmother iirc. Lots of talk about the ex-wife and STep DCs.

You have discussed marriage therefore you are engaged.

I used to love Bonsoirs post, and then someone mentioned that she was really the construct of a man living in a basement in Croydon.

I find the whole trend towards typing 'This.' as the end of a quote of a post annoying for some reason. It has a sanctimonious ring to it IMO, like someones is folding their arms a the same time.

Other cliches are - a husband has the gall to raise his eyebrow at the spending of £400 on a hairdryer and he is a controlling or abusive.

Everyone has a massive island in their kitchens which are at least 12 feet long, and hewn from a local granite quarry.

People also regularly spit their tea out or wet themselves when they find posts amusing and at the same time promptly vomit when there is mention of en suite bathrooms, mould, or any kind of dirt.

Leave the bastard

We cook everything from scratch

We never have a takeaway

@EmbarrassingAdmissions

My favourite variation on LTB is PTB (Patio…).

Phrases I like:
DH's dressing gown of doom
Shuffling slippers of sickness (or something)

I think it was the slipper shuffle of despair. 🙂

@KarensChoppyBob

No she was definitely in Paris by the descriptions. And she was/is a stepmother iirc. Lots of talk about the ex-wife and STep DCs.

Oh, yes, the ex was Cruella. I'll bet she was fat, too.

Any thread with a child who is a restrictive eater and OP wants advice: "be stricter, OP, he eats what he's given and don't offer anything else, he won't starve himself" totally missing the point that some children really will starve themselves.

Everyone is a bloodhound who can smell fabric conditioner from 100 paces, scented sanitary towels (as though anyone uses them) in another building and will collapse into a vomiting mess if anyone eats hot food indoors within the same postcode.

I think it was the slipper shuffle of despair

And the questionable jogging bottoms of misery.

Was the French lady made up?I always thought it reeked of bogus.
All the affectations and being conspicuously rich and thin in Paris, I suspected It was tea stained track suit wearing Betty from Sunderland.

"We never have a takeaway"

"why would anyone waste money on Domino's when you get a pizza the size of a satellite dish and a skip full of salad for £3.50 from Asda and it's SO much nicer????" No it's not, don't talk shit.

People also regularly spit their tea out or wet themselves when they find posts amusing and at the same time promptly vomit when there is mention of en suite bathrooms, mould, or any kind of dirt

The same people wake the baby/their DH because they’re snorting or howling at posts

@JaimeLeeCurtains

Our surname is Smellhole. It's Spanish

Pronounced Zhme-yolé ? I like it 👍

Can’t let this genius post slip by without acknowledging it. Very funny

@NuniaBeeswax

Everyone is a bloodhound who can smell fabric conditioner from 100 paces, scented sanitary towels (as though anyone uses them) in another building and will collapse into a vomiting mess if anyone eats hot food indoors within the same postcode.

People don't eat, either. They slurp, chomp, shovel in food, inhale, crunch (everyone has misophonia). And you need to wash your bra every time because MNers can smell it.

Yes they have a greater sense of smell than a police sniffer dog
Cannot enter a dwelling if anyone has used febreeze or Lenor as it induces a seizure

"People don't eat, either. They slurp, chomp, shovel in food, inhale, crunch (everyone has misophonia)."

This only applies to fatties though. Everyone else nibbles delicately at their HUGE FUCKING SALAD before declaring themselves "stuffed" and unable to eat for the rest of the year.

Everyone has emetophobia too. It couldn’t possibly be that (like everyone else) they find the smell, look and sound of puke/puking gross, no, they’re actually emetophobic.

"While walking through the park today am ancient Labrador dog glanced sideways at my child and we had to throw ourselves into the path of an oncoming cyclist to save ourselves from this rabid, out of control beast. AIBU to think that all dogs should be nuked from space?"

The dinners are really elaborate and handmade
Sage and Parmigiano Reggiano cheese parcels,drizzled with unfiltered olive oil
Venison, sweet potato served with a meaty jus
Accompanied by Heaps,mountains,tonnes,bucket of veggies and a crunchy salad

You forgot the CRUSTY BREAD and REAL BUTTER.

Yes,I’m remiss there’s always real butter and crunchy bread
Their kids all eschew takeaway and don’t like fast food,they love cabbage & pinto bean surprise the best

"you are a complete idiot" (having not actually read or understood the OP)

"you are a CF and should just FOAD" (why is that necessary to anyone?)

must admit I did love the recent CF thread where someone started chatting on about get a cat flap installed....

If someone posts ‘I’ve decided to treat myself to some fast food, but can’t decide between McDonald’s or Burger King. Which do I go for?’, it’s obligatory for someone to say ‘Eurgh, neither - that’s grim. How can you call that a treat?’ Or, to go the extra mile, ‘McDonald’s is not food. Why would you eat that when you could have something lovely and fresh?’

These people are seemingly incapable of thinking ‘I don’t like either, so not much point in me answering this question’.