To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

"I used to love Bonsoirs post, and then someone mentioned that she was really the construct of a man living in a basement in Croydon."

no, Bonsoir was a real person living in Paris. I have an MN friend who is definitely real, and was also living in Paris, who knew her. She wasn't quite as bad in RL as she was on MN, apparently!

@NuniaBeeswax

"While walking through the park today am ancient Labrador dog glanced sideways at my child and we had to throw ourselves into the path of an oncoming cyclist to save ourselves from this rabid, out of control beast. AIBU to think that all dogs should be nuked from space?"

nuked and muzzled before that.

I'm both disappointed and happy to hear that @ThumbWitchesAbroad. In my mind the Croydon man smoked and wore a stained vest.

All the Covid stuff. No one I know in rl behaves like this and we all went out as soon as places opened in the summer. I saw my family at Christmas and have had workmen and the cleaner in.

All the stuff around booze. We all love a drink and it's a big part of our social life.

@NuniaBeeswax

"While walking through the park today am ancient Labrador dog glanced sideways at my child and we had to throw ourselves into the path of an oncoming cyclist to save ourselves from this rabid, out of control beast. AIBU to think that all dogs should be nuked from space?"

😂

You’re a cool wife if you think your husband is entitled to wank in his bed rather than insisting on banishing him to the bathroom. And heaven forbid the man might fantasize about someone other than you while doing it!

You're also a "cool wife" if you're OK with your
partner watching porn, because you don't subscribe to the view that porn WILL turn EVERY man into an abusive sex pest who will never respect you again.

@RoSEbuds6

I'm both disappointed and happy to hear that *@ThumbWitchesAbroad*. In my mind the Croydon man smoked and wore a stained vest.

I'm sure your Croydon man does exist, RoSEbuds6 - just maybe posts as someone else instead. Makes a change from the hairyhanded Dave the Trucker, anyway!

@NuniaBeeswax

"While walking through the park today am ancient Labrador dog glanced sideways at my child and we had to throw ourselves into the path of an oncoming cyclist to save ourselves from this rabid, out of control beast. AIBU to think that all dogs should be nuked from space?"

Alternatively :

My large breed dog pounced on someone's disabled child today, knocked them into the mud, stood on them and licked them. They cried and the mother shouted at me.

MY DOG IS JUST BEING FRIENDLY PEOPLE NEED TO EDUCATE THEIR CHILD ABOUT DOGS IF THE CHILD IS SCARED OF DOGS THEY NEED AVERSION THERAPY ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT OR MY DOGS AND I AM VERY ANNOYED SHE SHOUTED HOW DARE SHE?

I thought she was real too as she was tres bien a la langue francaise. Bof.

I love 'Get rid!!' if only it was so easy....

One of my faves is just popping up up now on a thread started by a distressed lockdown poster, describing a filthy room courtesy of her teen DS. Not even a bedroom, a communal room:

'Just shut the door and leave them to it.'

@Bellabluea

Please help me name my baby -

Eugenia
Petunia
Virginiana
Elspeth

Or
Eg Daisy
MN - oh it’s too common have you thought of marguerite.
Always amuses me.

Or;

"Am I mad for planning on naming my child this..."

Then, to not be "outing", gives a series of hints, clues, or rhymes what the name is like, instead of just actually giving the name and making it easier for everyone.

Let me just guess the name? Is it fucking Rumpelstiltskin?

Mine is a recent one. The amount of posters declaring the end of birthday candles on cakes because of covid is ridiculous. I know no one in real life since the start of the pandemic who has stopped candles on a cake!

I like a name thread
Need a name that begins with P

Our other children are called Wundaweb and Gourd
On the list are
Persimmon
Ptolemy
Persil
Pterodactyl
Parsimonious
Pyloric stenosis
...everyone muses and approves as well they’re nice middle class unusual but not too weird or out there. At mere suggestion of Patrick a riot breaks out. It’s common, uncouth. And Patrick misses the point how is one to mark nones child out as middle class and entitled if they don’t have a poncy name that references science,medicine or philosophy

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

@hopeishere

Russell Group university. Literally only on mumsnet do people mention or give a fuck about this.

I didn't realise I'd been to one till I saw the term on mumsnet!

On the one hand that sounds like a humble brag but on the other it clearly hasn't done me any good since I had to Google it.

Let me just guess the name? Is it fucking Rumpelstiltskin?

Let me just guess the name? Is it fucking Rumpelstiltskin? ⬅️funny

Also on name threads the I need a P name to go with my undisclosed surname. Allude to it being unusual but too outing to reveal it . A whole thread of people either demanding to know the name or trying to random guess. Op not being forthcoming regard the unusual and distinctive name. And I’m left thinking if it’s so revealing and out there as a surname why the fuck did you ask?

*hopeishere
Russell Group university. Literally only on mumsnet do people mention or give a fuck about this. 
I didn't realise I'd been to one till I saw the term on mumsnet!

On the one hand that sounds like a humble brag but on the other it clearly hasn't done me any good since I had to Google it.*

Haha same - never heard this term before this thread. Just googled and I have also been to one. Well I never.

Anything less than £100K salary is, frankly, pennies and how does one send a child to private school and afford other entirely basic essentials on such a pittance.

No one sends their child to nursery full time and certainly not before 2 years old.

People coming onto mumsnet to ask if they should seek urgent medical attention. Really?

No one watches or has TV on in the background around a child until they’re at least 5.

I’d never heard of RG uni til mn. Who knew?
And it’s not routinely discussed in work . We will ask where did you train but that’s it

Dh/do who works full time should do as much as a SAHP. When they get home they need to get working and take over. They deserve zero breaks

Going out to work (probably bloody hard because of course he's a MN DH so earns a six figure salary) is a break and a holiday remember 😂

Irrespective of his hard work is or how many hours the worker should immediately snap into childcare mode upon returning home. They should present their goddess of a woman with food and gifts after all she grew a baby

Everyone has an impossibly high standard of cleanliness on MN & cleans their house & washes their clothes & sheets daily.
MNetter’s children are always impeccably behaved, in bed by 7pm & ‘wouldn’t dream of doing x,y or z because they have been brought up with discipline.’
As well as the many MANY threads about useless DH’s, abusive DH’s & disgustingly slobby DH’s (my favourite was the one who made the sofa cushion smell of farts ) there also seem to be a lot of threads recently about what people find attractive in a man & suddenly everyone on MN has super hot, sexy DH’s that still give them butterflies.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Irrespective of his hard work is or how many hours the worker should immediately snap into childcare mode upon returning home. They should present their goddess of a woman with food and gifts after all she grew a baby

She didn’t just grow any baby though, she grew his baby, remember! He needs to be forever grateful and accede to her every whim for the rest of his life