To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

@WonkyCactus

"Why don't you learn to drive?" when the poster is asking about something completely unrelated to their ability to get themselves from A to B.

This one is particularly irritating. Not everybody is suited to being a driver. I am not. I'm nervous, prone to lapses in concentrating and would be a danger on the road. I can recognise this, and so I use buses or walk. Perhaps they would rather I crashed because I went onto auto pilot or panicked?

Hordes of people everywhere.. in supermarkets, parks, towns, beaches, walking past houses...

The horror of families living in pretty normal places.

Children only going to Outstanding schools

Put all of his stuff in bin bags and dump them outside the house. Oh and change the locks.

Said no one who has ever been in this situation.

"Just move house " never mind the fact that you'll blow at least £20k in stamp duty, legal and moving costs and then have to do up another house ...

"Just get new friends". Erm, really not that easy especially if you're shy and awkward like me plus it being evident from all the posters d isgustedly declaring on mumsnet that they have their "own friends" already and no interest in even talking to anyone at the school gate who might be a new friend. Where are these ready made "new friends" waiting? Under a gooseberry bush?

"My husband wouldn't have his career success without me sacrificing my earning power". Doubt it. I'm the main earner in my household and my husband didn't sacrifice anything for my success. He was busy with his own full time job last time I looked.

Nobody watches daytime tv. Even then they only watch the news or documentaries.

@firstimemamma

Any - literally any - problem to do with a baby can be magically fixed by using a sling.

And 'wearing' said baby! Claiming never, ever putting the baby down, having it out of your sight, taking it to the loo/shower all the time. Being astonished that the said child finds going to nursery or school difficult, they have the newly invented 'separation issues', apparently if it's an 'issue' that makes it more serious.

99% of MN seem to be hermits introverts and hate speaking to colleagues , neighbours, family, friends (in RL and on the phone), would find it a chore to go to a wedding, dont answer the door etc ....but none of this has had any impact on them getting a 100k a year job with bonuses. that they can do from home

Most of mn have dp who earn huge salary but he can’t open correspondence,or shop.
He needs his partner to shop,run the house,buy birthday cards,buy his clothes otherwise this high earning corporate genius would leave the house looking like he fell out a bin

"he just doesn't see mess like I do"

Sure love, keep telling yourself that

Heaps of veggies. With every meal. No one ever has a beige dinner of happy faces and crispy pancakes

‘fuming’
‘they might be autistic’ as explanation for anyone being a dick.

‘Speak to the Head’ about any minor issue their kid has at school.

First prize goes to: ‘I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.’ 🤢

That you have to fit into one of two tribes: either those who confront people belligerently over every perceived slight or misdemeanour (otherwise you’re being a doormat) or those who shake and tremble because their child’s birthday card from grandma arrived a day late (otherwise you’re lacking in empathy).

Being a vegetarian household and wanting your children to follow a vegetarian diet is ‘imposing your views on your child’.
Well, yes, and...? So is being a omnivorous (is that even a word?) household and cooking meals which have meat in them.

I am always surprised by how much mumsnet seem to be against vegetarianism. I find it really jarring.

Fruit being bad for kids because it’s ‘full of sugar’. It’s not crack, calm down Karen.

‘You sound angry’ - as though anyone posting slightly hyperbolic petty grievances on aibu is a raging bear in their real life.

Over diagnosing people as a ‘narc’. Pretty sure the diagnostic criteria for a personality disorder isn’t ‘mother in law who buys children plastic toys that don’t match DIL’a Instagram theme’.

I will say though, I am guilty of having salad with the majority of my meals! I just really like salad and the more ‘massive’, the better in my opinion.

(I’m a size 16 though, so I don’t do all the competitive under eating that most do ok here. I just really like salad and vegetables).

‘I wouldn’t dream of doing/saying XYZ...’

Apparently it’s not enough to say you wouldn’t do or say something if you’re an MNer. You have to demonstrate your pearl-clutching horror at the very idea of such a thing.

In any case, who DOES dream of doing any of these supposedly awful, or at least less than impeccably mannered, things? ‘I wouldn’t dream of telling my parents they weren’t welcome unless they telephoned first...’ Who are all these people who sit around dreaming about doing it, but never actually do? Are the people who wouldn’t even dream somehow better than them?

Call him out.
Call her out.
Call them out.
Call it out.
Called out.

This is always said as if the person ‘called out’ will crumble once confronted, leaving the scene a broken man/woman. They’ll never fight back or tell you to stuff it up your jacksy, no.

I saw a thread once about adult children calling their parents mummy or daddy. One woman said a group of lads taking the piss out of her 20 year-old in the supermarket car park because he called her mummy. She ended her post with ‘He called them out on it’, proud as punch. Well, I bet they were quaking in their fucking boots.

No-one was fat in the 1950s. They had self-control then and there was no vanity sizing. Vanity sizing is the root of all evil and if you wear a size 12 now, you're probably a great big moose who would have been at least a size 24 in the '80s.

A few years ago, it wasn't '50s women who were all slim and had loads of self-control, it was French women.

Oh years ago there used to be a pompous French poster she was obsessed with thinness,class and manners
her posts were always deliciously exaggerated tales of being thin in Paris

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

You’re like flat mates, said to any woman who doesn’t have a joint account with her dp A woman who maintains financial autonomy is to be sneered at and told she’s not in a proper relationship

And also 'He's not your partner, he's just your boyfriend' if a couple don't happen to live together.

You’re a cool wife if you think your husband is entitled to wank in his bed rather than insisting on banishing him to the bathroom. And heaven forbid the man might fantasize about someone other than you while doing it!

All money is family money, only when it benefits the woman for it to be that way. All money is certainly not family money when the financial advantage would accrue to the man. These men are cock-lodgers.

Yes, a partner is a flighty thing who’ll inevitably leave you for someone else
Mn dictat is Men marry women they love,everything else is a fling.

There was a hilarious wedding reception thread a bride wasn’t inviting female partners they were deemed mere girlfriend. The logic was no ring,no bring

For a friend or relative's birthday, no-one just buys a present they think said person would like and hopes that they enjoy it. They agonise over gifting. If you have gifted something to someone, you have the right to ask for it back at any time in the next 50 years and you must be consulted if the receiver wants to pass on, sell or dispose of said item in the next 50 years.

Threads about deliberately noisy and/or unpleasant neighbours where some bright spark will suggest that the OP puts her own music on at full blast from 7am and then goes out for the day because that won't escalate an already tense situation, will it?

Any thread where people are discussing an issue that predominantly effects women and some dickhead will feel the need to weigh-in with some variation of "as a man I have never experienced this so let me tell you all the ways in which you have misinterpreted this issue".

Any thread where someone is struggling financially or where benefits are being discussed will have someone, or several someones say, "well why did you have two (or more) children!?" when that comment is totally redundant seeing as the children already exist. Should the OP shove them back up her chuff and reabsorb them or just boot them out onto the street to fend for themselves?

Bonsoir par chance HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee?

I always assumed the French thin manners lady was really from somewhere like Kendal.