To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

Needing to find a "school hours job" because you've apparently never heard of wraparound/childminders (or your little darlings can't possibly go there).

Masses of children are exceptionally bright, talking in full sentences at 1, reading fluently at just turned 3. Matched equally by people claiming their kid didnt know so much as the alphabet until 7 and is now at oxbridge etc.

Children are “strong willed” or “not a sheep” when actually they’re horribly spoiled

You are never allowed to complain about the price of anything esp school uniform and school trips as you should have known,thought, planned and budgeted for this before having children.

You sound like hard work OP.

And the absolute blind refusal to believe that, at points, working is genuinely not financially viable.
"You need to get a job"
You should take whatever is available"
"Have you ever thought about care work"
Minimum wage plus childcare for 3 kids ( forty five quid a day just for breakfast and After school club) seems perfectly reasonable from your comfy office chair.

Also if you dared to have your DC any younger than say mid thirties you are no doubt an illiterate unemployable scrounger with no higher qualifications, couldn't ever have travelled a lot, esp to anywhere far-flung, totally missed out on all partying and if you said you're in a happy stable relationship with their father still, you're an inveterate liar to boot.

Oh yes, no one is allowed to be average and go to a big standard comp. Even though statistically that's what the vast majority of people do.
I once described my child as average ability and was told it was because I lacked drive and ambition for my children 😁

Women who suspect their DH / partner of having an affair who decide to check their phone need to mags endless excuses for doing so ie

I have never once done this before
Or
I know this is wrong but I decided to check his phone. I know I shouldn't have but....

Really? Surely it's just common sense in these circumstances to do so? Why wouldn't you? Particularly given than 9/10 people seem to find out that their 'D'H is up to no good!

*make

Oh and

I KNOW my Dh would never cheat on me/ go to a strip club etc

Response : I don't know that anyone can ever say / know that for sure

I just know. He's always been v anti cheating / strip club and we are very together on this. He just wouldn't.

Really?

You can't suggest anything other than a plain white box or a shaker style kitchen in home decoration as it will "date very quickly".

Apparently we're not supposed to enjoy our homes while we live in them, lest the next buyers disapprove of our choices. Even though we are not selling said home.

Name changed for this cos it's outing.
Goes on to describe utterly non identifying dilemma

"Big red flag, run for the hills."

Why did you have children if you couldn’t afford them? Usually as a reply to a post about being left with no money and children over the age of 10.

Get a nanny/au pair/ cleaner.

"I didn't want to read and run".

What is the point in saying this?

When anyone posts about finding life as a new mother hard it never takes more than 3 posts before the word 'relentless' is used.

"On my knees" always sounds over dramatic.

People "wrangling" toddlers / small children - makes them sound like a bag of eels - always sounds so exaggerated.

To someone without children who dares to post; "I hope you don't mind me saying but why are you posting on Mumsnet, a PARENTING forum"...

@Crabbyboot

"Big red flag, run for the hills."

I love "run for the hills".

@JaimeLeeCurtains

OP: 'I'm a single mum with a shitty zero hours minimum wage job, can't pay the gas bill and the baby's nursery just closed.'

Replies:
Can you increase your hours at work? No. How the fuck does that even happen?
Do you have any savings you can fall back on? No. Behave.
Surely the baby's father will have to step up. Now you're just taking the piss. I'm on my fucking own here. Struggling.

Yes! But even the fact you do work shows you did not 'cut your cloth accordingly' in order to be there 24/7 in baby's formative years

If a spa day isn't possible then "5 minutes with a cup of tea" will solve all...

@Wishimaywishimight

"I didn't want to read and run".

What is the point in saying this?

To be fair, i think that one is OK when people have clearly opened a thread where the OP is distressed and they can't answer their question, but want the OP to know their message has been read. It also can act as a bump so that hopefully someone in a better position to andwer might see it.

I do love the ones who suggest OP just ‘gets a job’ or increases their hours or similar. As if it’s so easy with a global pandemic and a recession My friend has struggled to even get voluntary work in an area she has a MA in, getting any kind of work is so hard!

I have to say, I've not personally seen the spa day suggestion made seriously for years.