To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

Loo brushes are the devil's work

@cherry2727

My dh has a hobby which I can't mention as I may be identified!

Hate, hate, hate this one!!!!!

That particular one appears to have disappeared in these Covid times, I always used to think Dogging,

Have you read "Why Does he Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft?

FPMSL

Also agree with anyone over the age of 50 who says something the OP doesn't agree with and starts a thread about.

could it be early onset dementia

No, they're just a cunt

@FrankButchersDickieBow

Also agree with anyone over the age of 50 who says something the OP doesn't agree with and starts a thread about.

could it be early onset dementia

No, they're just a cunt

The other version is:

1. NDN is behaving oddly

MN 1: Have you even considered he might have MH problems?

1. My NDN is behaving oddly, I think he might have MH problems.

MN 2 : Are you his doctor? Armchair diagnosis or what?

LTB

Good quality everything

Retinol every night

No fruit(juice), starchy foods or sugar shall be given to children UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

Boden / Joules

Louis Vuitton is tacky

Go NC with your DP’s family and preferably your own as well

Oh and real butter and Yorkshire tea.

Go to Aldi for everything else.

Me and DH live in the SE. I have a problem with his hobby obsession but I can't say what it is as it's outing. Cough, cycling. DH works in finance and earns loads more than me because otherwise you shouldn't get married but I earn a nominal 70K contribution to the household finances. We have an au pair who looks like a super model. Yesterday she didn't sluice out the kennels and I am raging.

I can clean a 9 bedroom house in 20 minutes when I get up half an hour before I go to bed. That includes the stables and making the drinking water from scratch. I haven't had a holiday in three weeks and I can't get an ocado slot. FML.

OP, IABU to struggle on 27k in the SE with rent childcare and travel costs?

MN, you do realise that is far more than 75% of us have to live on. We all live on far less and feel incredibly lucky and manage a family holiday or two each year, forgetting to mention they inherited a house, MIL does the childcare and they cycle to work in the cheapest part of the country.

Also the use of "incredibly" in any sentence.

'Are you normally this anxious?'
'That's fucking grim OP' (directed at anyone who goes more than a few hours between showers or wears an item of clothing more than once'
'The North' like everywhere north of Watford Gap service station is all one great big amorphous mass.
'What the actual fuck did I just read?'
'Personally I wouldn't dream of doing that, but hey you do you OP'
If you're over the age of 12 you shouldn't care about your birthday or expect anyone else to care about it.
'Tbh you both sound exhausting' on 'Which one of us is BU?' type threads.
'Have you had your thyroid checked OP?'
Those who 'love' visitors turning up on the doorstep unannounced accusing those who don't of requiring people to 'make an appointment'.
All disability-based misunderstandings can magically be erased by wearing a sunflower lanyard.
'You knew he had kids when you married him.'
Oh, and apparently introverts shouldn't be allowed to exist, we all know they're just doing it for attention anyway.

Please help me name my baby -

Eugenia
Petunia
Virginiana
Elspeth

Or
Eg Daisy
MN - oh it’s too common have you thought of marguerite.
Always amuses me.

@MrsCods - the biscuit is a "no comment" statement. I can't remember it's exact provenance but I believe it was due to possibly Gordon Brown refusing to answer the question of which was his favourite biscuit - it had become a standard question for all the politicians who were doing a live thread on MN at election time (long time ago now, if it was Gordon Brown, probably 2010!)
So the jammy dodger emoji was born.

Fecking meno-brain - ITS exact provenance, no fucking apostrophe required!

The fixation around couples shared/non-shared finances.

Soap vs shower gel debate (seemingly ongoing).

Again, seemingly ongoing discussions about how much people earn, what they do with it, how much/little money that is, compared to whatever else.

The offer of legal advice from someone who clearly has no clue about it.

'Which backpack / handbag should I buy with my 50p / 10 grand budget' - I dunno, try looking at the other threads that come up every week.

Good / crusty bread

The regular amazement at regional differences in accents / words used / house prices, weather, and so on.

From my many years on MN I would say that one of the biggest MN clichés is people starting threads about what constitutes a Mumsnet Cliché.

Endless navel-gazing.

@Shampops

From my many years on MN I would say that one of the biggest MN clichés is people starting threads about what constitutes a Mumsnet Cliché.

Endless navel-gazing.

look out everyone, Alan Bennett has arrived.

I spend £40 on my child at Christmas. What's the point of spending any more?

@JockTamsonsBairns

Have you read "Why Does he Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft?

and

When he shows you who he is, believe him.

Both being standard responses to most threads in Relationships

Definitely.

Aww I actually do love myself a bit of Alan Bennett, @fucknuckle, but if you've been here any amount of time I'm sure you'd agree that endless self-analysis is part of what keeps Mumsnet going.

Do you disagree?

I've always had a bit of soft spot for one of those aggro parking threads. The sort that comes with a diagram.

OP: 'I'm a single mum with a shitty zero hours minimum wage job, can't pay the gas bill and the baby's nursery just closed.'

Replies:
Can you increase your hours at work? No. How the fuck does that even happen?
Do you have any savings you can fall back on? No. Behave.
Surely the baby's father will have to step up. Now you're just taking the piss. I'm on my fucking own here. Struggling.

@Tuscadero

'My 9 year old is still in a rear facing carseat'

HAHAHAH this one made me crease.

Hmmm let me think:

"We have no wine in this house, I've been tee total since I was conceived. I don't even have a drink at Christmas! I'd much rather have water and go for a run to keep my super fit post baby body in check."

Eggs for breakfast. All children must have this always or they will be fat and have had too much sugar. In the real world surely most of the kids have weetabix/cheerios/shredded wheat/whatever. (like mine).

Fruit being bad and sugary and no one should have it.

Preoccupation with Russell Group unis. In reality I don't know anyone who cares and I also know plenty of people with degrees from non-Russell Group unis who are perfectly successful.

Horrific.

Everything less than ideal is horrific.

I don't know what horrific means anymore.

It’s normal to be exhausted, ‘on your knees’ and in constant pain if you’re older than 25 and have a child.

Oh.

And ‘needs more protein’.

Nope.