To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer I thought you get married because you love them and want to be with them. I don’t believe in marriage full stop but I also don’t believe you should get married for security.

'Have you seen a GP about your anxiety OP?'

'Unlimited access to the fruit bowl.'

'did you mean to be so rude' ? yes i did actually... and ?

Another one.

Well he's not going to marry you now op.

If a step m dares to post about a family situation with the husband's ex and or children - they are immediately told to *butt out it's none of their business"

But if same poster were to post and say husband has lost his job should I step in and pay maintenance for said children - *you absolutely must you are family unit"

The 'no' is a complete answer brigade.

Did you mean to be so rude? Fuck yea...and?

The new, shiny Covid cliche is not just that the nasty person shouted/screamed/shrieked but "they did it right up in my face ".

Composing texts and emails for OP to use that no one in their right mind would send:

"DMIL Heretofore and henceforth never darken our door again or pursuant to section 11b of the Mother-in-Law Act 1979 we will call the non-emergency Police number and log it with them before engaging a SHL (shit hot lawyer) and taking you to the Small Claims Court etc etc"

If a step m dares to post about a family situation with the husband's ex and or children - they are immediately told to butt out it's none of their business"

But if same poster were to post and say husband has lost his job should I step in and pay maintenance for said children - you absolutely must you are family unit"

Ohhh yes. It's a hoot being a SM on here let me tell you.

Why is London stealing all our money.
We’ve a bus a fortnight

The scripted mannered mn responses that’d make PG.Wodehouse blush

My neighbour puts their wheelie bin against my fence wwyd?

Well, I’d say...hey you there you filthy reprobate I have children who are grade IV piano and we have no countenance with people who don’t eat their fish fish en papillote or whom casually park their wheelie bin against a varnished wood fence
⬆️ Cue 300 people applauding 👏and agreeing that’s a reasonable response

Give your head a wobble and get your ducks in a row

HTH

This.

Uber hygeine standards-

• MN can smell from 5 metres away if you havent had the requisite 3 showers a day

• Towels, and bedding has to be washed daily

• An ensuite bathroom is "grim/vile/boak" because allegedly everyones DH does stinky poo "literally 3 metres away" every morning/bedtime/middle of the night

• B and M bargains is responsible for about 89% of all covid infections (the rest probably originated from the range)

My favourite variation on LTB is PTB (Patio…).

Phrases I like:
DH's dressing gown of doom
Shuffling slippers of sickness (or something)

@Exhausteddog spot on, I read some mn folk proclaiming they can smell sanitary pads from 2m and it make them convulse so hallucinogenic are the perfume

An ensuite bathroom is "grim/vile/boak" because allegedly everyones DH does stinky poo "literally 3 metres away" every morning/bedtime/middle of the night

I saw this thread. I was in hysterics

Log it with 101.
A and E. NOW!

Anyone who is rude,nasty or thoroughly unpleasant is either suffering from dementia,or has a a mental health problem. On MN,there is no such thing as someone being nasty purely because they are an arsehole.

@Neome

Have my first

I’m so excited I’ve literally never done that!

Please can someone explain this: to me?

Unlimited access to the fruit bowl

^^

I'm yet to see a child voluntarily peel and eat an orange

Back in the day on mn Gordon brown wouldn’t reveal his favourite biscuit.He prevaricated and eventually revealed a vague anything with chocanswer

Unlimited access to the fruit bowl lol as if that’s the zenith of a happy childhood

My dh has a hobby which I can't mention as I may be identified!

Hate, hate, hate this one!!!!!

Have you read "Why Does he Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft?

and

When he shows you who he is, believe him.

Both being standard responses to most threads in Relationships