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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think bad dog owners don't realise that they are bad dog owners?

454 replies

WayTooSoon · 06/02/2021 10:36

Kind of a thread about lots of threads...

Every so often, threads appear on here saying someone's dog ran up to them/their child/their dog and how the owners respond with "it's ok, he's friendly" or similar. What usually follows is a load of posters saying "bad owners give us good owners a bad name". So is mumsnet entirely populated by "good owners" or are people oblivious to their own shortcomings as pet owners? Aibu to think that if someone is a bad owner, it seems likely that they have no idea that other people see them as a bad owner?

Are you now or have you ever been a "bad owner"?

OP posts:
Swiftjogger · 06/02/2021 21:35

As I said...lots of people would never take on a rescue or consider what other people are going through.

Good job some people pick up the pieces and take on ‘unruly dogs’ .

whenwillthemadnessend · 06/02/2021 21:36

My point is if people were responsible in the first place they wouldn't give up the dog as the pieces fall apart.

Swiftjogger · 06/02/2021 21:40

I have an ‘unruly’ dog and everyone has been really kind. I don’t give a damn about what the cockerpoo brigade think. They can be as smug as they like as they wouldn’t dream of trying to rehabilitate a ‘damaged’ dog.

whenwillthemadnessend · 06/02/2021 21:51

Swift jogger. It's great and very admirable. you have given the dog a second chance but you still miss the point

If all dog owners had to take the responsibility seriously there would be far far fewer problem dogs

Obviously sometimes owners die or ill health means they have to give a dog up which is very sad - but on the whole is because lazy arsed idiots can't be bothered to see though the commitment of lifetime dog ownership and can't be bothered to work at the problems.

Mischance · 06/02/2021 22:11

It is not about hating dogs for many - it is about not wanting to be pestered by them or put at risk - why would people want that?

Because of a medical condition I am at huge risk of further fractures if I get knocked over by a dog - it is no joke for me but a serious danger. Why should a dog lover be allowed to put me at that sort of risk?

tenbananasaday · 07/02/2021 00:29

If you dont want to or don't have the time to put the work in get a cat.

lol, then all the animal haters would be moaning about cats pooping in their garden instead. Can't win...

HikeForward · 07/02/2021 07:54

How do you teach stubborn dogs recall?

On your own land. And you never let them off the lead elsewhere until they’ve got the hang of it!

HikeForward · 07/02/2021 07:58

Occasionally we misjudge and she does get up to people and we apologise profusely and grab her as soon as possible

Sorry, I know you’re trying, but it’s a disaster waiting to happen. What if she runs up to an on-lead dog and gets attacked? Or runs up to a child who screams and runs or a dog-phobic person who panics and whacks her with an umbrella or hiking stick or something?

orangejuicer · 07/02/2021 08:00

To be fair, you could apply this to dog owners, neighbours and parents.

problembottom · 07/02/2021 08:03

As someone who walks in the park with my toddler most days, dogs who run past off lead, who even have a quick sniff of us fine. But I don’t want any dog harassing my toddler or jumping up at me or excessively barking. I think that’s fair enough and 99% of dog owners are great but every now and then a complete idiot comes along who doesn’t seem to understand why I don’t want muddy paws all over my jeans or why my one year old is crying because she’s being circled by a dog three times her size. I imagine they’re just selfish or thick.

whenwillthemadnessend · 07/02/2021 08:39

If you dont want to or don't have the time to put the work in get a cat.

Ha ha I have two cats myself and a dog and bloody hell they are 100 times cheaper and a 1000 times easier to keep.

LolaSmiles · 07/02/2021 08:46

I have an ‘unruly’ dog and everyone has been really kind. I don’t give a damn about what the cockerpoo brigade think. They can be as smug as they like as they wouldn’t dream of trying to rehabilitate a ‘damaged’ dog
I'm not in the cockerpoo brigade but think people should have the appropriate time and resources to train or rehabilitate a rescue dog, if that's what they choose to do.
I don't see why the onus should be on other owners and non dog owners to be 'kind', if being kind is nothing more than a euphemism for 'accept my dog being unruly'.

And FWIW, the only thing that's smug are your posts about how nobody else would do what you do by having unruly rescues and implying people who want well trained dogs are the 'cockerpoo brigade'

CatOnTheStairs · 07/02/2021 08:49

Genuinely good dog owners seem to be a rare breed. And puppies everywhere at the moment don’t let them off the sodding lead until they’re properly trained. What’s actually wrong with people. I have a dog who loves people not so keen on other dogs (the result of an incident when he was younger) I don’t allow him to run up to people and he doesn’t pester other dogs. Why can’t we just have this in return? He doesn’t want to be friends with your dog. He doesn’t want to play. The park is not a dog playgroup. I’m sick to death of other dogs harassing him and jumping all over him and owners just allowing it to happen even when my dog is obviously getting upset. Just yesterday he had a 5 month old Rottweiler twice his size “don’t worry he just wants to play” literally jump on his head while he was on lead. It didn’t go particularly well for the puppy as my dog defended himself and I had 2 dogs rolling around on the floor at my feet. Which resulted in me shoving puppy away with my leather boot clad foot until it was retrieved by shocked looking owner. I then get labelled the bad owner because my dog apparently started the fight. But my dog was on lead and under control. The puppy wasn’t invited “to play”. Jumping all over another dogs head is bad manners end of. This is becoming a frequent occurrence and is ruining our walks. My dog just wants to mind his own business and sniff the ground. He’s not perfect he has many bad habits I could have trained better but I don’t allow him to cause anyone to feel uncomfortable ever.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 07/02/2021 10:21

I don't see why the onus should be on other owners and non dog owners to be 'kind', if being kind is nothing more than a euphemism for 'accept my dog being unruly'.

I see unruly as being a dog that's off-lead and causing a nuisance - running off, jumping at people etc, whereas I think PP is talking about a reactive but controlled on-lead dog.

Some dogs have had bad experiences and will bark or lunge at other dogs. That doesn't mean other people should judge and make snide comments, which is what tends to happen in real life and on here, sadly.

Free3mee3 · 07/02/2021 11:41

nobody else would do what you do by having unruly rescues
It's a bit like she wants a medal for saving an endangered species isn't it....

gutful · 07/02/2021 11:56

It’s the same with parents though isn’t it? The ones who are being the loudest about how they’re such an amazing parents aren’t actually that great.

It’s the ones who think they aren’t doing enough for their kids who are actually the best because they’re trying their hardest & still believe their kids deserve better than what they can give.

so bad dog owners & parents are one in the same to me

ElephantsNest · 07/02/2021 12:29

I agree that some bad dog owners don’t seem to see that they are part of the problem. There’s been a big issue with sheep worrying near me that has arisen since lots of people have bought new puppies. I was talking about it with an acquaintance and she admitted that her dog had broken into the sheep field. Of course she says, “my dog wouldn’t kill the sheep”, but that’s scarcely the point, especially at lambing time. I told her how serious a problem sheep worrying was but she didn’t seem to get it. She seemed to see off lead time on a walk as non-negotiable and sheep welfare or the farmer’s right to make a living from their land as irrelevant. I suggested she keep the dog on a lead but walk for longer, or go somewhere without livestock, but no. Not convenient. Astonishing.

Yohoheaveho · 07/02/2021 13:00

She seemed to see off lead time on a walk as non-negotiable and sheep welfare or the farmer’s right to make a living from their land as irrelevant
Shocking but not surprising
there's a nature reserve near to me which runs through farmland, there are signs up about keeping dogs on leads, but most people evidently feel that of lead time is the dogs right irrespective of livestock
I wonder how they feel if their animal gets shot? Do farmers ever actually do that?

ElephantsNest · 07/02/2021 13:05

@yohoheaveho I think they are legally allowed to shoot the dog if it’s worrying sheep, but that particular farmer said he doesn’t have a shotgun Licence.

Yohoheaveho · 07/02/2021 13:11

My dog wouldn't kill the sheep
Notice how she makes the rules to suit herself, anything less than ripping the animals throat out is just the dog playing and being friendly😳
It's the same everywhere, the cadre of dog owner who regard anything less than GBH as just the dog playing and being friendly

whenwillthemadnessend · 07/02/2021 13:14

Yes unruly is a dog of any age being allowed to run free and run at people despite the situation being unsuitable

Or jumping up at strangers children etc
Being allowed to annoy strangers or friends that might call at the house Hanging around for food or constant tries for attention with guests.

In open countryside I accept off lead dogs may come around the corner and that's fine

In parks with kids lots of other dogs then recall needs to be 100% to risk it.

It's is not a dog that's on lead and under control by owner even if it is a bit reactive. That's fine as it's not a pain for others.

Yohoheaveho · 07/02/2021 13:14

[quote ElephantsNest]@yohoheaveho I think they are legally allowed to shoot the dog if it’s worrying sheep, but that particular farmer said he doesn’t have a shotgun Licence.[/quote]
Given the mood of the nation you think many farmers would fear retaliation if they shot someone's 'fur baby'
That's the thing isn't it.... because many people unconsciously see dogs as equivalent to children, if someone shot the dog thay feel as if someone shot their child
there is no way to sanction these people 😳

tenbananasaday · 07/02/2021 13:19

@Free3mee3

nobody else would do what you do by having unruly rescues It's a bit like she wants a medal for saving an endangered species isn't it....
I find your comment quite depressing. You may not like dogs but they are sentient beings and their lives are worth something. I actually have a lot of admiration and gratitude for someone who takes on a rescue dog with behavioural problems as opposed to just getting a pup. The people who have the time and knowledge to take them are literally a lifeline for that dog who could otherwise face being PTS.

I've only had two dogs in my lifetime, both rescues and both with existing behavioural problems, but on the mild end of it. One was reactive to other dogs which we managed by keeping him on a lead, and the other had separation anxiety and it took lots of work with a behaviourist to overcome this.

I couldn't take on a dog with any more serious problems as I have a child and cats! But thank goodness there are people able and willing to do so as nothing worse than a healthy dog being PTS imo.

Yohoheaveho · 07/02/2021 13:24

Nothing worse than a healthy dog being PTS
Nothing worse than that... really?
Am I to assume that you are a vegan?
Ok taking the time to train and rehabilitate a difficult dog takes patience and effort, these are positive qualities which we should all cultivate.
I try to have patience and effort when it comes to my hobbies and interests but I do it for my own gratification I don't expect to be congratulated by others
it's the same with having pets, it's a hobby, an indulgence, something you do for your own amusement.

Stroppyshite · 07/02/2021 13:32

Yes, I've been a 'bad' dog owner. I am now working towards becoming a dog trainer, so I think I've come a way since then.
I think I used to be oblivious to a lot of the body language of my own dogs and other people's were displaying. I also accepted outdated 'dominance' theory without question.
It's easy to be critical of people, but it's about education. I do struggle now to when I hear/see certain things, but I try and be understanding. There is a lot of misinformation still circling and people often have no understanding of dog behaviour.
A bad dog owner who is aggressive and arsey to others doesn't get any sympathy though.