To ask at what age you put your child in nursery?

[chuckb4ss]

Was it part time or full time, and did you feel it was beneficial for your child?

I've read that research shows babies should be with their primary caregiver for the first few years in order to create a secure, healthy attachment, but I simply cannot last that long!

SAHM - 8months as had horrific PND and health problems. 10 hours a week (Split over two mornings ). With my second and third they were home until 3 and 3.5yrs when funding kicked in.
I do think babies are best cared for by their parents or close family if possible. But for a whole host of valid reasons that isn’t always possible. Happy contented parents usually have happy contented children.

So if you’re struggling and can afford it, then don’t worry about using childcare. Your well-being matters such a lot, both for yourself and for your little one.

DD was 13 months, and she went in for two afternoons. That went up to four afternoons when she was about two, and then she went in for four days then five days. TBH I think five days is a bit much for her at the moment and I often have her out when she's too tired, but I think that is more to do with covid than anything else - it's more stressful than it should be.

When I initially put her in at 13 months what was important to me was that she was walking, so could move around and enjoy it. I wouldn't personally have put a non-mobile child into nursery. And I felt very grateful and lucky I could have her mostly at home with me between 13 months and about two, two and a half. For that period I really felt she benefitted from being at home. After that, really not so much. In fact in the first lockdown I was acutely aware she was suffering because she wanted and needed to be in nursery with her friends. I would guess there's a very wide variation with children in terms of just when they need to be home and when they need to be with other children, but that was our experience.

@HavelockVetinari

It's a bit odd to say your non-verbal child of 6-15 months "absolutely loved it" - how on earth would you know that?! Because they didn't cry at drop-off? Or seemed ok?

Babies of that age are programmed to want their primary caregiver above all others. Cortisol levels rise the longer they're away from said caregiver.

DS went to nursery 3 days per week at 12 months - it was necessary for us as a family - but it was definitely not for his benefit alone. Babies prefer their parents, and don't need socialisation with other infants till 18m+

It's right for parents to do what's best for them as a family, but I don't think it's honest to portray a very early nursery start as beneficial to the child ("he/she LOVED it"). It's always a balancing act, which is why parenting is so bloody tough.

That's a bit absolute, surely?

Some 15 month old children are verbal, so it's surely not a mystery how you'd know they like nursery. My DD wasn't verbal for much longer, but there was a little boy at her nursery who was quite able to say contextually appropriate words at 12 months, and he was saying things like 'I love the trucks [in the nursery garden]' at 18 months.

My DD wasn't verbal in that was but she quite clearly formed bonds with other children - she'd go hug them and cry and cling to them at hometime. That's quite normal; other children did the same.

I really don't think I have vested interests - my DD's mother went back to work when she was 6 months old and when we put DD into nursery we were very glad it was only a small amount of time. But I do wonder if you're seeing what you want to see when you say nursery isn't working well for children under 18 months?

DS started 1.5 days a week at 11mths.
He turned 3 last month and will be doing 2 days per week when he goes back (removed at Christmas due to Covid)

@Mrgrinch people aren't attacking you. They are biting at your ridiculous, goady posts.

If you want to post such ridiculous nonsense then people will argue against it. This is a discussion forum. That is what people do - offer their opinion in response to another person offering theirs.
If any person offers an opinion that is controversial, that is likely to draw a lot more people responding to it.

Six months. Three days a week. Never regretted it. No issues settling

Sending them at 12 months is the worst time to settle into a new environment

12 months with my first, 6 months with my second as I needed to go back to work. They did 3 or 4 days a week depending on my shifts.
They are now 4 and 2.5 and I have no regrets about doing it at all. They both love it there and now do 4.5 days a week as I have changed jobs.

About 13 months for two days a week then we never did more than that until school. He never seemed unhappy and once he could tell us about it he loved nursery. We bumped into his main nursery teacher in a cafe when he was about 18 months and he toddled over and kissed her so that was nice to see.

12/13 months for ours.

My older one is very social and really enjoyed it from the start. The nursery manager said to me "to be honest most of the little ones would rather be at home but he genuinely really loves it here". Some days he cried when we picked him up and kept pointing to go back.

My younger one is more ambivalent about it, honestly he probably would be happier at home until he's older.

But for us it's not just about the kids, it's also about our happiness. Neither of us are cut out to be SAHP so we both work part time to keep the nursery days down to 3 a week and that feels like a good balance.

Mine both went full time, so 5 days 8am-5:30pm at 7/8 months old, and loved it. Neither cried in the settling in period and the eldest will start school in September and in normal times they have a better social life than I do. Nursery for us has worked brilliantly and allowed me to work full time with no concerns about their happiness or development.

9m with ds and 6m with dd. Had to go back to work both times.

I didnt. I waited until
They started part time school nursery at 3.

I loved having them at home. I'm self employed so didn't need to

My DS went to nursery for one day a week to begin with, at 12 months. We increased it to two days when he was 3 because he loved going there and seeing all his friends.

@Mrgrinch you’re not very kind.

[quote Ileflottante]@Mrgrinch you’re not very kind.[/quote]
Because I said it makes me sad for tiny babies to be without their mother for half of their time? Okay then.

I know my 9 month old ‘loved it’ as he was smily and happy at drop off, the nursery would send photos of him happily cruising around and playing with the toys, and he liked the company of other babies. What else was I to think, that he hated it? he went there (in a variety of attendance patterns) until he started school and now at 6 he still has fond memories of it and says ‘there’s my nursery!’ if we drive past.

9 months - 4 days a week.

They loved it

@Mrgrinch - what about being without their fathers? Do they not count in your theories? My DT’s had an equally strong relationship with both DH and I. I would be worried if they didn’t as DH was jointly involved with them - fed them, got up in the night to settle them, bathed them, bought their clothes, selected their nursery and schools etc.

@Mrgrinch because you’ve laid all blame and guilt at the door of mothers. Do you not think fathers are involved?

I’m guessing you and @TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY (Bat Shit Shirley) don’t have to work?

Some women want to return to work, some women have to return to work. I went back to work/study when my child was four months old. I’m quite secure in that. But some women have had to return to work so their children can eat and have a roof over their heads and your archaic backward judgement is entirely unhelpful and yes, not kind.

I won’t tell you what I really think of you, I was being kind.

It's a bit odd to say your non-verbal child of 6-15 months "absolutely loved it" - how on earth would you know that?! Because they didn't cry at drop-off? Or seemed ok?

Because despite using nursery, I have a bond with my children and know them well? Could you not tell when your nine month olds were happy, sad, uncomfortable etc?

It annoys me that I was encouraged to work hard all through school, do my best in exams, get into a good university and do well there, get a good graduate job and work towards my professional qualification. And then in my 30s when I was starting to reap the benefits of that (born financially and in terms of enjoying a fulfilling career), all of a sudden it was "oh... You're going back full-time?".

[quote Ileflottante]@Mrgrinch because you’ve laid all blame and guilt at the door of mothers. Do you not think fathers are involved?

I’m guessing you and @TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY (Bat Shit Shirley) don’t have to work?

Some women want to return to work, some women have to return to work. I went back to work/study when my child was four months old. I’m quite secure in that. But some women have had to return to work so their children can eat and have a roof over their heads and your archaic backward judgement is entirely unhelpful and yes, not kind.

I won’t tell you what I really think of you, I was being kind.[/quote]
To be honest I'm not interested in what you think of me, not in the slightest.

Anyone who feels nothing about leaving their child at four months old is clearly worlds away from me. Leaving them because it's necessary but also wishing you could be with them is one thing, but not caring is just unbelievable.

DS started nursery at 10 months and was there until he started school.
We walk past the nursery on the way to school and he speaks so fondly of his 'first' school and the staff always call out to him and stop for a chat.

Living in a small village has meant he made friends with children who live locally and now they're at school together.

He thrived there and we have zero regrets about sending him. I can't speak highly enough of the nursery and the staff.

If you look Into the research you'll see that the quality of the childcare provider is key. Good quality childcare is beneficial. Also, look at who produced the research as there is a lots of dodgy 'research' out there that has a clear agenda and opinion on the role of women in society.

but not caring is just unbelievable.

Why do you assume parents (sorry mothers 🙄) don't care? It's not so black and white.

18 months for half a day a week and built up to 3 full days slowly. He's 3.5 now and will be starting school in September. My youngest will be starting at 18 months for half a day too, she's just turned one.

@Mrgrinch you’re saying I didn’t care when I put my four month old in nursery? That’s interesting. Where did you read that then?