Head teacher doing “shout outs”

[Atalune]

Head of large secondary is doing positive shout outs for children who are deserving.

And as bloody usual it is the majority of really bloody naughty kids who are doing sweet FA! Or those who are struggling with their mental health ( I do not grudge these)

As an ex teacher I KNOW it is important to motivate the ones who need it. The ones who are low. But I am so fed up.

Dd- she really thought he would get one this week- full marks in the work, work submitted is of a high quality, she’s joined all the lives. SHe’s keen she’s engaged. Did she get one? Nope. Her friend who is doing fuck all and crying all day long and doing no work is getting them all the time.

I DO understand that those who are struggling need more. I do I do. But I am so fed up of the kids who are working hard, doing well. What about them? Always overlooked! And so now she’s crying and saying what’s the point?! It is unfair. I can’t email the school we will look like total brats.

Grrrrr, life isn’t fair.

Just a vent. I’m on the edge today.

I was asked to implement "Star of the Week" at my last school, and I really tried to give it my best shot. But we were told that, no matter what, everybody would get their turn at being Star of the Week, no matter what, and I suspected that it wouldn't take the boys long to figure out how it worked.
Sure enough, they did; far from being positive, it backfired twice over; it was seen as something that came your way whatever, and the decent little grafters felt unappreciated, while reinforcing the notion that rewards would come to some, just because it was their turn.

In full agreement. Both DC are working really hard and never get the "shout out" and although they don't need it and the teachers do send praise privately, it would be nice for them to see their names in lights occasionally.

Our school is not like that, at all. The ones that have done interesting or outstanding work get the recognition. That could still be a low attaining child that has made a great improvement in their efforts or grades though which I would want any school to do. We've not seen much recognition of work during this lockdown, newsletters are all 'keep going!' and motivational stuff to help parents.

Her friend who is doing fuck all and crying all day long and doing no work is getting them all the time.

I voted YABU just for this heartless comment. Your daughter has a friend who is so stressed by this that she's crying all the time and utterly disengaged from learning and you're pissed off that she's having positive "shout outs" for the little progress she is making with her work. FFS.

Email and say that DD had done everything, what else might she need to do to get one next week?
I have to admit to doing this when my DD didn't get the reception bear by May half term and they were giving it to some kids again. I realized after that chances are she had been missed off the list as she changed schools mid year. But I'm glad I asked gently, that teacher had my DD twice and now has my son, so being rude wouldn't have been a good idea!

@Fieldofyellowflowers - I don’t disagree with anything you’ve written at all.

However, I can’t make the world ideal for my children and I can only control what I do and at best influence what other people in my children’s lives do. So I feel that means my energy is best spent helping them work in their resilience. So that in these circumstances, they feel it’s sad and frustrating but equally know their parents will value what they’ve done and they themselves value it so their mind moves on from the disappointment quickly. If lack of recognition from transitory people in your lives causes you to lose motivation and feel there is no point bothering, whether you’re an adult or a child, it’s your own live that’s going to be impacted by that.

OP,
I think you should email the school and ask them why they are so focused on one set of children to the exclusion of another.

I also think that you could definitely give a reward for her excellent work.

This is one thing that is sooooo hard to get right!
I have a daughter who is average at school, she tries hard all the time. Completes all her home work etc. The school 'jobs' always go to the really advanced grown up kids and the recognition awards generally to the struggling kids. She often gets upset as she doesn't feel she is recognised enough.
I have a son who struggles massively at school, he has low self esteem, he is under CAMHs currently for possible ADHD, he has trouble with his working memory. He plays up at school to mask how embarrassed he is about his low abilities. For example he purposefully got kicked out of a maths lesson last week as he had no clue what he was doing. I KNOW other parents think he is rude, lazy & naughty from the way he behaves but a mention, letter home etc goes a long way for him.

Both my children have the same upbringing and support. So hate for people to think school are compensating for my sons home life for example. I don't know what the answer is but I can see it from both sides.

Maybe for some of the struggling kids, the teachers 'shout out' might be the only positive encouragement they get and the school knows that. I'm sure the parents claiming their children get no awards or recognition tell their DC they're brilliant on daily basis, and are not aware of the huge difference it makes. Some DC will have zero encouragement at home.

It’s always been like this - I remember DS raising loads of money for a local food bank in year 6 and getting zero recognition in the “well done” assembly. However, another child got a reward for “making good choices in the playground” aka not being an absolute bully at break time 😂

YANBU at all

In extreme circumstances like today, it is unacceptable.

Fine to show that life isn't fair in normal days. When kids, or teens, are missing out on everything that's fun (no holidays, no clubs, no friends, no social life...) it's out of order.

In normal times I would say that you are that mum, today I would email the school.

Schools should start with the concept that EVERYONE IS STRUGGLING WITH THEIR MENTAL HEALTH.

Just because some are hiding it better, doing less of a drama of it, or even keeping their meltdown private, getting on with life because there's no choice, now is not the time to discriminate.

Society in general is a race to the bottom. When someone is going to stand up and say enough is enough I don't know.

I totally agree. It's almost as though there's a concerted effort to make it this way. People are capable of so much when they're given the right environment. Everything is just so mediocre now.
"little Johnny hasn't brained his classmate with the stapler this week? Yay, well done him".

Dh was telling me that many schools can't enable basic chemistry experiments anymore because the secondary school pupils can't be trusted to behave properly. How pathetic is that?

For children who have stable loving homes, I feel it is better that the message they are given is along the lines of:
Working hard with your own self recognition that that approach will maximise your opportunity to have choices and prospects in the future - this is what I tell my children I feel is valuable.

Agree with this although I am blunter with my DC. OP, how old is your DC? If she's at secondary surely she knows by now that teachers reward a tiny improvement in effort from the low achievers more than consistent good work by the high achievers. Her reward will be when she gets good exam results, gets to a better university and secures a good job where she does well because she works hard.

DD1 commented in the autumn that some kids had done no work during lockdown1 so I said 'what, your friends?' and she said 'no, all of us in the Top Set had worked'. So I told her 'Well, there you go, it's almost like hard work pays off'. I got all the eyerolling but she knows I'm right and is secure in her 'nerd' status.

This is hard, I have two children who were not at their best at school (and got constant encouragement from the school) and two that are very very good at school and get nothing. In fact one of their teachers called to check up on one the other day and I asked how they were doing and the teacher said they had the top score in their class for Math and were doing way above expectations in English. I had no idea. I assumed since there had been no complaints they were doing okay (which I was more than happy with given the circumstances) but there has been no indication that they were doing very well. It won't make me push them hard or anything but it would be nice if the school sent the odd encouragement. I know other children in the class have had postcards and shout outs.

Yanbu. It's utterly shitty when schools do that

Her friend who is doing fuck all and crying all day long and doing no work is getting them all the time.

so the message from the school is "the less you do, the more reward you get". It's not acceptable.

Just because you don't see that someone else is struggling doesn't mean you should abandon them.

I can't remember if it's true, don't emergency services make sure they don't ignore quieter victims of crash because the loud ones are not dying if they can be so loud...

For children who have stable loving homes, I feel it is better that the message they are given is along the lines of:
Working hard with your own self recognition that that approach will maximise your opportunity to have choices and prospects in the future

normally I completely agree

but in the middle of a lockdown, it's not right.

Your daughter needs to try to focus on the full marks as the real 'shout out'. She needs to be her own cheerleader. Much better to work for her own satisfaction than external praise.

This. Encourage your DD to see that internal motivation is the key to confidence and success in life. Not constant validation from others. It will stand her in good stead.

My DH often grumbles about the work-shy people he knows getting lots of handouts/benefits. I understand it's frustrating to see people being "rewarded" for doing fuck all when your alarm goes off at 5am but ultimately who's the "winner" here? Those children most likely won't be. Your DD most likely will be. Focus on the bigger picture.

Ah I love MN sometimes. Thank you for not making me feel like a cow.

And @JustCallMeGriffin this is my friends dd who I have known all their life. I can categorically say that her response is stress induced and she is struggling. We ring her most days, Dd FaceTimes with her to do some of the work. We meet and let the girls walk. I have sent her little silly things in the post. But the HT saying and well done again to for her hard work is a bit of a joke now. She knows it as much as we do!

Anyway you’ve all prompted me to send an email...but I don’t know how to write it. I’m a bit too annoyed yet so the tone won’t be quite right.

I agree with the previous points in terms of the lack of preparation of the real world consequences of poor performance and the need to motivate those who are really trying.

In normal times at my dc's primary, recognition is just a tick box exercise. Each child will get a mention at least once a year but it's based more on whose turn it is next rather than performance, which is meaningless. Even at that age they know when the praise is planned rather than genuine and it means their real achievements go missed. So perhaps there is no ideal solution.

My situation is even worse. DD works very very hard, does everything at her best effort but she’s has additional needs so her work is always on lower level. She also struggles with vision fatigue atm due to medical condition so I have to limit her work time so she doesn’t do extra questions. Teachers do praise her in the lessons when she’s answering and so on and it means a lot for her but she’s never got recognized as a star of the week or something like this, never ever.

I forgot to add that it’s secondary, year 11.

@Atalune

Head of large secondary is doing positive shout outs for children who are deserving.

And as bloody usual it is the majority of really bloody naughty kids who are doing sweet FA! Or those who are struggling with their mental health ( I do not grudge these)

As an ex teacher I KNOW it is important to motivate the ones who need it. The ones who are low. But I am so fed up.

Dd- she really thought he would get one this week- full marks in the work, work submitted is of a high quality, she’s joined all the lives. SHe’s keen she’s engaged. Did she get one? Nope. Her friend who is doing fuck all and crying all day long and doing no work is getting them all the time.

I DO understand that those who are struggling need more. I do I do. But I am so fed up of the kids who are working hard, doing well. What about them? Always overlooked! And so now she’s crying and saying what’s the point?! It is unfair. I can’t email the school we will look like total brats.

Grrrrr, life isn’t fair.

Just a vent. I’m on the edge today.

That type of Head thinks the kids who get those - the badly behaved and annoying ones - are fooled by this. They’re not. They are - of course -revelling in yet another chance to be in the spotlight but I think they know full well this is a charade and that the praise and “awards” they get are meaningless.

They would change places with their motivated and more academic peers if they could.

I hear ya OP. We had this for DS all the way through primary school. He had some "difficult" boys in the class. DS never once in trouble, all work done to a good standard, great attendance and punctuality. A good kid all round. Never once received any public congratulations. Not once. "Difficult" boys were picked for sports teams, tea and biscuits with the head, Governor's awards etc etc.

He is now in a v good grammar school and finally is recognised as a pretty decent kid. Lots of praise, lots of positive emails home etc.

DD is at the same primary school but with a different head. Very different climate now. It can be done and it does matter. But it really does stem from the ethos of the head and the senior team. Not only was DS failed at primary school but so we're the other boys as their behaviour was merely contained rather than properly addressed.