I don’t like this life.

[Maskedminger]

It’s been almost a year, everything changed, am still suffering from covid from March, am inside for 12 hours per day with my toddler. My ‘Old’ life seems a far away, distant memory, the only highlight is going to do the food shopping, feel there’s nothing to look forward to.
I’m starting to feel just nothing inside, anyone else?

Totally agree. I have two step children who only come EOW. I got up today at 9:30 (meant to start at 9) and I can honestly say I did nothing all day. I lay in bed again at lunch time wondering what it’s all about. I wait like a dog for my OH to come home. Cook the tea and go to bed. Nothing seems worth it anymore. I’m sick

@Draineddraineddrained
Plus in Northern hemisphere weather was magical in that first three weeks..

Totally with you. I feel completely drained and very much like this is an existence rather than a life. It feels neverending, my daughter was born on New year's Eve 2019 and I'm so glad she won't remember this time, but now it feels she will have a toddlerhood and childhood totally scarred by it.

Comparisons to war seem a bit irrelevant - they're both shit situations and people suffer in both. Just because this is not a war does not lessen the suffering and anxiety.

I’ve been accepting the way I feel and bobbing along but I realised the other day that I’m just on autopilot, which is what I do every time something traumatic has happened in my life. I’m quite numb now and that’s really sad.

@Annedunne181

Hi just to give you guys a different perspective that might help you. I was in ireland last year , we had a severe lockdown, I left and came to Mexico. I am working remotely so I can do it from here. Mexico is open to all travellers, and there are no restrictions at all here. All restaurants , coffe shops, night clubs and shops are open here.

In Ireland all restaurants and shops are still closed.

However, I was actually thinking today that I l kind of miss being in Europe suffering along with everyone else. That I am missing out on a very historic time. It is a very unusual thing that everyone is going through together. It is something important that people are living through.
I am actually thinking about coming back to Europe.

1- is this just to rub salt into our wounds 2- are u a love islander by any chance

Yes I hate the war comparisons too or am half expecting the people to come on here go jump down our throats telling us how selfish we are etc etc..all of it’s too much now.

*To

I lost my husband just as the first lockdown started. For 10 months I have not even had a hug.
Due to illness I have to shield and I do not have a life

There’s a change in people in the last couple of weeks I think.

Sunday I was screamed at in the street by a very hysterical woman who was upset that I hadn’t said thank you when she practically threw herself in a bush to avoid me on a wide country lane.

Today, standing in from if the dairy counter at the local shop, I was huffed at by a woman who wanted to walk past me but ‘couldn’t’ because it would mean breaking the one way system in an otherwise empty shop. She didn’t want to pass within a metre of me. I had my back to her, I was wearing a mask.

People are on the edge.

@Sadbadglad so sorry for your enormous loss. That must be incredibly painful. I feel for you very, very much xx

Now I know how dogs feel when they have been dumped in a crate and left. The way they eventually stop struggling to get out, and just lie facing the wall in a kind of coma state. I feel like that.

Thank you Moomalade. Covid has changed people in many different ways

@Sadbadglad I’m so very sorry 😞 this is so unfair on people xx

@CountessFrog Yes I’ve noticed it too, the fear factor has gone up and people seem meaner and more frenzied.

@Annedunne181

Hi just to give you guys a different perspective that might help you. I was in ireland last year , we had a severe lockdown, I left and came to Mexico. I am working remotely so I can do it from here. Mexico is open to all travellers, and there are no restrictions at all here. All restaurants , coffe shops, night clubs and shops are open here.

In Ireland all restaurants and shops are still closed.

However, I was actually thinking today that I l kind of miss being in Europe suffering along with everyone else. That I am missing out on a very historic time. It is a very unusual thing that everyone is going through together. It is something important that people are living through.
I am actually thinking about coming back to Europe.

That is interesting Annedunne. I understood that the situation in Mexico in terms of cases/deaths is at least on a par with the UK but there is a lot of denialism hence why everything is open. www.bmj.com/content/371/bmj.m4952

From a mental health perspective though it must make things a lot better unless you happen to catch covid.

@CountessFrog those people make me really angry. I had them on a bike ride, two ladies standing either side if the shared use bike/pedestrian path. I was a bit unsure what they were doing, so just gave them a vague smile as I rode past and got the arsy "you're welcome". Well ffs there are dozens of people just walking along like normal, do I ride past saying thank you on a continuous loop?? . It's all just too much, it's madness.

@barretbonden Yes

I find it hard to enjoy anything now . Days with toddler are spent doing a muddy cold walk same place . Days at work are spent from the kitchen table 12 hour shifts twice a week. Food shop .

Nothing else

Existing

Ffs with the war post.
Yes people and it hard in the war, yes I am grateful for their sacrifice. I hope we don’t ever experience anything of its like.

But that war was fought for our freedom which we are rapidly losing. During that war, people were able to come together, to look out for each other, to be useful and purposeful in the war effort.
Now we are cut off from each other, a lot of us shut at home with literally nothing to look forward to other than tomorrow which brings with it... more of the same. Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful to see tomorrow and i hope I see a hell of a lot more of them but at the same time it’s perfectly natural to be utterly fed up with this hamster wheel we are calling life.
The vaccines brought a bit of positivity but the government and scientists are all very cagey about the new variants still and with the news that they are now door to door testing because of the SA variant, well let’s just say I’m not buying the “don’t worry” vibe that’s currently being bandied about.

If we keep getting new variants which we will surely by nature of the virus, and we aren’t sure how the vaccines will work against them, I’m struggling to see it getting better. I really want it to, believe me.

You don’t need to live through a war to be able to feel sorry for yourself and your loved ones and the lack of life you’re living.
My therapist actually told me that constantly comparing “they had it worse” and looking on the bright side even when things are tough, and not letting yourself feel things, is one of the most damaging things you can do to yourself mentally.

Sorry for the essay but the “well it’s not the blitz” attitude really pisses me off

I’m getting pretty bloody sick of it now. I’m tired of being terrified that going out is going to lead to me getting it and passing it on to others in my house (one cev) but I’ve been home for nearly 11 months now. My DTs are 3 and were supposed to get the free funding so I could go back to work but that’s obviously not going to happen now so we’re stuck here.

I know I’m in an incredibly fortunate position compared to many, but it’s getting increasingly hard to remain positive and upbeat when there’s literally nothing to look forward to. I’ve clung to those free funding hours a lot as I’m a sahm and this fucking virus has ruined it. My kids get so excited to just be going out for a drive in the car (eg to collect an order) and it breaks my heart when they ask if they’re getting out of the car and I have to tell them that no, I’m just popping the boot. They’ve only been out a handful of times since March, but have practised and wear their little masks out too. It’s not normal, they should be out exploring and chatting and seeing other kids not just holed up at home.

I generally try to believe it’ll get better, but then there’s some new bastard strain announced that’s down the road from me (metaphorically speaking) and I’m back to thinking it’s never going to end and my whole family is going to die.

I want to go back to work, not worry about a pandemic, have my kids socialise with others, do speech therapy in person rather than FaceTime and go out on the piss. I don’t even like going shopping, but am yearning to go to a massive shopping centre and browse around all day. Oh, and just put my shopping in the cupboard without giving it a bloody wash first and feeling like there’s germs on my hands because I touched something that came from “outside”.

Please don’t flame me, I’ve had a day from hell with my kids, have some minor health worries that I’m scared will need investigating and I’m having a pity party for one here.

@firstimemamma

It's the supermarket shopping experience I hate the most these days. Everyone just marching about silently like zombies, dumping stuff in their trolleys with their masks on. There's just such a depressing atmosphere and the voiceovers they play about "staying safe" drive me nuts.

Yes exactly this! My local Lidl is like being on the set of some futuristic feckin doomsday film - everyone recently so miserable - I’m that annoying bastard that will always attempt a bit of black humour in the queue - it brightens people a bit.

I work in Care and during this wave we have managed to contain the cases in our home but we are all so ground down from 12-hr shifts in full PPE, daily tests, our lovely residents who are so so sad not to see family.

and today, the legend himself Captain Tom falls foul of Covid and the News whines on about the SA variant and social bloody distancing to the end of the year.

The biggest issue is that there are no certainties just constant twists and turns.

I am also immensely hacked off with dd14’s spiralling confidence and mh due to not being in school - so hard for uni students right now also (my middle one) and us poor parents.

I just cycle, cook and work my time away and try to keep my kids and Mum positive.

Thank you Maskedminger

My adult son caught Covid just after my husband died. The people who were allowed to attend the funeral, all had to isolate. Therefore my poor Husband went to his Funeral alone

That day broke me. I am broken. Whatever people say I feel like I failed him.

There are so many different stories untold.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I would rather be in the war than this. This is torture. I want my Mum. I want my kids to socialise with other kids. I'd rather have rationing, bombs and fighting than this. Honestly.

This is killing me. Like all of you, I am dead inside.

I am done with it all too and have walked around all day today on the verge of tears.

I absolutely hate WFH with a passion. My home which was once my sanctuary now feels like a prison in which I’m trapped. There’s no joy, and nothing to look forward to anymore, everything has been stripped away from us.

I am so utterly sick of going for walks too. We live in a beautiful place but being faced with hundreds of people roaming aimlessly around it has really put me off going out. My daughter’s GCSE’s have been cancelled and my son’s transfer test for Grammar school and my family live at the other end of the country so fuck knows when I’ll see them again. Dad is going through chemo at the moment too so is ECV which is a whole other worry.

So YANBU OP, it’s a pile of shit and I’m sick of Pollyanna’s telling me to focus on the positives! At the moment, there are none...

" I want to go back to work, not worry about a pandemic, have my kids socialise with others, do speech therapy in person rather than FaceTime and go out on the piss. I don’t even like going shopping, but am yearning to go to a massive shopping centre and browse around all day. Oh, and just put my shopping in the cupboard without giving it a bloody wash first and feeling like there’s germs on my hands because I touched something that came from “outside”.
@MuchTooTired I totally agree ! I can't understand it when people are enjoying this lockdown , work from home etc I feel like they must be coming from a massive place of privilege. For me to work from home it's an inconvenience I am waking my son up ( I work 8-8 call centre ) so am still speaking to customers when he is asleep ( toddler asleep for 630-7 pm latest) .