I don’t like this life.

[Maskedminger]

It’s been almost a year, everything changed, am still suffering from covid from March, am inside for 12 hours per day with my toddler. My ‘Old’ life seems a far away, distant memory, the only highlight is going to do the food shopping, feel there’s nothing to look forward to.
I’m starting to feel just nothing inside, anyone else?

Same - my boss described it as "worse than usual January-it is". Except we're now on Feb and it's not better.

I'm a key worker, DH isn't but youngest can keep going to nursery - and it's doing her the world of good. Didn't ask for a key worker place for year 6 dd as she's easy to have at home, but now I'm wishing I had. Her mental health is deteriorating- all the work we did last year to manage anxiety and panic attacks seem to have been undone, she's getting withdrawn, unmotivated. She loved school, has no issue with school work but I feel like we're constantly pestering her to get work done. I wish I hadn't "done the right thing" and kept her at home, I wish I'd asked for a key worker place, because I think that would have been much better for her mental well being. It feels like I'm doing the right thing for society at the absolute expense of my dd and her well being.

I think part of it is the come down after the vaccine - we were waiting for it and I was excited to get it (nhs staff), and the waiting for the magic number (whatever that is) for things to reopen seems to be further than ever.

Plus I am doing minimal exercise - classes have gone online, but I spend so much of my life looking at a screen, I can't stand the thought of exercising that way, with dcs around my feet.

I have some annual leave at easter, and the thought of still being socially distant, still not seeing my family and getting together with friends is making me dread the time off rather than looking forward to it.

The other thing that FUCKS ME OFF is WFH being presented as this great benefit/change for the better. Not for me it bloody isn't. I want my proper workstation back, my colleagues next to me to laugh with, I want my walk into work. I am pissed off that I am being told my increased costs (electric, heating etc) from WFH are being 'offset' by what I save in commuting, when I deliberately arranged my life to have no commute by buying a house 10 minds pleasant walk from where I live. I hate the fact that, even if/when this madness ends, employers in my field will jump on this as 'the new normal' as they're saving a fucking fortune and I will probably have to career change if I want a normal job in an actual office again. And I'll be expected to be pleased about it.

Yup. I've had extension in kitchen as well as having both kids rooms re decorated with decorator and kitchen and bathroom. As I'm in all time I get fed up

[quote Maskedminger]@HappygoesLucy That’s the thing though, she had all those things, we had a great little life for her, she’s v sociable and I saw how those things benefited her even more.
I’m generally a very resilient person and great in front of Dd and make things as fun, interesting and varied for us all as I can, but how long can you keep forcing that?
I’m still ill some days but then also feel fear I’ll catch it again and become worse and I worry for my parents mh and catching it, it’s just too much for everyone isn’t it,[/quote]
But she still has a wonderful life, she's loved and gets to spend every waking moment with her mum! She will be okay, she'll be back swimming and partying one day and she won't know any different. She's probably at one of the best ages to be in a pandemic because she's old enough to have met and remembered family and friends but young enough to not need them for emotional development. You are absolutely enough for her and even if you're struggling to force the happy happy image, as long as she has some fun toys and some educational TV to watch, she will be none the wiser.

Can you sort out a basket of your DD's toys/activities (colouring pages, books, simple toys she can play with herself) and a basket of goodies for you (blanket, snacks, juice, magazine) for when you have unwell days? That way you have a back up for when you're not feeling up to it that you know your DD has some entertainment and you have some pick-me-ups on hand?

All I keep thinking is there's nothing we can do to change the situation but we can make the most of it. We have to think of every life hack going to make each day easier (or at least go quicker) we need back ups for when entertainment/netflix fails us and we need little sparks of joy to keep us going.

Have you got plenty of activities on hand for DD? Pinterest is a lifesaver and if you've got some simple things on hand for when there's nothing to do and you're both fed up of Mr Tumble it might be nice to have something new to try?

I feel the same way as most of you on here, but let's spare a thought for all those who had 5+ years of similar in 1939-45. Air raids, bombs dropping, rationing & shortages of everything - not just food. Only being allowed so many inches of bath water & so many bars of the gas fire etc and clothing coupons... No virus, granted but I expect bombs & the threat of Hitler overthrowing the country were far, far scarier. I think we have it much easier.

I don't feel as if I am living, just existing atm.

But yeah, I'm on the edge too! I'm a disabled lone parent to a child with autism. Bloody hard and I'm sick of being cooped up in a tiny 2 bed house

But how long can this actually continue without us all losing our minds or doing some real damage to the children, it’s just too much now.

@Christmasfairy2020

Yup. I've had extension in kitchen as well as having both kids rooms re decorated with decorator and kitchen and bathroom. As I'm in all time I get fed up

Lucky you!

Yep!!! I’m sodding miserable and starting to think let’s just let it spread and kill people off as this is no life! I’m this fucked off and irrational

@HappygoesLucy Thank you 💐 I’m an early years teacher (not currently) so am throwing all my energy into activities for Dd, she has a good life with us and us happy, it just niggles at the back of my mind that she’ll soon need much more.
I think if we saw some kind of end in sight it would be easier

@RuledbyASD

I feel the same way as most of you on here, but let's spare a thought for all those who had 5+ years of similar in 1939-45. Air raids, bombs dropping, rationing & shortages of everything - not just food. Only being allowed so many inches of bath water & so many bars of the gas fire etc and clothing coupons... No virus, granted but I expect bombs & the threat of Hitler overthrowing the country were far, far scarier. I think we have it much easier.

Well, its also considerably better than many other times in history, but life moves on, progress is supposed to have been made, so being slightly better than a country actually in the middle of a world war isn't really a very cheering comparison.

Although I suppose its preferable to those cheerful souls who like to point out some very mundane task, such as going to the supermarket or having a walk, and try to tell you "how lucky you are" to do it.

These annoying, goody-goody little reminders are actually contributing to making life during lockdown more intolerable.

Everyone I know feels the same. Went on maternity last March and tbh it wasn't what I wanted but at least could go out for walks and even see family briefly in the summer.
Back to work for 2 weeks and now self isolating as daughter has Covid.
I'm constantly tired, even when I haven't done anything. I can't see any end to it.
I was vaguely hopeful things would be better after March but with new strains of the virus I can't see an end to it.

Same - it’s shit

@RuledbyASD Of course, but also I think it’s okay to say this is shit, to be down and worried about it.

@RuledbyASD

I feel the same way as most of you on here, but let's spare a thought for all those who had 5+ years of similar in 1939-45. Air raids, bombs dropping, rationing & shortages of everything - not just food. Only being allowed so many inches of bath water & so many bars of the gas fire etc and clothing coupons... No virus, granted but I expect bombs & the threat of Hitler overthrowing the country were far, far scarier. I think we have it much easier.

Ffs why must we compare it to a war- this isn’t a war it’s a virus!!!

It is awful. So hard to get up in the morning.

I am finding that although I should be keeping in touch with people more, friends and family, having zooms and calls, I am now retreating into myself and don't want to contact anyone anymore . Just sticking with my husband and kids. I now have no desire to make an effort with anyone else and don't feel up to speaking to anyone anymore.

@Sunnysideoftheshite There’s nothing really to say, is there 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel as if just wake me up when it’s over.

I feel exactly the same as you all on here. I have moment of hope and glimpses into the future at the moment we can all only dream of. Only to see or hear about the latest news- new variants which may make the vaccines less effective. Or social distancing and masks may be needed all year. It's just one thing after another and I am mourning the life I had, the dreams I had at one point.

I haven't met any of my colleagues, and god knows when I will. I can't plan anything for the future to look forward to to keep me going. I'm single, and have no hope of meeting anyone this year, again, really. I have met my nearly 1 year old niece twice this whole year. We are all missing out on so much. To top this off I live in the constant fear of my older parents catching the virus. I really feel like the media and government have become so used to their power and ability to control every aspect of our lives, they have forgotten about people's mental health and well-being. It's almost like they don't want to give us hope.

They said the vaccines are the 'saving grace' we are waiting for, last summer. And so vaccine after vaccine being approved should be the answer we are all waiting for. Then they mention all these variants appearing. Then they mention they don't know if transmission is stopped or reduced- so there we have it, restrictions are still needed! I just am so fed up. I am completely numb and normal life really feels like a made up dream

@Draineddraineddrained, I could have written your post. What’s more I had to get a rather small place because I wanted to be able to walk to work. I refuse to be grateful for eternal wfh, because I am not someone who chose to live in Lewes or Colchester and work in cCentral London.

I'm totally lost as "me" now. The nearly 5 year old is so lonely for company his age that he won't do anything alone now. He his glued to my side like a Velcro baby, usually trying to get inside my clothes. My older two (It's a big gap) are also needing my time. I have to order online as I can't even get to a shop without one of the children having a problem with it. I'm at home or I'm out walking with someone. Even while I am typing now a child is asleep on me.

@Sunnysideoftheshite

I am finding that although I should be keeping in touch with people more, friends and family, having zooms and calls, I am now retreating into myself and don't want to contact anyone anymore . Just sticking with my husband and kids. I now have no desire to make an effort with anyone else and don't feel up to speaking to anyone anymore.

Me too, I'm just hibernating myself at home as I can't find the energy or motivation anymore as I am just so fed up of the world as it currently is.

YANBU OP

I wish it would all fuck off

this may be very harsh but the virus doesn't care about your memories and it feels sorry for no one