I don’t like this life.

[Maskedminger]

It’s been almost a year, everything changed, am still suffering from covid from March, am inside for 12 hours per day with my toddler. My ‘Old’ life seems a far away, distant memory, the only highlight is going to do the food shopping, feel there’s nothing to look forward to.
I’m starting to feel just nothing inside, anyone else?

The only thing that has kept me going is having a building project to focus on. We were lucky to start on our extension last february just before covid hit and having a team of builders around and something else to focus on has made life feel a bit more normal. I think it helps having a goal (completed house) to focus on which I think is something that is missing from most peoples' lives at the moment.

Having said that I am still barely getting through the days with a 15 month old and an older autistic child to entertain. I do the same walk every day with the baby and it is so boring, I try to narrate our day but it is basically just oak tree, car, bike etc every bloody walk.

@RuledbyASD many aspects of the war were easier than this. Economy was absolutely booming with war production, everyone had a job. There was death, but it wasn't a totally pointless death. Women were expected to work, having never been given the chance. You could learn new skills. And you had friends with whom you could share your woes, sit and have a drink, there was community that didn't involve people being physically afraid of your presence on a footpath. The war played into human nature, people were together and could forget their differences in pursuit of a single aim. Plagues bring out the absolute worst in people. Also, dont forget their media was censored. They didn't hear about endless death, battles lost, shortages. They just heard stories that would motivate them. That may seem odd to us now, but I bet it made things easier to bear.

@Wineloffa I do call centre work 2 shifts per week 12.5 Hours. It was fine in the office but now it's ruining my home like you say my sanctuary. I am at my dining room table having stressful discussions with people and it's in my bloody home - it's horrible . Also end up waking my son up who is only little and asleep by 630 pm because my shift is until 20.15 at night . I'm on the edge.

I’m fed up too and this horrid damp grey weather doesn’t help. All the things that give quality to life are absent. Seeing kids excited to see their friends or have a good day at school. Planning to go and see my favourite cousin in France. Booking a restaurant meal with DH and kids, going to Bristol to see my best friend. All verboten.
I’m not proud, but when they wheel put another tearful ICU nurse on the TV or radio I feel nothing, just that I’m being emotionally manipulated. I’m not a denialist, I’m just fed up.

@oakleaffy

Lol when we all thought it would be a 3 week lockdown

I remember when there was talk of lockdown Of lockdown last March. ‘They will never shut the schools’, ‘no one will stop me visiting my parents’, ‘it will only last a few weeks’, ‘back to normal by Easter‘, ‘they can’t stop me going out/on holiday/meeting friends’.

That Was 11 months ago and here we are, schools are not properly open, we haven’t seen family for months and I social distancing looks like it might continue for months.
It’s shit!

I’m normally so resilient, I’ve been through some crappy situations and people have been surprised how well I’ve coped, dusted myself off and carried on. I’m just existing now. I have no energy to talk to friends, I’m fed up of zoom. I’m so bored of walking round my estate (and we are lucky to have a meadow/river very close, but it’s the same river I’ve walked past for months Now).
Our youngest dc is 10, so after years of having small dc, our social lives were back on track, Going out with friends, weekends away, meeting up for coffees, we had enough spare cash To have a nice life that we didn’t have when they were smaller. I just miss it so much.
I’m almost scared in a way, that I will have grown to faraway from my friends and we will no longer want to be in each other’s company. I have no idea where this Feeling has come from, I’m normally really confident with friendships, but I just feel so knocked down And battered from it all.

My teen dc, I am so sad for her. 15 year olds should not be spending so much time isolated in their rooms, but she has no reason to get up. Even if she is downstairs with us, she isn’t happy, she was never argumentative, but it seems her whole personality has changed. She wants to be out, enjoying herself. It’s so crap.

I felt like this last weekend and I woke up last Monday crying. I couldn't bear another day of working from home, home schooling kids, nothing to look forward to. I managed to turn myself around last week as work was very busy, I started to get some glimmers of hope on the vaccines and brighter times ahead. Weekend was better and then today is a struggle again. I am not living - just existing really. I do a lot of exercise (I am lucky to have equipment at home) and that helps me get through each day. I am so worried about my kids. They are pale and my 7 1/2 year old daughter isn't coping very well with remote schooling. Today I lost my shit because she was meant to be on her zoom maths lesson and she wasn't even in front of her computer. So she missed the whole lesson. She is the youngest in her class as it is and I am so worried she will never catch up. We are also from Australia and are unlikely to see my family until 2022, not having seen them since December 2019. I am so close to my parents and my sister and my kids are incredibly close to my parents, my parents-in-law and their cousins and they miss them terribly. Who knows when we will be able to get home.

All that said, each day I put one foot in front of the other day because I know this will pass. I know it will. I am truly optimistic that come May and June we are going to be in such a better space. I have optimistically booked us overseas holidays and I focus on these as hope. Even if they don't happen, hope is all we have.

This might cheer people up a bit
news.sky.com/story/covid-19-12205873

Maskedminger, your username has made me burst out laughing when not much else seems to these days! So thanks

MuchTooTired no one will flame you.
It's relentless I know.

Same. It's shit.
I've been fairly positive most of the way since last March, but now it's just hit me.
I'd probably bin myself in if it wouldn't just leave a load of shit for my family to sort out.

@deroo23 that is exactly how I feel! Like every bit of work stress and anxiety is now permeating my living space and hanging around in the air! There’s no escape.. it’s definitely not good for my mental health.

DH is wfh too and our heating and electricity costs have massively increased. I live 10 mins walk from the office so have no commuting costs. It’s actually costing me a fortune to work like this. And I also really miss my lovely colleagues and getting dressed up in nice clothes every day...

[quote soundofsilence1]This might cheer people up a bit
news.sky.com/story/covid-19-12205873[/quote]
Not really, unfortunately. Given that we're being told we still have to carry on with this shit regardless of the vaccination programme. What the fuck is even the point? What's the point in anything?

It's very difficult. And just feels relentless. I'm in a job where I need to support others. It drains me. I have my own stuff to deal with but I need to be bright and cheerful during the day. I'm normally an optimist but this has walloped me.

Everything feels grey. I so miss travel, exploring and fun. It feels a lifetime away.

I'm so bloody sorry for our kids and teens.

It literally feels never-ending - as soon as something positive happens more depressing news looms in its wake.

This is what gets to me the most, one step forward then god knows how many steps back, literally within hours mostly. Feels like this will go on ad infinitum.

@MsPeachh 😂I’ve name changed for this, an ad for the masked singer came on and it came to me..small things 🤷🏻‍♀️

@CarolEffingBaskin I know, I just don’t understand why we’d need to carry all this on even after the vaccinations

Toastedsesame So sorry

The back garden is really helping us. We’ve planted some bulbs in pots, the snowdrops are flowering already and the crocuses are on the way. It gives us a bit of hope and something to look forward to. I’ve told DC we can order some tomato seeds around March and plant them on the windowsill. You need to give yourself something to hope for, other than the end of Covid.

Yes absolutely. Dds driving me mad. I can get nothing done. Seems there’s no end in sight and I just feel empty

Same here. Gritting my teeth to get through every day. Crying every day. Seem to have a covid relapse/another awful virus. On top of severe spinal injury. Trying not to totally fall apart for my kids. So, so hard.

It’s funny how many comments are about “the kids” when in fact if you read the posts here it’s the adults that are struggling the most. If our mental health is better theirs will be. Remember to focus on yourselves too mammas x

First of all wishing you the very best in your long covid journey and I hope things pick up for you and others experiencing long covid too.

I feel somewhat blessed in that I haven't experienced covid first hand but outside of that blessing, I feel like absolute shit. There's nothing to look forward to. Theres restaurant open. No cinema. No concert. No holiday. There's nothing to look forward to and life is all just work, work, work and go home.

I've struggled really badly over the last few weeks. I was lucky to have plenty to do, on and off, until the end of the first week of January including a really intense few weeks of work which actually involved going to lots of places and seeing quite a lot of people, including shiny new people. I'd forgotten what it was like to get to know new people, see different faces, conversations about lives before all this shite. It was so lovely. Since then it's just felt flat and endless and I can't concentrate or persuade myself to do anything. All my usual list making, plotting and planning has gone out the window. I've also developed a hatred of Zoom/Teams and just don't want to communicate like that anymore. I know the weather isn't helping, waiting for various bits of financial information also not helping, erratic sleep and eating not helping. I'm usually much more positive and a lot tougher than this, I don't like this version of me.

I’m with you OP, I have dark days now which I didn’t have in the last lockdown. I know a lot more people with covid now too, including my husband who was hospitalised with it which has really brought it home.

In the last 10 months I've lost my beloved dad and mother-in-law, the latter spending her last fortnight alone in hospital because no visitors allowed.

I'm so empty inside. I don't want to die because I know the pain it will cause my family but in my darkest moments I find myself looking forward to being dead. It'll be a relief, I think.

I'm truly fed up. It's been a hard day. It's soul destroying spending all day every day WFH. I usually love my job and was spending all day most days in the field and meeting people. I'm now doing it remotely using photos.

People have become so rude day to day! It's as though those that I am trying to help forget I'm a person too!

Last year I lost MIL to sepsis. Separated from my husband who was later diagnosed with kidney cancer. I'm NC with my parents and brother.

I am trying to stay positive for my teenage son who was working hard toward GCSEs which are now cancelled. He is done with being on lockdown. My daughter is becoming rude and aggressive which is not like her at all!

I just want to wake up and the nightmare be over. I want to be putting the dogs in the car and going to the beach for a long walk. I really can't face another day of rude emails and phone calls when I really am trying my best.