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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t like this life.

426 replies

Maskedminger · 01/02/2021 19:59

It’s been almost a year, everything changed, am still suffering from covid from March, am inside for 12 hours per day with my toddler. My ‘Old’ life seems a far away, distant memory, the only highlight is going to do the food shopping, feel there’s nothing to look forward to.
I’m starting to feel just nothing inside, anyone else?

OP posts:
Mumgonenuts2020 · 02/02/2021 19:04

Davina Mcall!! 😄

Royalbloo · 02/02/2021 19:06

I'm hoping it's a Jan/Feb thing and after that it will be spring and at least we can go for walks/to the park without snow flurries in your face?!

Totally fucked off at the moment so I bought new curtains. That seems to have helped (a bit).

Confusedcabbage · 02/02/2021 19:08

I wonder how many people you've killed :(

foxworkshard · 02/02/2021 19:08

I hear and agree with so many of you on this thread. I've been lucky enough to be in an office and have people other than DH and DD to interact with with, but my god it's been tough on so many levels. Usually I'm pretty resilient and can deal with short term stress, but yesterday saw me fall off a cliff and I had a major anxiety attack. Ended up in hospital, but thankfully no serious health condition. A real wake up call for me and just shows how real the impact of this all is. We need to have something to look forward to, but right now it's hard to see what

Confusedcabbage · 02/02/2021 19:09

@dowser

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 02/02/2021 19:23

It's not great, is it? But we have so much to look forward to, how much are we going to appreciate everything when things are back to normal or at least normal-ish! I cannot wait to get back to everyday living.

Original poster
Maskedminger · 02/02/2021 19:30

@Confusedcabbage I wondered when someone like you would jump in. This thread isn’t about that, lots of lovely ladies showing support to one another as we’re all feeling similar. Trying to stay away from the constant judgmental nastiness.

OP posts:
Clearaschristal · 02/02/2021 19:41

Feel half dead and totally fed up!! Just got back from a walk in the dark, which took me to a deep muddy puddle. (didn't know it was there) too far to turn back. Avoided it by going through forest and got stuck in the eye with a hawthorn branch. Grrr. When's normality going to come back please!!!!

Aria999 · 02/02/2021 19:46

Here's a note of optimism:

All the vaccines are still very highly effective at preventing hospitalization and death from any variant.

www.nytimes.com/2021/02/01/briefing/vaccination-myanmar-coup-rochester-police.html

Flyingavocado · 02/02/2021 19:50

My daughter took her life in the summer, didn’t think I could feel much worse in the winter. All I do is walk and wait for time to pass. She wasn’t the first and won’t be the last to be a MH victim to lockdown. Had enough now.

Jackelburger · 02/02/2021 19:51

Op I feel the same, dead inside. My work has been on and off all year and hubby not back yet. Today we were out for our dog walk of the day (yawn!) and discussing how this Summer might be and thinking about last Summer and I said I want a proper Summer not a socially distanced one! Son of 22 has his life on hold after Uni and want for him what I had at that age, travelling, parties, fun and meeting a life partner. It's rubbish!

Hate the War references too! As PPs have said, then you were able to work, see people and do things that humans need to do.

I was feeling quite positive with the vaccinations and then the good old MSM drop the 'new variant' news.

Emeraldshamrock · 02/02/2021 19:57

@Flyingavocado Oh my that is awful 😢
I'm so sorry for your loss this time must be unbearable.

AngeloMysterioso · 02/02/2021 19:59

@Svj1209

I live alone, work from home in a job which doesn't inspire .Ate too much during first lockdown, and as the months went on realised I wasn't excited about this ending as was so overweight,so since Christmas I've come to conclusion I might as well me miserable and hungry. Have lost half a stone so far and feel I'm back in control of something at least.
Without wishing to sound flippant, that’s how a lot of eating disorders start...
Draineddraineddrained · 02/02/2021 20:00

I'm so sorry @Flyingavocado. The most terrible bereavement imaginable. So so sorry for your loss xx

Original poster
Maskedminger · 02/02/2021 20:03

@Flyingavocado Oh I’m so sorry, that must be incredibly difficult, so sorry 😢xx

OP posts:
Ygritte84 · 02/02/2021 20:06

@OP feeling exactly the same. Hang in there, hopefully the spring will bring some normality again. ❤️

browneyes77 · 02/02/2021 20:13

@Sadbadglad

I lost my husband just as the first lockdown started. For 10 months I have not even had a hug. Due to illness I have to shield and I do not have a life
I am so sorry for your loss and the hard time you’ve been going through.

I know it’s not the same at all, but here’s a ‘virtual hug’ Flowers xxxx

ExhaustedFlamingo · 02/02/2021 20:17

It’s hard to write this without sounding like an enormous twat, but I’ll try.

I have twins, who have to be home educated due to lack of special school placement. Not likely to change. They are both autistic, son has high needs (think still in nappies at age 10). Daughter around 4-5 yrs behind developmentally. Both require 1:1 support with their learning which is on me. No extra help.

I have to work to pay the mortgage, so I’m self-employed. I work from home, and have done for more than 10 yrs. I don’t speak to clients. I usually have to work through the night.

Due to the difficulties of the DC, lots of activities as a family are out of the question due to noise/crowds etc. We managed some low-key local things pre-Covid, providing they didn’t go on for more than about 90 minutes - my sons limit. Going out for adult activities with my DP was virtually impossible. Going out alone was like Mission Impossible - if either of them found out I was out of the house, they got hysterical. They adore their dad but I am their safe person. Anxiety in autism is a killer. Seeing adults other than my mum or my partner was rare. No holidays due to difficulties with travel.

I listen to everyone talking about how terrible and empty their lives are at the moment - and I realise they are essentially talking about my life, even without COVID. It’s been quite the slap in the face at times.

I don’t blame anyone for feeling the way they do. I really don’t. I get that if you’re used to something different this must be hard. I guess it’s just a shock as I’ve been living like this for a long time and I guess I just never really thought about how shit people might think my regular life is.

Svj1209 · 02/02/2021 20:38

So sorry for Yr struggle, makes everything else on here look pretty pathetic xxxx

Mamafaye · 02/02/2021 20:50

Agree with everything here. So what are we going to do about it?? I’m a single mum with a toddler but I am ready to actively start opposing the current situation for the sake of my child and everybody’s children.
Any ideas, seriously, what can we do????? I’ll do it! Signing petitions is not enough!

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 02/02/2021 20:56

I'm really sorry because I know a lot of you are suffering but you have to stop with this shit about things not being as bad during the war because people could fucking hug. Well yes, but their children were at daily risk of getting blown up by bombs. That is if they had their children at home and they weren't living with strangers elsewhere!
The war was a different kind of suffering.

As for the poster up thread who thinks it's okay to throw 70 year olds to the wolves because she needs to live now, can you actually hear yourself?

Sending love and best wishes to the poor poster who has lost her husband and to those suffering from the awful effects of this virus.

bettertimesarecomingnow · 02/02/2021 20:56

Today was the first day I've really felt low. Didn't go out, other than to the garage to put washing in the tumble drier.

It's like Groundhog Day over and over. I'm looking forward to getting back to work if schools are back on the 22nd

My wonderful dp came home and we went out on a drive - he had a delivery to do so I went too. Then we played table tennis with the dc and I feel so much better for just having done something.

Tomorrow I'm going to have to get up and out for a walk ASAP which isn't easy when the kids don't want to go!

browneyes77 · 02/02/2021 21:06

It’s fucking shit isn’t it.

I got so sick of turning on the tv and the news being nothing but Covid. So I stopped watching the news months ago. Fed up of the briefings, fed up of the constant depressing reports. Fed up of never knowing when we may get some normality back. And fed up of feeling like that is an ever dwindling prospect.

I have a long term DP but we don’t live together (long story for another thread one day maybe!). So I live alone in a 1 bed flat. I worked from home anyway before Covid hit as my job is field based. But at least then I was out and about driving to places for my job. Now it’s all day glued to the computer in my living room. The only other room I can move to is the bedroom. And I’m not about to invade my place of rest with work.

The first lockdown I didn’t get to see my DP or family at all except for FaceTime.
When support bubbles were introduced I was then forced to choose between seeing my DP or my parents as you’re only allowed one bubble. Plus there was my brother and little nephew that I could no longer see.

I do wildlife photography as a hobby. It also helps me control my high stress levels (stress that likely triggered my alopecia areata a few years back). Not being able to get out to my nature reserves with the camera has been horrible. I’m reduced to the little field next to my flat and my parents back garden (luckily they live round the corner and will leave the back gate open for me to pop round and use the garden for a change of scenery). And thank god for these small outdoor spaces, because I’d go loopy if I didn’t have those!

I can see here however, that many people have had so much worse to deal with through all this. And to all of you that have lost loved ones, I’m so incredibly sorry that you’ve had to go through such a horrible time.

I’m praying that at some point in the future they’ll find a vaccine that stops this virus dead in its tracks rather than just controlling symptoms. One can dream eh?

DuchenneParent · 02/02/2021 21:28

It has been quite cathartic reading this thread, thank you everyone for sharing. It's human to feel terrible right now, this is a very unnatural way to live.

To the posters who have discovered this thread and are taking the chance to rub their hands together and give people a righteous telling off (surprised it took so long) - stop. This so obviously is not the place.

fancyginglass · 02/02/2021 21:28

I hear you. I fell and hurt my back five weeks ago - have been in a lot of pain and working from home is a struggle - typing half lying down because can't sit up. Can't be arsed doing anything any more - before I hurt myself me and DH would at least sit in our summerhouse and listen to music and have a drink. Too sore to sit on the seats in there. Can't see an end to anything at the moment. Oh and the house is a shit storm and with three boys in their 20s and a DH who can't clean properly I'm hitting the roof because it really hurts to clean things.

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