Would you date someone shorter?

[radiateforme]

I'm going for a socially distanced walk next week with someone I met on tinder and have been chatting to for a short while, (yes it is allowed and he lives round the corner from me!). Problem is I think he might be shorter than me! I'm about 5ft8 so not small. I've always dated tall men. I'm not sure if it will bother me but I'm nervous it'll be awkward! I haven't asked how tall he is as don't want to turn it in to a thing but he looks short in his social media photos. Has anyone here ever been on a date with someone shorter? Am I incredibly shallow to worry about this?

Nope. I’m 5’8 and my husband is 6’5. I’ve always been attracted to taller men.

I have done, but it was always an issue for me. I dont know why. I dont think I am a shallow person. I am 6ft. My dp is taller than me unless I wear heels, but due to my disability I cant wear heels anymore anyway!

Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum ! Seems to work for them....

I wouldn't I'm 5'5, BF is 6'4 and I couldn't imagine fancying anyone shorter than me or even only slightly taller than me. My parents call me a treehugger

@Murmurur

You mean would I have turned down Tom Cruise, Michael J Fox, Billy Warlock (does anyone remember him from Baywatch?), Mark Owen back in the day? Hell no. Bonkers reason to rule out a partner, for me personally.

Actually, turning down 50% of them (I have no idea who Billy Warlock is) would have been quite a good idea, in retrospect.

The short man I dated also cheated and lied about it. He admitted that because he was short, it was more of an issue to prove to himself that he was attractive to more than one woman. I knew another short man like that too, and therefore personally, I would be very wary of another short man for that reason.

@GreenlandTheMovie

I think it’s needs a bit more nuance.

Obviously people are entitled to fancy who they fancy, and shag who they want to shag. Nobody owes anyone else that.

But it’s interesting that a single physical trait (short man) is viewed so excessively negatively, and indeed has a well-established correlation with suicide. Worth wondering if that’s simple biological reality, or something to do with social conditioning or whatever. And what could be done to address it in the future. Something is clearly wrong with how society views short men, and it causes harm.

As you can probably guess, I’m a short man. I found it really tough and depressing in my teens and early 20s. I eventually “got past it”, largely by developing confidence and learning how to accentuate other parts of me. I’ve had relationships with people of various heights, and I’m now happily married with a bunch of kids. It worked out ok, in the end.

But yeah. Being a short guy can be a really horrible experience. One of my sons is clearly headed for being short, like me. Right now he’s a sparkling, smart, funny, lovely 3 year old. I really worry about what his teenage years will be like, when he learns that most people won’t consider him, and a lot of people will either bully or ignore him, all because of a completely unmodifiable physical trait. It’s not like obesity, which can be changed. Your height is your height. I fear about him feeling depressed, or suicidal, like I did.

See also

Robert Carlyle
Tim Roth
James McAvoy
Al Pacino
Kit Harrington
Mark Wahlberg

There maybe other reasons I wouldn’t date some of them but height isn’t one of them.

[quote PaddyF0dder]@GreenlandTheMovie

I think it’s needs a bit more nuance.

Obviously people are entitled to fancy who they fancy, and shag who they want to shag. Nobody owes anyone else that.

But it’s interesting that a single physical trait (short man) is viewed so excessively negatively, and indeed has a well-established correlation with suicide. Worth wondering if that’s simple biological reality, or something to do with social conditioning or whatever. And what could be done to address it in the future. Something is clearly wrong with how society views short men, and it causes harm.

As you can probably guess, I’m a short man. I found it really tough and depressing in my teens and early 20s. I eventually “got past it”, largely by developing confidence and learning how to accentuate other parts of me. I’ve had relationships with people of various heights, and I’m now happily married with a bunch of kids. It worked out ok, in the end.

But yeah. Being a short guy can be a really horrible experience. One of my sons is clearly headed for being short, like me. Right now he’s a sparkling, smart, funny, lovely 3 year old. I really worry about what his teenage years will be like, when he learns that most people won’t consider him, and a lot of people will either bully or ignore him, all because of a completely unmodifiable physical trait. It’s not like obesity, which can be changed. Your height is your height. I fear about him feeling depressed, or suicidal, like I did.[/quote]
Society needs to "do something in future" about women not being attracted to shorter men? Are you for real? What about less attractive women? Does society not need to do anything about women who are rejected by men?

I had a very close friend at university who committed suicide after her boyfriend dumped her. Does society need to do anything about men who dump women? I've got many friends (and you just need to look at the posts on here) who have been upset by men cheating on them and dumping them for other women. Doesn't "society" need to do anything about them? Or is just men that are to get this special consideration?

And what will "society" do about it? Run educational programmes in schools to convince women that they don't have to follow their own preferences when dating men? Maybe a little tv campaign to convince women to force themselves to have sex with men they aren't attracted to?

Utterly ridiculous. Maybe it was your crazy attitude towards women that led to your previous struggle to date, not your height.

I'm 5,1 so I haven't met a man smaller than me before but I do date shorter men. I leave the six-footers out there for the women that need them more than I do.

Yes but I think 2 inches shorter would be my limit

The main reason I wouldn’t want to date someone significantly shorter (5 ft 4 or less) is because of my own insecurities. I’m skinny and taller than average for a woman so get insecure about looking too ‘masculine’

I have friends who are shorter than average for a woman (under 5 ft 3) but still say things like I don’t want to date someone under 5ft10. I can’t help but feel that’s a bit too fussy, fair enough you’re attracted to taller men but why insist they have to be that tall (especially when they’re so short anyway)

@GreenlandTheMovie

Jesus that was an astonishingly unpleasant response. Read what I said again. There’s no need to be so rude.

Wow @GreenlandTheMovie you’ve twisted PaddyFOdder’s post out of all recognition.

No I dont think I would, but in 5ft 5in so havent met loads of shorter men. My DH is 5ft9, he says he'd love it if I was taller then him, he thinks it sexy but I'm guessing he wouldnt want to reduce his size to 5ft3

Before DP I only dated men taller than me, 6ft, 6ft 2, 6ft 5.

We met on Tinder and he had his height down as 5ft 11. I thought I’d make an exception as he was only 1 inch shorter than my ‘rule’. He isn’t 5ft 11 but I’m so glad I met him! Honestly the thought that I could have ruled him out is a bit sickening! He’s still taller than me but only by 2-3 inches. It’s actually lovely to gaze into each other’s eyes when standing up without tilting your neck back. Kissing is easy too. Tall men are lovely but when you meet the right person certain preferences are forgotten.

@goosebumps

I just think it's so sad that you would even think of this as a reason not to date him. Surely it's personality that matter.

It's such a double standard too. I'm a short woman but that never bothers anyone - it's only short men who get so judged.

Why don't you give him a chance and forget about his height.

Yes but attraction - which is vitally important - can be linked to things like height, weight, colouring etc. You can't help who or what you fancy (or don't) and you dont actually owe anyone a chance or a relationship

No i like tall men, OH is 6”6.

I am not a tall woman (5'4.5") and rarely meet men shorter than me; I don't think I ever have dated someone shorter. But not because it's on my "no, never" list. Nothing physical is on my "no, never" list!

I have done. I’m gay if that makes a difference. I guess it does as there are no hang-ups around gender roles/expectations. Although of course there are still preferences.

My wife is exactly the same height as me, which I prefer to someone taller or shorter

You don’t need to feel bad about what you’re attracted to! Besides, at 5”3rd I’ve always loved the fact that tall girls leave all the tall-compared-to-me men of around 5”6/7/8 behind so I got to have a lovely time with some fabulous men that tall girls left by the wayside! ;-D

You fancy who you fancy. NBD. Don’t feel bad.

But also stay open to anything as he/another guy might blow your mind and make you rethink all of this (my friend swore blind she’d never date a shorter guy and guess what? Yep - she’s married and has 2 kids with a man who is 4 inches shorter than her!). I only dated shorter guys and then met my 6 ft DH.

The problem with online dating (which I LOVED LOVED LOVED before I settled down) is you always wonder if there might be someone ‘better’ round the corner. You’ll know if you fancy him in the first 30 seconds. It’s just a walk so you aren’t cornered yet. Just let it happen! Xxx

Dating people shorter than me probably counts as some kind of fetish

I've only ever been out with people the same height or taller.

If I'm meeting someone new for a date I always warn them

Yes. I met a guy I really liked who was 3 inches shorter than me. I'm 5 ft 10. I wasn't going to date him, just stay friends, but that resolution didn't last. We've been married for many years now.

I've dumped guys for being shorter than me I've told them another excuse

I like wearing heels and well I don't think I could wear them. Vain I know

Also the gentleman in question used it for an excuse for everything, which was rather annoying

I'm 5'4 and once tried to dare a man who was same height, and even though he was gorgeous, I remember his hands being smaller than mine and it gave me the ick. It wasn't at all sexy - part of me liking men is that they're bigger, stronger and physically more capable than me. So now I wouldn't date someone shorter. Just like I wouldn't date someone who wasn't active, or was a fussy eater, or was bald. We can't be attracted to everyone!

But he's met someone else now who could clearly look past it, and I'm with my lovely taller bf, so there's someone for everyone out there!

Also the gentleman in question used it for an excuse for everything

Please elaborate

Each to their own. I'm tall and it bothers me to have someone shorter.

At the end of the day physical appearance is a big part of sexual attraction. You either fancy someone or you don't. Shorter men just don't do it for me. Just like most shorter men aren't interested in me either.