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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what the last 12 months has made you realise

155 replies

Carolbaskinstiger · 31/01/2021 22:44

So this time last year the world was pretty different. I was on a health kick (that I believe would have lasted if not for lockdown), had a booked diary of parties/holidays etc.

A year later and things are pretty different. The people’s parties I would have gone to I probably haven’t spoken to now in months, the fitness is out of the window etc.

But on the positive side I’ve realised:
I really do enjoy dh’s company
My business is more secure than I ever realised
I’m fairly happy not doing very much I’m probably quite lazy
I do love the pub.

On the other hand
While I have good friends - I don’t really have a friend I can just ring up and chat
I really miss seeing my parents - so maybe rely on them a lot

What have you realised over the past year?

OP posts:
HeidiHaughton · 01/02/2021 08:41

That I could happily work from home and never need to deal with office politics again. I've gone as far as I want to go with work so don't need to impress anyone with overtime.
That the kids don't need half as many activities during the week.
That I need to exercise and make myself eat properly or I'll gain weight easily. My morning walks to the train station and from it in the evenings really helped me stay trim.
That a lot of older people are very self centred and think the rules don't apply to them.

Sunplanetearth8 · 01/02/2021 08:43

That living in a strong, friendly community is so important to me.
That I really like the company of my DH and DC!
That work isn’t as secure as I thought it was.
That I absolutely need adventure and novelty in my life - without it, I am bored.

Serendipity79 · 01/02/2021 08:46

That my kids teachers need a medal
That we're really lucky to have a home with a garden which many struggled without over the past year
That I shouldn't take my career for granted after hundreds of people at my firm got made redundant
That my boss was in fact as I suspected a total arse who would throw me under the bus as quick as look at me (I now have a new one after securing a sideways move)
That I really don't like my family including my mum and this has taken a lot of soul searching and has been hard to deal with because it feels "socially unacceptable" and I'm an introverted people pleaser..
People can be really selfish and thoughtless, and there are some I wont reconnect with post Covid

MondeoFan · 01/02/2021 08:46

There are some very selfish people out there.

How much I hate supermarket shopping made all the worse by the fact that I had to queue outside.

Because we didn't have a holiday last year I was able to buy a really nice car, infact the car of my dreams, as I hadn't paid £5,000 for a holiday, without Covid this wouldn't have happened.

user1494050295 · 01/02/2021 08:49

I feel like what I thought were solid friendships are actually only superficial. And other friendships are lasting the distance. New friendships have arisen too. The ones I thought were solid I am re evaluating

malificent7 · 01/02/2021 08:56

I love my home.
I love knitting and painting.
I love walking and cycling.
I do miss festivals etc but am happy to have a few years off.
I really miss travelling.

Imissmoominmama · 01/02/2021 08:58

I’ve learnt that my animals really make me happy; walking really makes me happy, and cooking really makes me happy.

I’ve learnt that checking in with my closest friends and my family is important, and I want to look after them.

I’ve learnt that I don’t really like people as much as I thought I did Blush.

I’ve learnt to value my health.

Ponoka7 · 01/02/2021 09:21

That I needed to say No to people more. Pre Covid I missed my Sister's Birthday day out (at an event always on that week), because I was helping someone. I told myself that there was always next year and it's been cancelled now for two years.

That I've wasted a few years being fat, so this is the year that I need to sort it out.

That I really love being a hands-on Nan and need to make plans for when the youngest goes to school, so I'm not missing her so much. Luckily I'm my DD's childcare bubble.

I'm glad that I didn't go into Nursing after doing my BA as a mature student, because I'm ECV to Covid.

I too hope that this will give people more empathy for disabled people, but given how they've been treated during this, I doubt it.

How jealous and resentful people are of others. How gleeful some are because life has had to stop for others and how they enjoy their unhappiness.

How thick people are and lack critical thinking. How blindly they will follow rules and attack people who won't follow rules that make no sense.

How much anxiety is around and how little resilience people have and can't cope with change. Some of the statements said shows that they've never considered how bad life is for people in less developed countries, or even those in hardship in this country.

msmandolin · 01/02/2021 09:35

That I really really wish I was married and had kids, and I feel like I have lost my chance.

UnGoogled76 · 01/02/2021 09:40

Life is short and full of unexpected situations that I can't plan for. Grab hold of opportunities wherever I can.

LimitIsUp · 01/02/2021 09:43

I've realised that I am far more sociable that I had previously appreciated. I thought of myself as an introvert but I have missed seeing friends face to face a good deal more than I thought I would

I've also realised that cinema, theatre, art galleries, travel etc were the things that made my life enjoyable. Without them it feels flat

Sue81 · 01/02/2021 09:44

That I am really not happy in my job and need to make a change when possible - although on the flip side it is secure which I am thankful for. That this needs to be the year I do something about my weight, and stick with it! How much I cherish my best friends and family. That teachers deserve a massive pay rise! That even though I didn't have a very busy social life before, I really miss the occasional coffee/lunch etc with a friend. That if I never have to use bloody Zoom again I will be very happy!

Bunbunbunny · 01/02/2021 09:45

The people I work with are colleagues not friends

Ragwort · 01/02/2021 10:00

I thought I was a bit of a 'homebody' before but now I realise how much I miss 'normal' social interaction - I've always been involved in community matters and although I can still do a couple of volunteering roles I just miss simple things - being out and about, going to church, a fund raising coffee morning - even miss committee meetings!

I miss my job - I have a job I love, part time hours which is perfect, I am really missing it - I am not far off retirement age but really not looking forward to retiring.

That DH and I have very little to say to each other now we are together 24/7 Blush.

I loathe technology - always knew that but wouldn't care if I never had another Zoom meeting in my life.

And I know I am one of the lucky ones, comfortable home, no financial worries, plenty of space, garden, near countryside for walks, plenty of friends - we all check in on each other, go for walks (within guidelines) and I can still visit my very elderly parents. But I am still totally fed up!!

JanuaryJonez · 01/02/2021 10:14

That little pleasures can make me really happy and we're all, in the main, simple creatures with simple needs.

That I enjoy friends' company, but for two hours max, but adore spending time with my teenage DD.

That my DCs are probably going to be fine.

That my mum and sister are awesome.

That we're so lucky to live where we do.

That my DH is a challenge I should probably never have taken on, but 26 years later with two DCs who love us, I'm going to stick it out and make it work for us.

bluetongue · 01/02/2021 10:17

I used to wonder if the money I spent on my travels abroad and my hobbies were ‘wasted’ before Covid. Now I regret none of the money I spent and can’t wait to travel again once I can. I’m aware I’m not getting any younger (44 so not over the hill yet Grin ) and want to do as much travelling and skiing while I’m young enough to enjoy it.

Weirdly, before the pandemic I felt strangely compelled to travel as much as possible while I could. I just had this sense that the opportunity to travel might not always be there so kept booking trips even when my credit card was in the red. Terrible financial advice but I’m saving loads of money now (some to travel again when I can) so it’s all worked out for the best Smile

CouldBeOuting · 01/02/2021 10:19

That yes, my marriage really is that good! We've still disagreed on things but no big arguments despite him being at home 100% of the time and not being able to do things on our own.

I realise it sounds smug (and to some people unbelievable) but I really did marry my best friend 30 years ago and I'm incredibly lucky.

21growbags · 01/02/2021 10:25

I found that I was more resilient, in the face of repeated blows, than I would have expected, but did eventually crumple.

I’m also painfully aware of my physical limitations. Without the help of another adult there are things that are hard or impossible.

I’ve taken refuge in prayer and meditation and that’s kept me going in very difficult times.

For the first time I can remember I like myself.

This thread has been thought provoking and encouraging but also brought something very difficult sharply into focus.

I don’t want to look after exP any more, even if he stops drinking.

JanuaryJonez · 01/02/2021 10:30

In fact if it wasn't for the constant worry about catching Covid, and the sadness of hearing other people's Covid stories, this would be the best time of my life

I feel similar but was worried about admitting it, on here or anywhere!

Since the first lockdown I find I can get incredibly happy over the smallest thing and what started out as a coping mechanism has become a total re-wiring of my brain.

JanuaryJonez · 01/02/2021 10:35

@21growbags I'm so sorry - I hadn't refreshed and seen your post before I posted my jolly one which came straight after yours.

That sounds extremely tough and I really hope 2021,brings more positivity Thanks

PivotPivotPivottt · 01/02/2021 10:36

Softplays are actually brilliant. Never ever imagined I'd miss the softplay!

KatherineJaneway · 01/02/2021 10:56

I never knew how much I loved the gym until access was taken away.

21growbags · 01/02/2021 10:56

Oh JanuaryJonez you are a sweetheart and I am truly glad you are so happy.

lightand · 01/02/2021 10:59

The concept of
"Agree to differ" is underused and undervalued.

WhatWouldZenoDo · 01/02/2021 11:00

I've realised that not seeing anybody hasn't made me less happy so I shouldn't spend my retirement years in a tiny house near a city. I should get the space I want. Because my life, 99 days out of a hundred, I"m not socialising.