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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what the last 12 months has made you realise

155 replies

Carolbaskinstiger · 31/01/2021 22:44

So this time last year the world was pretty different. I was on a health kick (that I believe would have lasted if not for lockdown), had a booked diary of parties/holidays etc.

A year later and things are pretty different. The people’s parties I would have gone to I probably haven’t spoken to now in months, the fitness is out of the window etc.

But on the positive side I’ve realised:
I really do enjoy dh’s company
My business is more secure than I ever realised
I’m fairly happy not doing very much I’m probably quite lazy
I do love the pub.

On the other hand
While I have good friends - I don’t really have a friend I can just ring up and chat
I really miss seeing my parents - so maybe rely on them a lot

What have you realised over the past year?

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 01/02/2021 07:42

That texts, WhatsApp and zoom/teams is absolutely my idea of a perfect social life.

Who my true friends are.

That I really did have a complex relationship with my late parents. I keep reading on here about people who miss their mum and dad ‘soooo much’ and it’s like hearing from a parallel universe. I loved them, but...I don’t think I needed them.

I’m so glad of my job.

I love the town I live in.

RedShark · 01/02/2021 07:44

I realised that at the age of 25, with the helo of Mumsnet, I don’t need or deserve to spend the rest of my life in an unhappy marriage to a ‘manchild’. So we separated and the divorce was completed before the end of 2020.

That my DC bring me so much happiness, they make every day different, and I am so grateful to have two healthy happy children every single day.

And finally, I will never take having a safe place to call home for granted ever again. This pandemic has made me realise that if you have a good home, a stable job, healthy children and inner happiness, you’ve truly hit the jackpot.

ilovebagpuss · 01/02/2021 07:48

That my employers really are willing to let me die for them and likely wouldn’t bat an eyelid.
That I don’t have any soul sustaining hobbies except for reading.
Don’t wish for things that might come true! I often wished for something major and interesting to happen so people could get off the hamster wheel and have a change in normal life. Then it happened and the irony was I wasn’t one of those people.
My grumpy cat wants us out of the house Grin

HensTeef · 01/02/2021 07:50

How much I value my DH and DC. how close we are and how much fun we can have together.

How much good weather can impact upon mental health and general life enjoyment. We are thinking of moving to a different country get away from the constant rain we have in NI.

How much my mum oversteps the mark and disregards boundaries.

How stressed I would get hosting certain very judgemental family members. How relaxing it is not having these people in my home.

How little we both lean our parents. We live quite close to both sets and would have seen them a fair bit of them pre-covid, but actually we don't NEED them. I feel much more like our family is it's own little unit independent of them.

How little I need in terms of a jam packed social calendar. If I could get out for a nice meal with my DH and do a few fun days out with the kids to the pool or cinema that would be amazing, but we don't need much more than that.

How much I value our schools. I have a friend who homeschools her children out of choice and it's always been something I have wondered about. This last year has taught me that my kids love and value their schools and the social interaction they get there and that I do not enjoy teaching them. Equally I need the time they are at school to get some headspace and do my own thing without 5 kids chirping at me!

SarahBellam · 01/02/2021 07:54

I went through a huge round of redundancies and I was lucky to keep my job but my ex and lots of my closest friends and colleagues didn’t. It’s taught me not to take anything for granted - anything outside your control can be stripped from you in an instant. I need to save more. My children, by virtue of having a safe home, enough food, computers and decent internet access, are privileged. That I am a momma bear and have thrown a blanket of protection around my kids to try to make them feel as safe and loved as I possibly can because I don’t want them to feel they’ve lost out, or fully realise that this is grim, and for years after we come out of this it’s probably still going to be pretty grim until the economy starts to recover.

Incyra · 01/02/2021 07:54

That I should be proud of myself for the job I do and that I hope people will be less judgemental towards it.
That I'm more of an introvert that I thought. I enjoy seeing other people but before I felt like 'I should' see people.
That teachers deserve a 🏅 medal
That I live in a beautiful place
That alot of people only think of themselves which I kind of knew anyway.

hopsalong · 01/02/2021 07:55

That my weight is a constant unchanging number no matter how little exercise I do or how much crap I eat.

That I was only a morning person when I had somewhere I wanted / needed to to go.

That, far from being soul-destroying, my commute (coffee, beautiful view of countryside from window, nice book) was bringing me shitting JOY.

That I wasn't a foodie who hadn't learned how to cook well. I'm a foodie who simply hates cooking.

That altruism is vanishingly rare and its semblance is provoked only by fear.

EssentialHummus · 01/02/2021 07:57

That my marriage is, after a tough year and lots of work, a good one.

That I'm really bloody lucky in lots of ways - I have a lot of resources (of various kinds) to draw on when I need to.

Various things about friendships - some need to be cherished, others need to be allowed to sail down the river.

That just spending time with DD is quite hard for me - teaching/doing/outings I can manage, but just hanging out at home I find tricky. I'm working on it.

Beaniecats · 01/02/2021 07:58

How easily a Government can snatch away rights, freedoms and civil liberties
That's frightening

Velvian · 01/02/2021 07:59

I love being with my DH and DC in my house most of the time. I hate homeschooling. My colleagues are lovely people, generally. I need to work.

I miss very few people; I knew I was fairly antisocial before. Grin I do not miss the school playground.

YouJustDoYou · 01/02/2021 07:59

My decades of alcoholism is going (has) stopped, I need to get healthy, and that it's okay to be happy not working and being in my house all the time.

RJnomore1 · 01/02/2021 08:00

DH and I are good for each other. Our 16 yo is a good kid and not a moments bother
Life is too short and the minute I can get anywhere I will be there and I’ll never turn down any invite again. A year with little or no going out is more than enough for a lifetime.

RaspberryCoulis · 01/02/2021 08:03

That there is a certain type of person who revels in misery and who hates the idea of anyone doing anything enjoyable.

That I made the right decision not to go into teacher training after uni because i'm so shit at it.

That geocaching is a lot of fun when the only thing you're allowed to do is to go for a walk.

NorbertMeubles · 01/02/2021 08:03

I've learnt who my friends are.

MerryDecembermas · 01/02/2021 08:04

How much of my happiness was based on future fantasies.. thinking one day we'll have more money.. one day we'll go on holiday.. escapism from the monotonous day to day and unpleasant emotions.

drumandthebass · 01/02/2021 08:05

I don't need my hair highlighted every six weeks

hopsalong · 01/02/2021 08:05

That the people with a lot of bottles in their recycling weren't necessarily alcoholics. Or at least didn't drink more than me. They just went out less.

userxx · 01/02/2021 08:11

@hopsalong

That the people with a lot of bottles in their recycling weren't necessarily alcoholics. Or at least didn't drink more than me. They just went out less.

God yes, my bins are always full, even when they've just been emptied.

I miss my friends so much, we still catch up everyday but it's not the same as all being together face to face. I miss walking around a shop without a bloody mask, I miss life being spontaneous. I've realised not to take anything for granted as things can change in a heartbeat.

Frouby · 01/02/2021 08:12

That actually I can run. Not far or fast or with any grace but I did c25k in lockdown 1, dropped it over winter but just restarting it.

That I am not very bendy (yoga has shown me this).

That my dcs are fucking amazing. Dd is 16, lost gcses, prom, school, her grandfather and she's kept smiling. Ds is 7, also fucking amazing and funny and clever and bonkers.

That my dh is literally our hero. We lost fil last easter (covid), he's dealt with that, with his job, with us and although it's been tough, he's kept going.

That I am cleverer than I thought. Started a foundation degree in September. It's been tough but have done well so far.

That human nature is amazing and we can all cope with more than we think.

Justcashnosweets · 01/02/2021 08:17

That I really hate my job.
That life really is too short and too precious.
That I love being with DD, and would happily be a SAHM if finances allowed.
That I need to lose weight as a matter of urgency.
That my family is everything to me.

sandgrown · 01/02/2021 08:19

That I had wasted years trying to keep my ex happy (depression) . Only he can help himself but won’t . DS and I finally left and we are so much more relaxed . That it does not matter that our house is not a palace and we are managing with second hand and free stuff . That I really miss meeting my friends in pubs/restaurants. That it is ok to just sit and do nothing .

StormBaby · 01/02/2021 08:20

I have realised that my social life was already dire. I’ve not seen a change in it at all in a year.

EvieBoo2 · 01/02/2021 08:31

That I am very lucky compared to some. I love the village I live in, my DD is keen to do her school work each day, the teachers at her school are very hardworking and caring, my OH has the patience of a saint. I've always been shy so not going out doesn't bother me. I prefer staff meetings on Zoom. I have enjoyed having more time to read and do crafts. In fact if their wasn't for the constant worry about catching Covid, and the sadness of hearing other people's Covid stories, this would be the best time of my life.

4redSocks · 01/02/2021 08:38

That I can depend on myself to get to work without a support network.

Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 01/02/2021 08:41

I feel we've benefitted from lockdown in a weird way. No expensive commute and commuter coffees, and my company are forced to let employees work from home. They were always very mistrustful and grudgingly allowed it preCOVID despite being a tech company.
DH is disabled and housebound so having me and DS working from home has been more company for him and less carer fees for us as we can help him more during the day. He's also been able to join zoom calls with family and friends to keep up with everyone which has helped his mental health and been easier than him trying to travel to meet up. One thing he said struck me was that he hoped that lockdown limitations and restrictions might give people a better understanding, insight and empathy for the travel work and social limitations experienced by those with disabilities. Who knows...
I miss travelling, theatre trips, family hugs but have started a to do list for when this is all over Grin