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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make a full roast AND do the washing up?

104 replies

Jasoninadress · 31/01/2021 19:10

Aibu to be a bit pissed off to spend a couple of hours making a lovely roast dinner for my family and to have all the dishes and cleaning left to me to wash up too?

OP posts:
GoryGilmore · 31/01/2021 19:12

Not unreasonable. But don’t be a doormat. Just don’t make them a roast in future.

bringbacksideburns · 31/01/2021 19:14

Don't do the washing up? Leave it as long as it takes to get done. How old are the people you live with?

Ohalrightthen · 31/01/2021 19:14

Kinda depends. I did the cooking today and just finished the washing up, as DH did the early morning with the teething baby and is putting her to bed now.

I wouldn't be getting my knickers in a twist about this unless it was part of a bigger pattern of me doing everything.

delilahbucket · 31/01/2021 19:14

YANBU. I've cooked a fiddly tea this evening. DS and DP cleared up while I put my feet up with a glass of wine. We always tag team like this.

user1493413286 · 31/01/2021 19:14

Don’t do it, I just wouldn’t do it and as long as they’re gone by the morning that’s fine with me

BBCONEANDTWO · 31/01/2021 19:16

Get a dishwasher - best thing I ever did (well nearly)

PlanDeRaccordement · 31/01/2021 19:16

Ah, yes you need to mutually agree a system about cooking and dishwashing. It’s best to bring it out in open and discuss like it’s a work subject. My parents system was whoever cooks, does the dishes. That worked for them. Myself and DH, we have opposite whoever cooks, the other one does the dishes.

Then once you have older children, you can propose a rota of sorts. My DD just cooked us a lovely dinner and my DH did the dishes...I put my feet up and got on mumsnet.

LightDrizzle · 31/01/2021 19:17

Depends on your house norms and whether you always cop for it.
We roughly alternate but unlike most households we know, the cook also clears up. That’s because we prefer to have a total break when not our turn, rather than have something to do every day.
Also, my ex was an every-pan-in-the-house cook and it would have been very unequal had he only had to wash-up after me (I do a lot as I go along) while I had to clear up his bombsites.

littlepattilou · 31/01/2021 19:17

Rule of thumb in our house is whoever does dinner/tea/lunch, the other one does the washing up/clearing up. No way in hell will I do both unless DH is ill/not feeling good.

SummerHouse · 31/01/2021 19:18

Pretty rude not to clean up if you had a roast cooked for you I think.

PlanetSlattern · 31/01/2021 19:18

Don't do the washing up. Go and put your feet up and see what happens.

MaMaD1990 · 31/01/2021 19:19

Hell noooooo. Whoever cooks gets to chill out whilst the other cleans up afterwards in this house!

AStudyinPink · 31/01/2021 19:19

Why are you doing it?

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/01/2021 19:21

Why did you do it?

I made bread and soup this morning we had for supper this evening and just finished doing the kitchen, so the cooking wasn’t right before the eating. I could have left it for DH to do while I was doing bedtime but he’s been cosy reading with DD and spent all afternoon helping my mum with stuff in her house with the patience of a saint. So I did it, the house looks great, we can both put our feet up shortly. No one is keeping score.

bloodywhitecat · 31/01/2021 19:21

Don't do it, go on strike.

Spodge · 31/01/2021 19:21

@PlanDeRaccordement

Ah, yes you need to mutually agree a system about cooking and dishwashing. It’s best to bring it out in open and discuss like it’s a work subject. My parents system was whoever cooks, does the dishes. That worked for them. Myself and DH, we have opposite whoever cooks, the other one does the dishes.

Then once you have older children, you can propose a rota of sorts. My DD just cooked us a lovely dinner and my DH did the dishes...I put my feet up and got on mumsnet.

You do need to agree and we have always had an arrangement of one cooks, the other does the dishes. I bloody hate it. DH uses every pan in the house - I have no idea what he does with them all. Had I known then what I know now I would have said that I will wash up after I cook and he can wash up after he cooks.

He also washes up really badly and leaves the kitchen surfaces soaking.

Suzi888 · 31/01/2021 19:22

Whoever cooks, cleans up here.

WhatMattersMost · 31/01/2021 19:23

How about you just ask them to do the washing up?

Cherrysoup · 31/01/2021 19:24

Have they offered? Have you asked? I would direct them to clear up or tell them they’re cooking next time.

HighBrows · 31/01/2021 19:25

@LightDrizzle

Depends on your house norms and whether you always cop for it. We roughly alternate but unlike most households we know, the cook also clears up. That’s because we prefer to have a total break when not our turn, rather than have something to do every day. Also, my ex was an every-pan-in-the-house cook and it would have been very unequal had he only had to wash-up after me (I do a lot as I go along) while I had to clear up his bombsites.
I never thought of it like that, normally we do one cooks, someone else clears up. I like this idea of having a total break.
PlanDeRaccordement · 31/01/2021 19:26

@spodge
That was exact reason why my parents said they did it that way.

MrsDThomas · 31/01/2021 19:26

My dishwasher is broken so everyone chips in.

whoamongstus · 31/01/2021 19:26

@LightDrizzle

Depends on your house norms and whether you always cop for it. We roughly alternate but unlike most households we know, the cook also clears up. That’s because we prefer to have a total break when not our turn, rather than have something to do every day. Also, my ex was an every-pan-in-the-house cook and it would have been very unequal had he only had to wash-up after me (I do a lot as I go along) while I had to clear up his bombsites.
This is how we do it, too. Loads nicer than enjoying food made by someone else and then having to get up at the end and wash up!

But OP if everyone is your house is usually bone idle and never helps, you're definitely not being unreasonable. But I wouldn't have done it in that case, I'd have said, okay it's your turn to wash to whichever the bone idlest person was, and repeat until everyone had washed up after a meal.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2021 19:27

We do whoever cooks, cleans up rule too. Otherwise there's no sensible ness over amount of pans.

user86386427 · 31/01/2021 19:27

Why did you do both? Did someone have a gun to your head?