To make a full roast AND do the washing up?

[Jasoninadress]

Aibu to be a bit pissed off to spend a couple of hours making a lovely roast dinner for my family and to have all the dishes and cleaning left to me to wash up too?

Dp has taken toddler to bed, it’s his night, mine was last night, we alternate. He got up with her this morning and made her breakfast, I did the same yesterday morning. I made a big meal, sat down afterwards (determined not to move!) Dp put DD’s high chair away, shut the kitchen door and came out, leaving it all there. He swiftly took Dd up to bed and I’ve just spent 15 minutes washing up and cleaning surfaces, is that fair 🤷🏻‍♀️
I can’t leave it as I’ll have to come down in the morning and face it, which I hate (dp will be at work)
I just think if someone cooks a nice, big mean for you, I’d let them sit there whilst I washed up as a show of appreciation?

He took her up early to bed too (so as to not go the washing up I suspect!)

*Meal

I wash up as I cook (well, load dishwasher and then hand wash anything too big etc). I’ve never understood the fuss about not washing if you cook. Everyone takes their own plates and puts them in the dishwasher once they’re finished. I tend to them clean up the table.

MIL drives me nuts when she cooks!!! She uses literally every pot pan dish utensil and leaves her kitchen in an absolute mess. Dramatically she sits down on the sofa after dinner and announces that she isn’t “stepping foot in the kitchen again this evening” (add in dramatic hands going up in the air). Come to think about it, FIL also gets up from the table and disappears. Actually he’s usually pandering to MIL and pouring her a bottle of wine. I really hate their family meals because of the onerous clear up duties for me, DH and SIL 😂

I just think if someone cooks a nice, big mean for you, I’d let them sit there whilst I washed up as a show of appreciation?

Either your partner disagrees or he's lazy and unappreciative, either way you get nothing posting about it here, next time say "I'll cook, you wash up" don't expect other people to have the same beliefs as you, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Use your voice, and then if he still doesn't help, you know you have a dick on your hands.

Have you asked someone else to come and do the dishes or just expecting them to come and do it as that’s what normally happens?
Or are you like my Dh and you need to clear up straight after you finish eating? Whereas I’m happier to leave it a bit and then get up in an hour or so to do the dishes and tidy up. If Dh cooks (not very often), he generally clears up too as he like it to be sorted ASAP.

But then, it’s very rare that there is much washing up when I serve a meal up as I tend to do it as I’m going along so there will only be one or two pans left when it’s all served.

When I do a roast, I tend to get Dh in as I’m dishing up and he washes the pans as I’m done with them so it will only be the gravy pan to do afterwards, so not really a massive job.

But, no YANB to have to clear up after you have cooked unless there is a massive drip feed and your Dh has been at work and done a 12 hour shift today.

We can't tell you op. Personally when I was a sahm to a toddler, I grabbed each chance for my dh to do the baby whilst I got on with cleaning in peace with both hands.

But, it doesn't matter how other families work it. Not at all.

What matters is that you've started the competitive who-does-more debacle that only ends one way. You're supposed to be kind to each other and work as a team.

Is he going to sleep like the kid? Because then I don't see a reason why you couldn't leave it for him when he comes down.

He swiftly took Dd up to bed and I’ve just spent 15 minutes washing up and cleaning surfaces, is that fair 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well... if you don’t leave any time between the end of dinner and the toddler’s bed time, and it’s his turn to do bedtime, I can see where he’s coming from tbh. We don’t have one person doing everything and the other sat on their bum unless pre-arranged.

Personally when I was a sahm to a toddler, I grabbed each chance for my dh to do the baby whilst I got on with cleaning in peace with both hands.

Phew - thought this was just me.

Did you cook it for them though? You cooked it because you wanted it, no? I can see what you're saying, but you don't have to be a martyr

@AStudyinPink There was time in between where we were sat watching tv, maybe 45 minutes, then he got up to put the chair away and left it all and came back out

@Heartofglass12345 I enjoy cooking it and have no issue with that at all, it just would be nice to not have to wash it all up and clean afterwards too I guess

In our house the rule is that if you cook the dinner, you don’t wash up. Bonus to this is that eldest teen often cooks dinner just to avoid washing up

I breastfeed so every bedtime I take DS up where he feeds like a monster until we both collapse from exhaustion at 8-9pm. DH always does the clean up, often does the cooking and makes me coffees / teas throughout the day too.

There was time in between where we were sat watching tv, maybe 45 minutes, then he got up to put the chair away and left it all and came back out

Then perhaps you could have said to him, “Your turn to wash up”? He shouldn’t have left it to you without at least offering.

@SchrodingersImmigrant Yeah he’ll fall asleep up there now too

@AStudyinPink I know, I was waiting really without having to say it and assumed he perhaps would.

Based on your updates, YANBU. But you need to have a conversation with him. Does he ever cook?

@arethereanyleftatall I agree we should work together and be kind and supportive to one another, hence why I’d like it to not be me the majority of the time

It did seem bad from your OP - when I imagined a DH and a bunch of teenagers all not doing it, for some reason - but not so bad when taking into account that he’s putting your mutual Dd to bed, and seems to be doing a fair share overall. And 15 mins cleanup doesn’t sound too bad.

@PlanetSlattern He doesn’t cook, but only because I genuinely like to cook and have no issue with it, his cooking isn’t the best 🙈I just kind of quietly took it on

If he's done all stuff relating to the child today, I wouldn't mind cooking and clearing away/washing up. Tbh it's harder work here sorting out the kids than clearing away

@AndcalloffChristmas But it was also my night to do that the night before and every other night, I cooked last night too.

@TheSoapyFrog hmm, but I did the same all yesterday? We alternate so I did all the child stuff yesterday, got up with her, breakfast, lunch, cooked dinner, did bedtime with her