To make a full roast AND do the washing up?

[Jasoninadress]

Aibu to be a bit pissed off to spend a couple of hours making a lovely roast dinner for my family and to have all the dishes and cleaning left to me to wash up too?

@BBCONEANDTWO

Get a dishwasher - best thing I ever did (well nearly)

Yes definitely!!!

I cook, then afterwards I put all the dirty dishes in an empty dishwasher with the roasting tin and it cleans it for me

One word: dishwasher 😂 buying mine changed my life because I was also the only one to ever cook and wash up too!

No but seriously, how old are the people you live with? If they're at an age capable of washing up they definitely should have. Even my daughter who's 3 always helps me load the dishwasher.

Op - I'm not sure if you've said, but are you a sahp to one child? Whilst your dh woh?
Because he could maybe say 'Aibu that I earn all the money?'
Every dc is different to look after, every job has different hardness levels, so there is absolutely no one size fits all.
But, fwiw, when I was a sahp to one dc, and like yours, dh definitely did his half of childcare on a weekend, I got all the chores done mon-fri, simply because I had far more time than he did, including things like making say a lasagne for the Sunday on the Friday. So that we all just relaxed of a weekend. Now, I don't know at all what your situation is, how difficult your toddler is etc but talking is key, and recognising the contribution of the other.,

Well I think this is fine as an isolated incident but if you're generally doing the lion's share then completely and utterly not fine.

In this house the one person cooks, the other cleans got shelved pretty fast when I saw how DP cooked - every pan used, food burnt into surfaces, spices spilt. It drove me mad as I'm very particular about what I like to cook - most of my choices are based on how much mess it will make. But really, housework is very very fair here.

There really is no valid reason why it shouldn't be in any household imo unless one person goes out to work while one stays home and in that situation the housework should still be split evenly for the times both are at home but with breaks factored in for SAHP as the other parent gets breaks at work. I hope I explained that properly.

If you have a toddler, realistically he was looking after her while you were cooking, so not as though he was doing nothing.

I think you need an agreement about washing up that is not related to cooking, if you do all of it (and don't mind this). Basically washing up is a job that needs doing every night, and if neither of you are happy to do it, probably fairest to split it. I'm not sure why cooking a roast as opposed to anything else, makes it more the case that someone else should do the washing up tbh.

Depends on other divisions of labour.
Take short cuts. Frozen mash, fresh vegetables take short time and pre cooked meat. Saves me hours and washing up is minimal.

@arethereanyleftatall Yes I’m a sahp to toddler Dd at the moment. Maybe he could say ‘Aibu that I earn all the money’ well maybe he could, but that wouldn’t last long! I’ve worked for all our relationship (and all my adult life) up until around a year ago and always earned a little more. I obviously do all the jobs Mon-Fri that need to be done, all cooking, cleaning etc and weekends are not that much different tbh! But I’m working to try to get a more equal balance or I do end up carrying on doing exactly the same at weekends too. We’ve had this ‘Talk’ numerous times 🙈sometimes it’s better, often not.

Whoever cooks, cleans up here. But we're odd by MN standards and rarely eat as a couple, so tend to just cook for ourselves.

@RedskyBynight There was loads of pans tonight and it was all quite fussy, cauliflower cheese, separate veg, roasties, beef etc. Different to three plates that need washing for a pizza for example. It also equates (in my mind) to effort being putting into making a nice meal, which again, I enjoy doing, it just would be nice to have then not to have done all the rest too and have a sit down

YANBU. Don’t do it- at the dinner table tell them you expect them to clear the plates and wash up. Stop picking up after them. And, unless they’re young children, don’t cook more for them until they start helping.

*Being put

Does he do the washing up when it's your turn to put dc to bed?

Make it clear who is doing what and leave it. But I think yabu a bit. Everyone wants to put their feet up right after the roast, and doing morning, bedtime and a big wash up is a bit of a run of chores.

Tricky if he never cooks; harder to illustrate how it makes you feel. You'll just have to appeal to his better nature and explain.

Gadzooks, though, what luxury to never have to cook! (And then never to feel you have to clean up, either.) He doesn't know he's born. But even if you enjoy it, I would recommend that he takes over a couple of nights a week – sooner rather than later. With children in the mix it quickly ceases to become a pleasure.

Because he could maybe say 'Aibu that I earn all the money?

He could say it, but who would he think would be looking after his kid?

I've gone off Sunday roasts for this reason. Way too many pots to deal with.

Oh gosh. Are you my husband? If so, I'm sorry.

@PlanetSlattern I agree!
But If his cooking isn’t great 😬that’s awful and I’ve never said it but, I prefer mine 😂

Well, he’s just sent a text from up in bed saying ‘Thank you, that was a lovely meal, so full’ which is nice, but means I think he realises was a bit crappy to leave it

@IMightCry 😂Does he do the meal and the washing up?! Where are these men located...

@AStudyinPink Exactly! We wouldn’t go down that path. He wouldn’t say that tbf

@userxx It is a faff really, isn’t it

I literally do this everyday. Agree it's really annoying but it's my fault I don't think my kids have washed up in their lives.

@visitorfromtheplanetzog Well, I just generally used to want it done before bed, so if he didn’t do, I quickly did it, during the week not many dishes. But recently when it’s my day to put Dd to bed, I’ve starting just leaving it. Sometimes when I get up, it’s been done, sometimes it’s not.

Who usually cleans up after you've cooked?

@PolPotNoodle It’s a bit of a mix, but I’d say the majority is me as it’s just easier to get it done then I can relax more. But I’ve started to just leave it..and see