to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

[SmudgeButt]

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

buffoon why would you think this way you maniac

In all the other situations, children could still play with their friends

There were some interesting documentaries on over the last week with holocaust survivors.
Sometimes they were talking about being in the same camps as schoolfriends, also about carrying out the dead bodies of siblings to add to the pile of dead bodies outside the overcrowded huts they lived in.
They were survivors in their 80s/90s, they had families, many had had successful careers.

Sounds a lot worse than schools not being open for a few weeks, but keep on telling your little darlings that their mental health is severely impacted by not being able to go to school, I'm sure they'll believe you.

Schools have not just been closed for a few weeks? Kids have missed months of schooling. I'm sure many of them(including ringbone of my own) are saying they happy not the be at school but they miss being allowed to see friends,to do the normal kids stuff. Kids need to socialise with their peers. I would far rather see young kids out playing than the older vulnerable adults who have been asked to stay at home.

I work for camhs. We have always struggled to meet the needs of our young people. We have always struggled to meet the needs of those who present when symptoms are more manageable. We are getting young people never known to us before who just want to die and those who have already tried to die. Several a week. They either need need an inpatient bed as they cannot be kept safe by their parents or by us or they need support right now. I wake up each day hoping my caseload is still alive. We are struggling so much, its really bad. The first lock down was better as many families had pressure taken off them, this lock down is not good at all. Those who are resilient are ok, those who are a bit resilient are not great but will get by, those with added pressure such as neurodevelopmental difficulties or family pressure are not good. Its really hard right now.

I don’t know if YABU or not.

On the one hand, as someone that works with teenagers, for some the pandemic has brought about a genuinely frightening downturn in their mental health. I have dealt with students who are depressed, anxious and unfortunately have dealt with some students who have made very serious suicide attempts.

At the same time I do think that some people use the term “mental health” in a way that can be unhelpful. Mental ill health is not the same as experiencing negative of unpleasant emotions in response to an unpleasant situation. It’s not a sign of mental ill health to be sad when somebody dies, or lonely when you haven’t seen your friends and family for a long time, or worried about being behind when you’ve missed lots of school. Those are all just normal and healthy reactions to a bad situation. Being mentally well doesn’t mean happy and content all the time.

It would be wrong to pretend that the pandemic hasn’t seriously affected people who are not mentally well though. The students that I have been seriously concerned for were generally not mentally well before the pandemic and had underlying mental health conditions, but many of them have deteriorated to a truly alarming degree.

@Eebs

I work for camhs. We have always struggled to meet the needs of our young people. We have always struggled to meet the needs of those who present when symptoms are more manageable. We are getting young people never known to us before who just want to die and those who have already tried to die. Several a week. They either need need an inpatient bed as they cannot be kept safe by their parents or by us or they need support right now. I wake up each day hoping my caseload is still alive. We are struggling so much, its really bad. The first lock down was better as many families had pressure taken off them, this lock down is not good at all. Those who are resilient are ok, those who are a bit resilient are not great but will get by, those with added pressure such as neurodevelopmental difficulties or family pressure are not good. Its really hard right now.

I don’t want to sound patronising but thank god for people like you who clearly care about our young children. I wish there were more of you.

@Bluntasduck

Shut the fuck up about the war.

Such an apt username

Does anyone ever feel better, or suffer less, because someone else had it worse?

This.

It's not a sodding competition

There is an element of projecting ourselves which makes all the difference. We've focused on nature walks and a multitude of making the best of it. We have a zoom games party with some playdate friends tomorrow.

We take the odd moment to miss normal and look forward to the future then to back to making the most of it. Resilience versus being a victim is something we choose to teach our children.

I think it depends on the child. Some kids are self-harming, some have committed suicide! There will be some who are happier though....

Confusion about this is at the root of lots of our disagreements on this thread:

“Mental ill health is not the same as experiencing negative of unpleasant emotions in response to an unpleasant situation. It’s not a sign of mental ill health to be sad when somebody dies, or lonely when you haven’t seen your friends and family for a long time, or worried about being behind when you’ve missed lots of school. Those are all just normal and healthy reactions to a bad situation. Being mentally well doesn’t mean happy and content all the time.”

It goes back to the media - they are the ones who use “mental health” as a convenient catchphrase

It’s hard to get children mental support , period
In a Lockdown ? Nigh on impossible

Yes people gritted their teeth back then

But times have changed and humans have too

Whether or not someone talks about something is not a sign of how resilient someone is or how well they're coping with it. Cheeriness isn't a particularly good barometer either - there is whole 'laugh otherwise you cry' thing some do.

There is a lot already written out there on how much self-medicating with various substances happened is response to both world wars and other conflicts, by military, civilians, and those 'left behind'. There has been a lot since the early parts of the first lockdown about the uptick is sales of alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs.

Yes, different people have different levels of resilience and people have different levels of resilience for different type of things. It's partially genetic, partially having overcome and had that be worthwhile which not everyone has in all areas (and there is no reliable method of teaching it). Some of the reporting and individual parents are likely exaggerating, but others will be dismissing and downplaying it. Other than those working in the area, most of us will only see it in the years to come how much how people and society changes much as it did after the wars and great depression in response in ways that were hard to foresee.

A lack of resilience is often portrayed as a moral failing - especially with the war rhetoric so commonly used as a comparison/competition. If it's not a competition of suffering, it's on whose handling it better. Neither of those help anything. Even if it's only a small minority of children suffering in the way reported, questions should be asked on what can be done to reduce suffering whether it's normal pain or ill mental health. Even if we can't do much, at least we shouldn't dismiss the pain that's happening.

What a horrible thread. My child is anxious. My child has really struggled.
We do not live near any family so in the past year they have seen grandparents once. We live in Wales and they live in England making it more complicated with different rules.
So she hasn't seen family, she hasn't been able to see friends. Her grandad throughout this has been battling cancer so she is watching that over video calls. Not been able to hug him etc. She is 5. She doesn't really fully understand and it's scary and lonely.
She has gone from a child who is smiley and happy most of the time to a child needing constant reassurance, who doesn't want to sleep alone anymore etc. She was so much better when she was at school but we are back to square one now.
I for one am glad that we are more understanding of mental health thank after WW2, cause sif you think for one second that those children didn't suffer with mental health issues you are mistaken. Instead they just couldn't talk about it.

There’s many aspects which my young children are enjoying and they are mostly happy on a day to day basis. But they do now have separation anxiety when I leave the house snd my 6yo recently asked me ‘if you and dad both die if coronavirus, where will we go?’ (6yo DD). Yes some children will cope fine. Others won’t. And many many will be in between, where they are for the most part ok, but may suffer from the lack of socialisation and time out of the house. I for one would like to see plans in place now for how we intend to significantly increase in mental health services for the inevitable increase in demand (from adults and children alike) in particular for help w depression & anxiety - especially OCD, health anxiety, social phobia, agoraphobia.

It's not.
There are statistics.

What is it with this obsession with WWII?

A certain type of person really seems to wank themselves to stupidity over fantasies of WWII. Why?

Oh, and weird hostility towards children is gruesome, too.

Tl:dr keep these thoughts to yourself on a date. This - and stuff like it - is why you're alone.

@IDontMindMarmite

There's been more deaths than ww2 and ww1 combined so let's not underestimate the fear we are living in.

Considering excess deaths due to COVID are around 100,000 and over 1million people died in the world wars, that's patently untrue.

www.ft.com/content/5f7b58fb-97ad-4fef-bbc9-b71d328c6700

You suffer what you suffer. There are children being blown to bits in Syria as we speak. But it doesn’t make our children feel any better to know that.

Blowing out your neighbour's candle doesn't make yours shine any brighter. YABVU!

More than 2 million people worldwide have died from Covid.

it will vary, like just about everything in life. I have teenage GC living with me, he is absolutely fine, up to date with school work, perfectly happy. I think he is enjoying having more time to relax, his journey to school is just over an hour each way so he loves his extra hour in bed every morning.

I'm sure if it goes on for months he will get restless but for now he is fine.

I've heard of one child who isn't coping, all the other children I know seem perfectly happy.

6yo recently asked me ‘if you and dad both die if coronavirus, where will we go?’ (6yo DD)

Well this raises a good point. This is one of the many good reasons why lockdown is happening and there's little we can do to change that reality for our children. We're trying to ensure children aren't deprived of a parent or affected by a parent becoming seriously ill.

I think you had some harsh responses OP, but I agree in that some parents on MN talk about the impact on their children's MH without much perspective. I don't understand comparing the "suffering" of their DC forced to stay home more, or study online, compared to the reality of life for millions of children in the developing world, or seriously ill children. Nevermind the children who lost a parent to Covid or another illness this year.

Having two very poorly teens now under cahms I think I think I’m pretty well qualified to comment. Life events and bullying lead to one getting low. The pandemic escalated it to a full blown mental
Illness requiring medication. Lockdown lead to isolation, time to ruminate and nothing to work towards. Exams, Sat jobs, festivals, holidays.....all went. Getting out for exercise is now limited. There are now long weeks at home with nothing. CAMHs support is not face to face its video which many teens hate when talking about deeply personal issues.

My other child is part of the eating disorder epidemic which started during the first lockdown. Trying to get healthy has lead to full blown anorexia taking over her brain. She has been hospitalised 4 times. Normally with AN you’d focus on goals to get you through. There are none, not even exams. Every day/ week is the same, trapped inside, seeing no friends, nothing to look forward to. Coupled with all that is the isolation and not seeing friends socially or in school. Mental health issues that could be sorted before are now hugely difficult to treat.

Both my children have a huge amount of resilience.

FluffyPJs and VegetableLove

Read this about ACEs.

victimfocusblog.com/2019/03/15/why-you-need-to-remain-critical-of-aces-adverse-childhood-experiences/